Eww!
Who wants to go there, though we all have at times? I’ve been yet again
convicted to write because I am a writer, but (there’s that procrastination
word and one that in my book reasons quietly under “failure”) I’ll never have
what it takes or even have a listening ear that is impacted, a reader
interested enough to read it, no one follows my kind of topics, I’ll never be
paid to do it; so why do it? So, what brings up this discussion?
I
downloaded an app recently that was suggested by the She Speaks Conference 2015 called First 5. This conference is something that I’ve
longed to be a part of or at least go to; hoping to learn what it takes to be “successful”
(that word is distorted in my perception of what it really looks like…different
for each person I’m assured, but being paid to do it would be the ultimate
favor of God). I could never go because I truly cannot afford to go in my
current financial place. I have a special needs son that I couldn’t find care
for him long enough to attend. All these excuses and the word never can really
bring someone down. Can I ever be okay with never getting to attend? Jealousy
sets in for those who get to go; and even more if it’s someone I know. :( Pitiful, I can’t
celebrate with them due to my own selfishness and pride.
By downloading this
app; I decided I’d actually check out what it had to offer.
Honestly,
the reason behind me seeking today’s devotion and what it had to offer was
because I have felt a nudge yet again to write; and more confirmations have
followed that nudge. I was seeking would God give me a yet another confirmation
today through the app? Ohhh did He! Not only confirmation did I get, along came
a greater conviction; I pray it brings healing.
Today’s
5 minutes with God is going to take way more than 5 minutes; it’s titled, Wanting
What You Have. A lovely quote tops off the page, “Contentment is the key to
experiencing success” by Wendy Pope. I
almost didn’t read it because its first appearance had nothing to do with me
writing. I was so wrong. It had everything to do with my not writing. It’s the
very reason I get stuck and then quit. The little but loud phrases that enter
my ear stating; I can’t, No one cares, No one will read it or be impacted, You
can’t afford to self publish and no publisher is ever going to take you on,
your grammar and language skills are not up to par, blah, blah, blah. Who wants
that yelling in their ear; not me, so I quit.
After
reading the devotion and digging deeper, I found myself processing the “My
Moment” question…”Is there someone whose success you envy? How can you begin to
celebrate them today?” Then it has a place for you to respond and keep your
ideas, thoughts, answers, notes called “My Moments”. My response to that was
this, I copied the verse 1 Timothy 6:6-8 (NIV); 6 But godliness with
contentment is great gain. 7 For we brought nothing into the world, and we can
take nothing out of it. 8 But if we have food and clothing, we will be content
with that.
Envy/jealously
has caused me to get stuck and quit especially if others’ success topic is in
the same realm of mine (writing, speaking, and women’s ministry). Is there someone,
you ask? There’s too many! I know the perception is off because there’s only
one me and one of them. We’re all given separate gifts, talents, callings in
life to build on and share the encouragement of Christ and all He has to offer.
We are to share so we too can be known and to know each other, making a way so
we can acknowledge we’re not alone.
I
can begin celebrating by first confessing this sin to God, then to someone else
so that I may be healed. God help me. I can’t move into what you have in store
for me, and now I see clearly why I’ve been stuck. Who knows, my beginnings
just might be writing about the celebrations of others? Ohhh that last sentence
is deep and hard but came out on paper quicker than I can process it in my
head. Yikes! God is good and he has a plan for
each of us; including me.
So
after typing all that in; a thought…I’ve gotta call one of my accountability
partners, Amy Dmyterko, Founder and Speaker of Tell It Ministries and confess. Not only
confessing my conviction of the day but also letting her know that she was also
one of those that I envied. Yuck! I hated to say it but I knew I had too. So I
celebrate her today; you’ll not find another that will make your belly hurt
with laughter pains, impact you for a lifetime, and make you jealous. A
beautiful woman inside and out; and guess what she makes mistakes too just like
us. She’s a woman after Christ and willing to tell it like it is. Kudo’s to you
Amy; I’m so happy for where you’ve come, been, gone, but more excited about
where God is taking your ministry and you personally. Hugs girl!!
As
my story unfolds…May you be encouraged, impacted, or if nothing else entertained
by my transparency in the trips, falls, and pit dwellings (ohh wait, and my
success’) on my journey of life. I am a writer (for that very statement I have to give credit to someone who doesn't know me but has been a part of this initial recent convictions to get back to writing due to his email in regards to stating my identity. Thanks Jeff Goins for your encouragement).
So, with that I will be content
because I have food and clothing. :)
Disclosure:
As always I do have my own dictionary; meaning I make up words, spell them
however I like and that’s ok. Forgive my errors for I am just a human no less
or better than you. Be Blessed and be thankful you don't have to be one of those whom have to listen to my dictionary of words. Pray for my husband and kids!
