Hell on Earth = boy + autism + hormones + life

Always a dirty face...but gosh how can we not love it!
He says he needs eye cream for the bags 😂😂😂
Who taught him such?

A major shift has happened in the stink, the growth, the new hair, the dirt, the attitude of a growing almost 13 year old boy. Our guts are telling us that just because labs say we're normal something else is going on, and in the days ahead with Easter coming there's a stirring in the Spiritual realm for people; hell on earth is real for some. So let's talk about something positive...

Pull up a chair, grab a drink, and hang on with me here. I'm beyond estastic that I have been able to conquer the winter blues like never before. I have not officially been diagnosed with SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), but I can tell you that the winter months for years pretty much put me out of commission. I found my daily routine to include some major napping time and so lethargic I never got anything truly accomplished. I lost interest in most things, even my family. I had tried all the therapies, and even some medications at one point. I'm just not meant for meds. January 2017 was my worst month ever, and to the point that I actually was strategically planning out my end days. Am I proud of that, no...I just want to give someone hope today. That isn't what I truly wanted, but in the moment it was because there just wasn't another way out. I was done. I was tired. I cried daily for Jesus to come back. Some say this is selfish...ok, maybe it is, but I couldn't help it in the moment. Don't say I didn't really trust God/Jesus/Holy Spirit either, you can just click off this blog now if that's your response...this isn't for you, nor can you understand it. The darkness overtakes without my control. I didn't know what to do with it, much less having the energy to take it on.

So, what happened this year that has been different from all the years prior? I found tools, and I've now got a toolbox that stays close. Those tools are people who give a damn, aromas that change my mood instantly, a written out journal, notes to myself from God, supplements I was deficient in, and the love of God that I now believe what He said is true for me. I just don't believe in Him like He's some thing in a far away galaxy bossing me around, but a true friend who accompanies me every single moment I allow & He's there when I don't. Thank you God for showing up through a friend, and that bottle of sweet bergamot that saved me that final day of making plans. Mental Health has gone frantic in the world these days, and I'll be the first to tell you that most of it falls in the diet we eat. No I have no products to save, treat, cure, or even suggest to help...I do have my journey of hope though that through it there is light at the end of the tunnel. There's somebody who understands, and you are not alone...I'm here if you have no one else. Feel free to send me a friend request, follow me on FB & IG @releaseandbelieve. I hope every single day through me surviving that I can make a smile appear on just one face. That's all I care about...releasing the need to be significant to many to be only approved by the One who matters & holds my life in His hands. My value comes no more from the number of followers or comments on a social media platform. My career no longer is valued by how many people I see, but that one is changed forever; the rest I trust in my God to provide. He's done so much more than that.

I never once thought what all is coming into fruition was even a possibility, and to be honest; I'm still wondering if I want it. Doing it scared, doing it because it keeps falling before me, doing it because until the door closes I'm going to examine all the opportunities placed before me. If it's not meant for me, the door will close; it always has. I'll be blogging as time goes on about this business adventure as well. If you've read my past posts...you know this is the year to be courageous & Mount UP! (as Eagles Wings I'll soar & in those wings I take refuge in my God).

Ok, back to the original reasoning of this post...I need help with this growing boy. I can handle all things girly and that hot mess of seasonal dramatic hormones, boys, make-up, and alike. Boys tho...I just don't have it. Stinky, puberty drama, and the necessity to hold the privates in public is about to put me over the edge. Maybe this is why I did make it through the winter because this...this stage would've been the straw that broke the camel's back. Ok, I get it...boys...but you all know we don't have a typical boy...let's throw some special needs and autism in the mix. Anybody...any momma out there that has already been through this, I'd appreciate a comment, reach out & suggest, let me hear your advice. I want to strangle him. Thank God again for His Word that is putting me through a study of how children are the Apple of God's eye, and how I should look upon them. Eyes roll and face palms happen more often than I care to admit. A major shift has happened, school started calling again with behaviors that just aren't like him to conduct...something is out of whack. When things go out like that for weeks, not just a disruption in schedule or overstimulation in a store...I start looking at his gut health. We observe poop. Yep, Call me Poop Master...because I'm telling you the truth of health shows in poop. The shape, the size, the consistency, the timing, how often, the color...are you grossed out yet? Well, without further descriptions of why I know a major shift has happened; we'll just say there's been a shift in poop.


We're changing our eating habits again. Welcome AIP (Auto-Immune Protocol)...I didn't know the impact of nightshades. I'm sad to some level that my garden will be way different this year, and I'm sure going to miss those tomatoes, less fruit, and thankful grass fed beef is included. We're 4 days in...and it's not making me cranky like I thought it might. The first 3 days usually are torture when you change a diet that significantly impacts immediately, and if one is emotionally attached to certain foods, etc. We'll see, and I'll keep you posted. Another reason we chose this avenue...is me. I'm having some major inflammation issues that are causing problems. We'll be doing a full digest & cleanse next month along with a parasite cleanse just for rule of thumb. My labs say that my inflammation markers are down, but my body is not agreeing. I've learned to trust my body over the conventional medicine protocol. I've become very aware of what is happening in my body since using AFT (Aroma Freedom Technique) in my practice. I can feel when emotions settle in places they don't belong (because they should be processed immediately and released)...it's weird to be so aware; aware of my digestion process, aware of my circulation, aware of muscle tension, and too much stress.

We're in full swing with Spring Break here, and daddy is taking off work for some vacation time. We have decided to stay within driving range (staycation), but far enough to try new waters for our fishing poles. Did you know the state of Kansas finally changed their licenses to be good 1 year from the date of purchase instead of the calendar year...YIPPEE!! We're all excited about that.

We also have been trying new therapies with the kiddo over spring break...self directed therapies; meaning we allow him to use his imagination & we go with it...it's amazing what we are learning through this. His sleep has never been better (so that's not a side affect to anything going on in the daytime), and we're excited to see where this newest journey takes us with him. I'm always looking for the best for him... without losing out time on who he is in the moment. It took a long time for me to take my eyes of all the researching to "fix" it, and instead enjoy learning him in the moment. God made this clear to me in Mark 10:14-16 recently, and I'll never look at my son the same again. That innocence that is in him is a place many of us, especially me, has never known or definitely has lost along the way. K teaches me so much about truth, trust and transformation. Until next time...thank you for reading & enduring our journey with us in spirit. He made some light spinning bubbles as one of the therapy sessions...see them here.

If you know a momma with special needs and the teenager life of boys please tag her, send her my way, share so I can find comfort in others, hope for our future, and just being known...you are greatly appreciated already for the help.

Hard Loves...Release & Believe there is more for you to come.

Seek with all our heart...

...and that we did today. Koda couldn't be found. It wasn't typical for him to not be waiting for us out in the hall after Sunday school. (I didn't realize our class let out early, nor did I know they had put the junior high with the high school kids) So, on the search we went...around a couple times (every room either empty or full of kids that confirmed he wasn't there. Circles we went, and I bet we got in our 10,000 minimal steps just in this search alone for the day. So outside, to the car, to the creek beds, to the empty buildings outside, yelling his name, back in to double check bathrooms, and the sanctuary as he had usually come to find us. He's never ran off...so we were confused as to where he could possibly be. Asking for help, but getting blank stares & unmotivated people opened my eyes to a much greater need of understanding. They didn't get it at all. Becoming frantic, I asked if there could be an all over building intercom message...that didn't happen either; do they not have such a capability? I still don't know.

Every single second seemed like hours almost without me totally blowing this way out of portion. I didn't know where else to look, glad though that a couple people had took on the notice we were frantic & went searching for him too. As dad decided to head to the house just in-case he decided he wanted to walk home; which he has wanted to walk because we're so close...I was on my 4th round of inside the church when I heard his voice. Every single horrid thought, the fear, the frustration, and the heart pounding...came out in a whaling of tears; he was okay. He had not went off on his own choice, but was moved to a room in which he normally would never be; with the high school Sunday school class that had let out late.

We immediately left without going to typical worship time because of other issues that have came up. When I got home, I was drawn to the Bible with much pull. I opened up to Proverbs 1 where I felt led, read thru all of Chapter 4; and there God met me. I clearly got the message with all that I have been experiencing this (long week for me) week, seek wisdom/Him as I did for my son today & everything will turn out just as it's supposed to. By trusting, diligently seeking Him and His wisdom all these types of things come forth : protection, sweet sleep, confidence, favor, straight paths, insight, honor, live, no stumbling, understanding, barns overflowing, and assurance. Wow! Anyone else want any of this stuff? We seek it thru friends, family, money, careers, marriage, etc...when at least for me it is very clear I only need to seek Him.

Why do things happen, and this day; I know why it happened just as it did...so this very message could be found, heard, and implemented by me. It was a call to action. I didn't need to be in the sanctuary today because nothing could have impacted me like the "searching frantically for my son". He loves us so. I hope no one has to endure such to get the message, but if you do...I hope you find your message made just for you in it. Koda is my "why" in every single thing I do. Thanking God for the personal one on one time today.

How concerned or frantic are you seeking the One who makes all things better. In the wisdom He bestows there are sure a lot of promises we can hold on to. I think I've just had another "light bulb" moment of transformation. The beauty in the process of metamorphosis continues for me. While I walk in more freedom than I ever experienced, there's still a wisdom that never stops transforming our minds. On the right path, and knowing you are there...is probably the most "secure" feeling ever.


#releaseandbelieve #seekingHimovereverything #somethingclicks #lightbulbmoments #transformationintofreedom #securityinHim