Reflection perceptions

This new journey for me moving to Valley Center from Kansas City has really brought an early detection of Freedom. At the end of 2012, I felt like the word "prepare" was given to me as the word of the year for '13. For those whom know me from the city, do know that '13 was a prep year for me. Our family had just finished out of a year's worth of daily chemo for Koda in Jan. '13 and a entire battle with the school system that failed the safety of Koda by him being locked out of school for over an hour, my husband's job had became a bit dysfunctional in kind words that gave us a scare, we were involved in delivering weekly back-snacks for kids whom might not have food for the weekend, my grandma whom adopted me at 14 was facing the horrors of Alzheimer's and depression (which we've now brought down to Wichita with us), we consistently took care of and prayed with a group of homeless people who lived under a bridge, we were challenged on how much we could give away and survive ourselves, we built new support groups, study groups, and challenged discipleship. We built....wait, some conviction here...we didn't do anything but listen to what we felt as if God was asking us to do and only by Him did we do anything. Ok, that's cleared up.

Rick faithfully worked with New Life Family Church's food pantry to load and unload food from Harvester's to feed the average 800 people a month. Food Pantry video (now it's over 1000) These are the public things that were called of us not to mention the "prepare" spiritually, emotionally, and the healing that happened in the quiet background of all of this that I won't share here. (this is Kudos to an awesome God we serve...if you know us personally it's miraculous that we're alive honestly)

Ok, so prepared we got which was then in preparation of a move that has a story of God's perfect details down to the house in which we live right now....now what? The word for the year of 2014 is FREEDOM for me personally, and I'm hoping my entire family and friends will see, grow, and be brought to a place of freedom themselves. What does freedom mean for me? Well it's just now the end of January, and I'll start blogging them.

Freedom of some FEARS: I've carried for a very very long time that are stories within themselves. I kid you not that would bring to a place of paralyzed, and so I will later blog about each of these fears.

Fear #1:

Finding a creative side of me...I painted for the very first time last night at Let's Paint Wichita. Which is the painting above that actually is the reason for today's blog. Reflections I found have quite the differences of perspective from each author, reader, painter, teacher, student, friend, parent, sibling, neighbor, musician, listener, cook, etc by what sense you use to determine that perspective. I know neither of the women on each side of me knew what I was thinking, feeling, or anything else at the time because really each were concerned at getting the appropriate brush, correct color, placing exactly where they were instructed to do so. I noticed that not all were listening to the instructor either just as they should have because of either they were so hyper-focused on perfection or what the girl/guy next to them were saying. 

Quite the observation I must say. Way too fun for me...I soaked up each moment, each level of anxiety, each joke and each sarcastic word said, I felt the fear, anxiety, and the tension of room...which brought me to a place of "you're not alone even among these "been doing this a long time" people". I found no one could perfect the reflection in the water no matter how hard they tried. Reflection always has a distortion to me even in the mirror...see it all goes with what else does the reflection have to share it's story? Lighting, color, clearness of the water/mirror, whatever.

My freedom from this fear is that I had a distorted reflection of my creativity. It's not that expected my paintings to be perfect or anything I create to be but that I created and this fear failed. It no longer has a hold of distortion. I can create, I will create, actually I've been shown through this that I have always been an original creator...in relationships. There's no other me...and that's creative. 

Until the next fear failed is shared...Be you, Be original, and Be!! 

This picture is from (https://www.facebook.com/HeartCenteredRebalancing)

Fear Failed

Who knows what will happen but today...today I am free from the worry of what tomorrow might be or look like or even feel like. I am writing today because it is my way to escape when the weather is blistering cold and I can't get out among the trees, the water, and the breathe life that God has so graciously allowed me to have daily. Whom am I and what is my family that you have brought me this far... 2 Samuel 7:18. I'm honestly in awe of the deliverance in so many areas, but today I am free...free of fear. I'm not saying it will never come again, shoot that wouldn't be reality but in this moment there is peace. Honestly a bit of excitement instead of anxiety is building as I'm facing one of the biggest fears ever in my life directly in it's face. I am stepping out into something one professional told me I couldn't.

There have been many opportunities to do this very thing, but the fear was as if chains after chains with wenches were holding me back. It was fake....it was when I was young, impressionable, and naive that the words "you can't do that" stuck. Then many other relationships, words, and journeys in my life piled on top of that confirmation of  "you can't...you're a failure so don't risk it". I've even recently been given the words from a dear Christian friend whom thought they were being supportive add to this failure thoughts by stating I wasn't trusting God. Fail! The enemy will get your focus off your designed purpose however he can. I was given a what I call a natural gift, and I am now going to step out of fear into "in spite of it". I do mean when I say "I" only by God can I do anything. God gets all the glory.

There's a book to be written behind these 10 fingers just in this one story alone. And no, not right now, I'm not saying what I'm doing...just know that I really went from paralysis into letting my Creator carry me through. His Will will get done no-matter what we fear. :) So for the last several weeks these are just some of the spontaneous things, words, requests, texts, and pictures that have come across my lap personally to confirm my direction is now: step out and change fear to faith with freedom...

I also then received a video link sent to my email...

I'm not listening either :)

So, I realized I'm a dreamer...and my fears came from thinking about failing what could be the end result. But see, I have to stop. Be still in the moment to find what today has for me. I've wasted many days worrying about a tomorrow that isn't promised to me. If I try today, and die tomorrow then I have succeeded because failure wasn't in the "trying it"...failure would be in doing nothing.

Circus animals are trained from the time of infants by chains holding onto their legs. This gives them a boundary in which they come to realize they cannot pass over. So when the elephant then becomes big...it doesn't know that the trainers have unlatched it from the anchor, so this large animal still thinks its being held back and doesn't even try to go past it's boundary. Even though, this monstrous powerhouse could have pulled it's weight and won against such an anchor for a very long time...it's perception and mind has been tricked into thinking it couldn't. Well, I'm a monstrous powerhouse that God has freed for His Glory. I thought I was still stuck, chained, and locked away from being what was already naturally mine to share.

Can't wait to share my destiny. If you're in my personal life then you're part of the story too...how fun!