Uhmmm, structure in this house has definitely found it's hiding place. I was just sure when the kids went to school I could set up a daily schedule to live by until a job found me to change it. Chaos, really! What the heck was I thinking.......well it really wasn't my idea I don't think to quit smoking the same week that ohhh lovely Mrs. Monthly comes to visit and the kids starting school......oh and then by the way my husband decides to tell me that he doesn't have to go to work until 11am today instead of 6am at the last hour last night. I didn't realize how much I love a ritual and structured atmosphere. I mean I love spontaneous decisions but not a life of it.......well it's been challenging to not think of mean things to do to people........boy what nicotine/smoking habit can do to you when withdrawing.
Drugs are all bad when it comes to withdrawing.........and I can't imagine having to deal with more than one addiction at a time; but I am; food.......it's sneaky, manipulative, and alluring but only because I allowed it to be. I decide where it is placed on the shelves, refrigerator, and cupboards. I decide what the food is that is brought in, and then I get mad at the food.......uhmmm getting out of the denial that it's my decision, my choice, my desires that have made this what it is.
I'm influencing my kids in a way that is not the best I know.......but at least I am seeing it, and thankful to a very special dr. that has come into my life due to the desire to get this "body" structure remodeled. He has given me homework, a book called "Mindless Eating" by Brian Wansink. Awesome information........actually stuff I thought I knew but I really didn't. Another book, God laid on my mind, for you girls "Captivating"......by Staci and John Edgredge......for the guys "Wild at Heart".....by her husband John Edgredge. I really just dare you to take the moment to indulge in yourself for a moment and find serenity.
Back to reality, a craving is heavy, but it doesn't seem as long today. The thoughts that I really didn't decide to quit this time makes me want to go to the gas station and just buy a pack. I don't want to quit, and I enjoyed my cigs tremendously. Really, sick I know and the stench of them but I liked smoking. I have now made it a full 48 hours.......two days.....why oh why would I want to smoke another one; but I really want one! Just one, maybe just a drag and then ..........oh bologna I know I wouldn't stop with a drag, one, or anything less than just not doing it. Prayer is needed, and let me find my filling in God alone. Until we talk again, thanks for listening!
Drugs are all bad when it comes to withdrawing.........and I can't imagine having to deal with more than one addiction at a time; but I am; food.......it's sneaky, manipulative, and alluring but only because I allowed it to be. I decide where it is placed on the shelves, refrigerator, and cupboards. I decide what the food is that is brought in, and then I get mad at the food.......uhmmm getting out of the denial that it's my decision, my choice, my desires that have made this what it is.
I'm influencing my kids in a way that is not the best I know.......but at least I am seeing it, and thankful to a very special dr. that has come into my life due to the desire to get this "body" structure remodeled. He has given me homework, a book called "Mindless Eating" by Brian Wansink. Awesome information........actually stuff I thought I knew but I really didn't. Another book, God laid on my mind, for you girls "Captivating"......by Staci and John Edgredge......for the guys "Wild at Heart".....by her husband John Edgredge. I really just dare you to take the moment to indulge in yourself for a moment and find serenity.
Back to reality, a craving is heavy, but it doesn't seem as long today. The thoughts that I really didn't decide to quit this time makes me want to go to the gas station and just buy a pack. I don't want to quit, and I enjoyed my cigs tremendously. Really, sick I know and the stench of them but I liked smoking. I have now made it a full 48 hours.......two days.....why oh why would I want to smoke another one; but I really want one! Just one, maybe just a drag and then ..........oh bologna I know I wouldn't stop with a drag, one, or anything less than just not doing it. Prayer is needed, and let me find my filling in God alone. Until we talk again, thanks for listening!
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