When I can't get the chatterbox to shut up!

No, this time I'm not talking about the kiddo. This time it's my internal chatterbox blasting lies, shame, and ideas of hopelessness about my current situation. I was given a critical review today over a project I've been working on that is due to release at the end of May. I have no one to talk to about it except God, hubby, and the dogs because I've been instructed by the Lord to keep several things going on in my life quiet for 150 days (started Jan 1, 2018). Yes, I know it's a weird number...and what's 150 days got to do with it? I had to ask for myself, "Lord, if I don't find it in your Word (Bible) then I'm going to dismiss it." Sure enough Noah's Ark was afloat & the earth was completely flooded for that 150 days. You can read that for yourself here. Genesis 7:24 "And the waters prevailed on earth one hundred and fifty days." There you have it...Noah, didn't have anyone to talk to either except the animals, his family & God. So...here I am.

That critical review was complete truth, but that didn't make it any more emotionally distraught to hear it. Truth is hard! It listed all the things I had done wrong. It had pointed out things that could be changed that I thought was good. It came with a written voice like a teacher with the red pen checking every point, and there was NO smiley faces. Ha...it took me back to elementary education. It's clear I had some red marks back then, huh? Which all of that says "Yvonne, you did bad, you are bad, and it's pointless!" Anybody else? I wanted to quit tonight for a half a second...then I remembered. I have tools in my toolbox for this. These are lies from the pits of hell. I can do this, I will show them, and even if I don't complete it...guess what?  I learned some things, I am better for it, and it'll help someone later. I have found that most of the experiences I've been through is so I can better relate & help someone else later. I will continue to try at least thru the 150 days. What are my tools??

Thankfully I had recently finished a book called Crash The Chatterbox: Hearing God's voice above all others. In the book there's a part where the author asks "What great deeds are in danger of remaining undone in your life because of lies that were planted in your past or fears that are looming in your future?" This is almost the exact sentence I use in my practice.

My other way of shutting up the chatter is to process it thru aromas. What?! Yes, it's called aroma freedom technique. You know how you smell pie & it reminds you of grandma's house...that's how this works. It's a simple 12 step process that I fell in love with because I was able to process stuff I didn't even know I was holding on to. I was able to process in 30 mins what I couldn't touch in typical counseling for 3 years. I loved the simplicity of it so much that I went and got my certification in the technique. From my pains, my business was born. The relationships I've built from this practice are so humbling, the beautiful testimonies on the website, and reviews on my Facebook & Instagram business pages called Release & Believe. Why did I call my business name that? It's biblical personal to me in regards to releasing my all to God, believing in Him, but it also names the last two oils needed for the aroma session. My pain was turned into a passion & it gave me purpose. What more could I ask for? God has turned ashes to beauty...and I get to watch and partake others in healing.

So if you're overwhelmed, stressed out, and can't begin to shut off the chatter...let me give you a 60 second technique that you can do for yourself. You will need 3 oils; Stress Away, Frankincense, and Lavender. 1 drop each in the less dominant hand, rub counterclockwise with dominant hand...then inhale. That's it. Watch what happens. It's amazing! No it won't do a complete clearing & transformation like an entire session, but it will get you over the hump. It's a simple self-care.

You can get those needed 3 oils under products here, but if you'd like to how to save more money on those products...comment below, email me yvonne@yvonnerentschler.com, come talk to me on social media on the links above, or contact me here.

Update: as soon as I posted this I got a message from my red check mark critical review: I'll be sure to go to bed smiling now! Don't give up!

**Notice: This blog contains some affiliate links

Tick Tock, Tick Tock...

Before the soar, I must mount up...Before I can mount up (the words given to me in this season, you can read about it here), I must renew...Before I can renew, I must wait.

Isaiah 40:31 "But they wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk, and not faint."

As I sit in this quiet house this morning, I hear the tick tock of the clock...wait...waiting for that doctor's appointment this afternoon that will give me the results of the lab work I've been awaiting on. One of many labs were taken, but the one I'm curious about as stated in the last blog is that of Lupus. Will my ANA markers show I have Lupus? Then I question because of this next statement is there a possibility that I'd fall within the 2 %?

Per the John Hopkins website "98% of all people with systemic lupus have a positive ANA test, making it the most sensitive diagnostic test for confirming diagnosis of the disease. The test for anti-nuclear antibodies is called the immunofluorescent antinuclear antibody test. In this test, a blood sample is drawn and sent to a laboratory."

This plate is one of the many eagle pieces we have in our home that we got when Rick & I first got together. I didn't realize how these words "mount up" are now staring at me daily in almost every room of the house. Rick has always loved eagles, and myself lighthouses...so that's why this plate is so important as it combines both our loves together. 

These words "Mount Up" has sent me on a journey to find out more. First, I had to go back and dissect the verse, which takes me to the word "wait". I thought I knew what it meant, but I've found our English language really is so limited & vague most of the time. I went back into the Hebrew Scriptures to find the definition of "wait". It wasn't at all like I thought...The primitive root means to bind together by a twisting or winding a strand into a cord or rope, to be gathered, collect. It's a verb meaning there's action, not a sit and do nothing. Which then took me to Ecclesiastes 4:12 that spoke so loudly to me about the cord & the importance of human relationships in our lives opposed to individualism/isolation. I've been quite isolated to be completely honest, social media doesn't make one come out of isolation but to hide behind it. I need someone on board with me to go thru the next steps. No, I don't know what that looks like right now or even whom that is...but God is definitely pulling my heart strings in this and is part of that cord for sure. I'm looking forward to what's ahead.

Now that I know I'll be going through this wait, renew...there's those "mount up" words again. One cannot soar without first mounting up. Have you ever seen an eagle mount up? I knew I really didn't know what that meant...again on the search for the details and found this video.

600fps Video of Eagle taking off and flying over camera. from Peter Barrett on Vimeo.

The power behind it's own weight is remarkable...but what got me was the struggle to soar first, the energy that must be to conquer the mission of lifting. The eagle actually drops down before it ever rises, and I don't know about you...life can be just like that. I have a destination but I'm lacking that determination, energy, focus, and strength at the moment. I don't know where I'm going, but if "Mount Up" is to be taken seriously, then I'm going to be going somewhere...and soar is in the future because the eagle doesn't give up; it always soars!

So instead of sitting and waiting for God to do something like I thought...I'm challenged to go into action as he renews my spirit, emotions, and physical being. I'm assuming this is in regards to my health, but I do not know that either at this moment. All I know now is I'm keeping my mind open to all that He may have for me, and the ears to hear what's next with all boldness to be obedient. As I go through this season figuring out my health situation...I'm looking for accountability in a way I've never had it before & I'll add to that as I see fit. I know the struggle is coming, I know it's going to take strength, perseverance, and that it may look like I'm failing before the Lord lifts me up. I am going to need some people in my life to hold me accountable, pray me through, be tough enough to let me cuss you out (ha!), and unconditionally love me through. Today, I'm cleaning off the dusty piled on treadmill for what I do not know ( as Maury Povich would say...and that's a lie!)!!!

Praising God today...my vision is back more and more & haven't had the pain in my eye. I will ask for prayers still to relieve the pressure in my head (not a headache as much as feeling my heartbeat in my eyeballs, and my whole head)...it's uncomfortable. Blessings to you and thank you for reading.

Decluttering...the ultimate betrayal

Betrayal...makes your mascara run!

I can say my life is by no way an accident, I have purpose and so do you. There's just way too many circumstances, tragedies, experiences, and such that I have personally went thru for it to not be of value to someone. The only way I have survived is by knowing thru my vulnerability, my story, my moments of rawness that someone is helped, understood, validated, and given hope. I've been decluttering & simplifying my home since August 1st, and if I would've known what I know this minute...I don't know that I would've started it. Now comes a season of decluttering & simplifying my emotions even though I didn't "ask" or "want" to.

Like the last couple days...Sometimes all I can do is cry it all out because there's no one I can talk to about such matters except for God. Which by the way, I realize is the only one to talk to...He's the only one who can do anything about it anyway. It's a twisted tangled mess that includes way too many people, so talking about it isn't an option. I'm a talker...so God has got His ears filled these last couple days with slurred words, blubbering noises, and whaling that even a toddler can't produce.

"I am weary with my crying out; my throat is parched. My eyes grow dim with waiting for my God." ~Psalm 69:3. Until I have more clarification (because I can't trust my judgments right now), His Word is where I turn. I'm not alone there. What scares the "be Jesus" out of me...is exactly that; He was different, and didn't comply with the world nor their rules of normalcy. If I was to talk to anyone...they would in-fact think I was sick and have lost my mind. How in world could I go down this road? See, it's about forgiveness. It's about a forgiveness that isn't talked about. It's about despite the world view of how I should respond...I'm choosing to forgive. Believe me...I want to run away from this situation, and in the world's eyes I'd have validation for it.

Can I forgive at that level. That kind of forgiveness means to forget as God has forgotten...uhm, that's deep, that's hard, and to be honest I don't know if I can. I'm human...so is that kind of forgiveness possible? I don't know if I can live with myself if the consequences of it coming back to yet again be repeated. That's not my job tho...I don't know that...So, do I trust God that won't happen? I don't know if I can be like Jesus here. I thought for sure I was a follower...but, I can follow all day long. It's the "be like" Him that for the first time in my life...I just don't know that I can. See, I can forgive those whom do something to me ohhh how I wish this was anything like that. I've had to forgive my abusers, my naysayers, my parents, my grandparents, my friends, my kids, people from past relationships, all of that...so I thought I had forgiveness down.

But see the real issue here...is will I forgive myself for the decision that comes after the forgiveness. Do I stay, do I go, and whichever I do with this; will we be okay? The unknown is scary as hell. Sure there's people that if I had committed suicide and left a note with the story that would've said, "I wish she would've said something, I would've helped"...those people really aren't there like that. Those words come only when they are safe from having to fulfill such a need. I'm speaking from experience here because I've asked in the past...and that's when everyone seems to have not seen your message, it's urgency is dismissed, and is it even their responsibility? So yes, my past tends to help me make my decisions. I'm not going to share the tragic darts of this situation to find out no one is there to help with human effort. Again, a light bulb moment and reflection back to myself...am I there for others in this way? Seriously! Are we all so shut down behind the "knowing what they'd all would say and do" so why do it...then we sit in our pit of mire alone. All alone...well not Spiritual speaking but humanly speaking yes.

So...today I turn to God in my turmoil. It's Him alone that can do anything about it anyway. I do wonder what this is going to do for someone else...If I can't talk about it then how can I help another. It's my story but I'm involved deeply and entangled with so many more that it's not my place to put them out there. God help us!

A meme came across my screen that put it all into place for me along with the faithful prayers of some caring friends....If you went to Heaven, and God said...I forgive you to the same measure you gave forgiveness...how forgiven would I be? Matthew 6:15 "but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses". Ohhh do I need forgiveness too! Anybody else?

So, I'm not running away or ending the relationship of the one that has ultimately betrayed me...I'm going to embrace it...with healthy boundaries, stated expectations and not naive to being co-dependent, enabling, or excusing the behavior...Jesus didn't leave me when I've betrayed Him, so I'm not leaving this one either. May we all in this entangled mess allow Jesus to untie the knots in due time. Friendships are valuable & forgiveness is growth in the hardest sense of the word.

Release & Believe has never been so confirmed in my life as it is right now...this business in which I get the privilege of running will be stronger than ever because of my experiences. It's more than oils, it's being real with people in their situation, connecting on a personal level, and it's more than releasing...it's the power that comes in the changing ones intentions to affirmations & seriously believing it. I'm seeing a developing inner circle of support for those whom have been betrayed. If you'd like to have a connection, let me know. Thank you Jesus for allowing me to sit with you in your betrayal so that I may learn.


 #bedifferent #callustheweirdos #iwannabelikejesus #releaseandbelieve #inmyrawyouarenotalone