Helicopter teaches me a lesson...

Wow...what a day! As I was reminiscing over the wonderful weekend we had and thought about the moment...I faced my own personal fears and found out some things about myself. I've always said I was afraid of heights. In the process of all that has went on; I went to search out and process this fear a little deeper this evening. What I realized is that it's not the fear of heights I have...

It's the fear of leaving solid ground or having control of that.

I literally have been on only a couple ferris wheels in my life and each time was an excruciating power of fear that literally takes my breath away, causes me to slam my eyes shut and pray for the ride to end. I've never been able to enjoy a ferris wheel ride. I've been on hundreds of roller coaster rides...the trip up to the top; same experience but I can look to my feet knowing it's going to be over in just a minute (the climb up) and there's usually a tight harness or car surrounding me. The ride itself is never the problem; actually I love it. 

It's my feet coming off of solid ground is where I lose it. Now on a ferris wheel it's not over in a minute, and there's multiple turns over and over with stops in mid-air...ohhh no! Watching me feet the whole time or slamming the eyes tightly shut doesn't work in a ferris wheel because I've watched way too many horror movies; I guess. I can feel the swing of the cart...ugh! It's okay to laugh, I get it...but I am not laughing I promise you when on such a ride.

So for my birthday and for our son to be able to experience yet another first as well as me...I decide that since this was the end of launch week for Simply LOLA; I was going to end it with a bang by climbing into a helicopter. Face my fear of heights, well I didn't know if I would be anxious or not because I have always been fine in a plane (only been on 2 in my life and didn't have window seats). I didn't know what to expect.

Fear, anxiety, nervous...all of it can make your body and mind run rampant. The tornado of emotions that take over when the anticipation becomes more than you "think" you can bear. Where does that come from? What in my life had caused me to "feel" like this? I had never fallen out of control except for in dreams...and those always wake me up. So all was good until we lifted off the ground and the helicopter slid sideways in the air...my mind says I'm not supposed to be sideways and the fear overtook. I slammed my eyes shut, breathing almost fast enough to go into a full hyperventilation and handed hubby the phone. Thank God for sign language and that he too reads and speaks it...I said you take the pics in ASL!

The entire ride was only 6 minutes but the first 3 was a lifetime and such a waste of fearful time. I knew this was possibly the only time I would ever be up in a helicopter, and I so wanted to enjoy it. I seriously couldn't come to terms with anything during the first half except that I want down, out, and I can't breathe. Then like a swift wind of reassurance and peace came over me the moment I said; God you have to have this because I'm out of control here! I looked down and over the entire world below me...Ahhhh! What splendor and beauty! In that moment all was right with the world. Beautiful, awe, complete perfection without a flaw; my eyes captured every essence of creation.  There's no evil here, there's actually a sense of release of needing control, and a place in which to fulfill serenity within the heart, mind, and soul here. I enjoyed those last 3 minutes with much happiness in my heart. 

I wish to do it again someday. Did I just say that?

The doors/windows right there by my side reminded me of when I was on the road in a cabover semi and we went over a bridge...I could see the river below and it scared me then. These flashbacks of different scenarios ran through my head. I remembered being on top of a tall building looking down over the Plaza in Kansas City, MO and thinking...heights are not my issue; being in control of my feet being on solid ground is the issue. In that truck, my feet though on the floor board, was not on solid ground. My feet on a rollercoaster climbing the anticipation of the drop is not on solid ground. My feet in a helicopter is not on solid ground. In an airplane my feet are also not on solid ground...but I am encaged with the body of the airplane above the waist in which gives me comfort. On most rollercoasters that have some type of siding to the car; I am okay. It's when there's a view straight down beside me and no solid footing on Earth that I lose it. I discovered so much about myself on this ride of a lifetime. Now the hubby says...sky diving is next. #adrenalinerush 

So I feared not being on solid ground, that God isn't really in control, and what the lies in my head were telling me. I was going to fall, I was yet again going to be out of control and that in itself brings chaos, I cannot trust another human, I was going to die, and that God doesn't take care of me. Trusting another human...now that's one I still have to work on; I don't fear them but I sure don't trust them. I'm not so sure we're supposed to, but I have come to realize that expectations of another don't always come through. When those expectations aren't met...we tend to think the worst of another or ourselves. Don't fall into that trap. Not one human can be your everything...and it's not fair to expect it. That's too much weight to bear. 

So this is all for you out there that have yet to face your fears head on... #thestruggleisreal 

Isaiah 41:10...Do not fear! (multiple other verses can be found on not being fearful)

The higher we soar the smaller we appear to those who cannot fly. — Friedrich Nietzsche

~

Simply LOLA

Launch day...a journey of significance

Live Video from today...watch first.

As I watch my natural silver highlights grow out, the skin upon my hands wrinkle,
death of family fall all around me, and the friends struggle in different areas in their lives...drove me to question so many things. My mind was going crazy with what's next? I don't have that much longer on earth to live and what will I leave behind? I'm not leaving "stuff" to be disregarded and trashed...I want to leave with someone who's life was improved, empowered, healed, and served by my love for them.

So about those birds...there's two significant things that I got from the birds flying into the net. The first was that even though they looked like fools flying right into a net, they got back up and flew off like they had no other choice. I know when I make a mistake or look like a fool in whatever area of life, I tend to stay down and drown in my sorrows. :( That's not the place to be as it brings no benefit to anyone. If I stay down anymore I hope I'll just take a moment to process what could've been different, what choices I can take for the next event, and allow myself to be human with mistakes, foolish decisions, etc.

Secondly, the birds taught me that maybe I shouldn't be following to begin with. If I'm following, there is NO way to see the obstacles up ahead. If I'm following, I'm going to fall into the trap along with the one I'm following. We're tied up in following these days especially on social media, our significance is in how many followers, friends, etc that we have...and that is just leading one to a place of discouragement, disappointments, and blocking the path in which you have been designed to take. If we're on another person's journey when then in fact cannot be completing our purpose in life.

We are each uniquely designed to "give" to the world a part of us that no one else can. Through that statement we then are given all that make us complete in this life. I'm so thankful for the broken chains of weight called popularity and acceptance. I'll be completely honest that I felt like a total idiot after doing that video and the abundance of fear that weighed me down in anticipation to do the video about killed me, but YOU....the many that have messaged me, commented, and called already gave me the confirmation that I did step out in the right direction today. Confirmation of what I question is my calling is being fulfilled each minute. I love you all and care about you! So look out in front of you, and not your past or current struggle but at the forest awaiting in front of you with a journey only you can enjoy, only you were designed for, and conquer the world in which only you can!! :)

Happy National Donut Day...can you tell I really would like to have one, but I won't. Please let me know if you had a donut for me. :) You are significant...you have a purpose...LAUNCH!

A song for you!

Why can't this child just get it?...It's JUST elementary writing, math, attention and organization

but it's more than just that. It's executive function or working memory...my heart yearns to understand the depth of my son, so I can find the accommodations, modifications, and adaptive tools to help him to be the best he can be. Sure I can accept him just as he is but society has proven to be a not such a friendly place for those whom are different especially in school. I'm hoping to not only teach acceptance and give awareness but to also give strategies so the gap within society and him isn't so large. I can't be at school all the time so I'm always looking for explanations and tutorials of what it might be like for any child that struggles with any area of executive functioning. To be honest until recent years, I didn't even know what that word meant. I had to educate myself because until I understand, there is no way to "know" him. Until a teacher understands there's no way to fully explain and grasp the need to look outside the box of norm to help these children.

I'd personally get so aggervated when he wouldn't calm down and listen to me during homework...I was making it so clear and simple; but now I see it wasn't anything about me or how I was giving the information. IT was either the distraction of "not enough equal spaces to write" on a paper that he was hyper focused on, or it was the dryer going, the dogs growling, and the lighting that I could easily ignore. Even if it was completely quite...he'd hear a fly in another room. Imagine that? He has hearing loss yes but he hears things in "loud" tone that most don't. I'm running on a Windows system and he is running on a Mac so to speak; two different operating systems. All things can be mastered but done in very different ways when one's brain is wired differently. I'm loving his brains right now. Being a mom who loves to write, type, and tell stories, it's been a hard journey for me to connect; but I've now got the connection through verbalization. I like to talk...and well, if you know me at all; you're smiling/ok, laughing! :D

I've been a part-time scribe for him for about 2 years now due to his overwhelming reactions when asked to write. I can get him to write but it's frustrating to say the least, so I do some and he does some; turn taking. I have learned what battles to fight and this isn't one of them.I've seen such growth in maturity, understanding, disciplines, and a full grasp on what it looks like to try for him. He works so hard but I didn't realize how hard until now. I owe this kid a pat on the back tonight.

Today, I've was brought to my knees at the rock bottom of humility when it comes to understanding. I'll have more patience, acceptance, and drive to share what I've learned today. I'm sorry I didn't realize how bad it really was son! I was introduced to a simulator; Through Your Child's Eyes, and I encourage you to look at it too. The demographics that I put in may be very different from yours but can I tell you the organization, writing, math and attention stimulators was frustrating enough for me that I will have to see about changing our homework atmosphere and approach. Hearing the information from the children themselves...wow! You must use a computer and not your phone as it doesn't work the same; believe me I tried. I was in tears by the time I was done because I now, I "get it". I'm thankful the journey has brought me to this time and place but ohhh how I wish I would've known sooner.

He struggles so much with writing especially, but now math and I wondered why? Common core math is taking this type of already enhanced anxiety to a whole other level. I'm thankful for the moment he's enjoying fractions; we use lego's at home for a visual and draw pictures for the word stories. I hope teachers will see that with some of these kids just a simple 2+2 is enough without adding more steps pushing the executive function into overload. He already had attention and organization difficulties so this added stress has caused not only homework to be an issue, but his self esteem. He's finally realizing how different he is and it makes me so sad. I've seen countless videos where other kids have jumped in for support, been a defense against bullying, and becoming a friend. This also breaks my heart because my guy hasn't found that friend. Sure he has kids he might play with on the playground, but it doesn't go outside school. Every friend he has made has left him by moving or whatever which only counts for 2.  To be almost 11 years old and not having a friend breaks my heart. The kids in his class are more "mature" than he is and their interests are very different, so I don't blame the other kids; they don't have a connection.

His medical diagnosis' include Neurofibromatosis, ADHD, ASD, RLS, PLMD, Receptive & Expressive Language Disorder (though this has become quite minimal after a great 2 years of speech therapy), mild hearing loss, and SPD. He really struggles with memory. He's in the 4th grade and repeated 2nd grade. I've found it so fascinating that he really doesn't have very many math facts memorized when you just ask him outright, but let him be on a game where he has to control something and he can spout off math facts like nobody's business. The concentration it takes to play the game frees up his memory...amazing isn't it? I found this out by accident and was floored. He struggles to write a sentence much less a paragraph, but ask him to tell you a story verbally? You got all day? The creativeness that is in this child and so many more is outstandingly beautiful.

Once I get outside myself and my needs/wants...he's a wealth of information. My frustration usually comes from being interrupted with my own time. Selfish...and we all are some of the time. As I've been going through my parent ABA training, I've also been smacked in the face of reality that I cause most of his frustrations and meltdowns. Those fits are not just coming from no where...there's a reason, always a reason and antecedent. Now I can plan ahead accordingly most of the time; not all the time...and Wallah! We are having very few episodes of meltdowns...it's a beautiful place. :)

Now to take this news that I have learned and make his life even better! What a day! I'm a better parent for this and hope to be the catalyst for others to understand. For this picture is the very reason...I keep searching...

Blessings!
~Yvonne

Wellness Wednesday...How baking soda saved me $$$

I know that's a crazy title but let me tell you...I'm a believer now. So with our family's new journey and lifestyle change, I got a little discouraged when I started to feel pain in my lower back a few days ago. I blamed the new exercise routine because what else could it be? I rubbed my pain sites down with oils and that seemed to help. So night before last, I started having some sharp pains in my lower stomach. With having been diagnosed with endometriosis since I was a teenager, I chalked the pain up to that. Then I noticed I was having the feeling of needing to use the restroom more but not much coming out, even with all the increased water I have been drinking. Now mind you, I hadn't put all these together. 

It was when the burn came that I went...ohhh no, I've got a UTI. I've had enough of these in my life to know the moment that uncomfortable feeling starts. How the heck can that be possible? My thoughts included but not limited to; I drink more water than ever now (about 16oz an hour at the least), I've removed sugar in my diet and so it can't be feeding on that, I know the whole regimen about sex and going to the bathroom after, what in the heck could it be that's causing this?

For the life of me, I didn't understand. I was so mad honestly because if you've ever experienced that pain...you know, it's a force that must be stopped. I made it up in my head; I'm going to have to go to the doctor and get prescription antibiotics...and well, that's exactly why I've changed our lifestyle. I don't want any more of those chemicals destroying more than they are helping. I don't have the money right this minute to go to the doctor or pay for meds; you know...because the flex account is dry 6 months into the year since they reduced the amount we are able to put in. I just knew I had to go because the pain is truly intolerable.

So I go on my little research hunt to see if there's anything I could do with what I had in the house to help me get by. I find all kinds of things, but nothing I have readily available in the house. Then I came across this article about baking soda, What? I thought to myself. No way...but wait, I do have some. It can't be that easy! Well, I did it.

I mixed 1 tsp w/ 8 oz of water and drank it. No, I don't like that I ingested that much sodium but...hey I know things that are worse, right? To be honest, I've never looked at the back of a baking soda box. I only used it for cooking and well now it's in my detoxification cleanser/soak. I was shocked, call me a dork; it's okay because I feel that way right now. Even if it didn't help my current symptoms like the article said, the box says "Uses relieves: heartburn, acid indigestion, sour stomach, and upset stomach due to these symptoms". I was flabbergasted with with excitement that I had come across something to help with Koda getting off his meds; a replacement for the prescriptions. See my last blog about how we're dramatically changing our lives. 

I was scared honestly that his issues would still bother him until we got his gut healed. I know it's going to take time. 8 years of medications no less than 4 and as much as 27 pills a day is going to take some time to repair. So...I don't care if it doesn't help me, I've been given something cheap, easy, and helpful for Koda. 

So laugh if you must at me; it's okay...laughter I think is the best medicine there is. :) 

That's not the end of it though. Within 2 hours of drinking this concoction...I was relieved of the back pain, the burn of urinating, all of it was gone. I'm also happy to say this morning everything is flowing freely and properly without any pain whatsoever!

If you already knew this then that's great, and I'm jealous I didn't know sooner. It is what it is, right? The struggle is real for a newbie.

Thank you for commenting, laughing, sharing and most of all wishing you the best on Wellness Wednesday!

#drinklotsofwater #utisucks #noprescriptions #nodoctors #savemoney #bakingsodacures

(UPDATE: ) I got quite a few responses asking if I knew what was causing the UTI. I apologize that I left that part out. Due to all the increased water that my body was now use to, it didn't like the acidity of the organic no sugar orange/carrot juice I had added in last week since starting my Vitamin D. Ones body cannot absorb Vitamin D without Vitamin C. The acidity was the cause of my UTI after talking to some medical field friends. I needed something alkaline to balance it out...and that's exactly what baking soda is/does.