Wednesday, August 15, 2018

Has your world been thrown for a loop?

Just like the journey of writing out a "?", there's an almost a full loop before an extreme shift or curve in life! I have found myself over the last year at places of turning almost the opposite direction in which I thought I was going. So many questions, and just at the right time; a journal study called The Quest by Beth Moore came across my eyes. The person I thought I could trust the most I cannot, and more-so be hurtful too. Starting a business only to be led to lay it all down for a path of trust instead; talk about giving up selfish pride. Who wants to give up money, status, followers, significance, a sense of purpose? No one, unless you've had a personal nudge from the Only One who can make life so much more than any of that can give. I can confidently and boldly say...I'm heading home. I don't belong here, and I was never meant to belong here...only here to do assignments along the path to home. No wonder I can't seem to "fit in" or the ways of the worldly views connect in agreement with me. I'm ecstatic now when the clouds show up in life for the storms I no longer fear, only gazing in awe at His Presence to pick such choice colors for my day.

If I was going to talk loops, I'd prefer to discuss fruit least those are sweet & delightfully colorful. Nope, loops & curves within our paths of life instead. He really keeps me guessing, and I'm learning slowly to trust him for the strength in the next circumstance, step into curve knowing He will direct me to the point of His complete will. It's there that I long because truly going through the Valley of Baca (tears) happens more than I care to share. I have asked Him many times, didn't I just pass through here? Why must I go through again? As long as I ask, guess what? He answers. Just like the rich man in the Bible whom God asked to sell all he had then to follow Him, was sorrowful; I know that feeling. My peers have often said, that's just not realistic! Really, I ask?

The moment I laid the business aside, new refreshing things started happening in my life. A spark of authentic down right joy bubbled up in my spirit, but none of that happened without true life distractions that came along thru stealth tactics to get my mind off of the direction I was to be going. If I'm honest the distractions took me to the "hole of stuck", and when I did get out...I fell into the ditch of gossip, self pity, and selfish intentions. Ugh, who wants to admit that? Not me, but under obedience to be vulnerable for others; I must. Someone needs to be validated, inspired, and to know it's going to be ok when things like this happens. The rescue never comes without cost though...humbled hearts have to shed pride. I didn't even realize how prideful I had been much less all the other selfish ambitions I had developed. No wonder I needed to let go of all that distracted I could get back on the path of Faith. All choices we make every single day are either Faith or Flesh choices. One leads to a blessed (that's a whole blog on it's own coming soon; the word doesn't mean what I've always thought at least; bless, blessing(s), blessed) life, and the other leads straight for betrayed in every sense of the word.

I've been quite the wanderer without my compass in hand. I was using social media news feeds, comments, followers, engagement or the lack there of, to judge my worth & comparison to being someone of significance. If no one commented, then I was confirming that I wasn't worth listening to. Good Grief!!!! What a LIE! So in ditching the dough $, I also was led to ditch all platforms of social media except this one to use as an avenue to pen down my pilgrimage. Social media was tools of  deviation for me. I signed out of Facebook, only to get notifications constantly that I was being sent messages thru Messenger; so I deleted the account altogether. I have seriously felt so bad for the group that I had started, but I didn't have a choice when my eye issues kept me from viewing the screen. I have laid down my smart phone pretty much completely except for a few texts & necessary phone calls. Speech to text & read aloud have been lifesavers for me during this time. I am assured I was allowed to experience this because I probably wouldn't have gotten off social media had it not. Sure great things happen on social media, but it's not for me at least not right now. I have no plans at this time of getting back on. I miss it, and the people with whom I was engaged with on there. It's been awesome at the same time being completely away from it. Do you have any idea how many hours you spend scrolling? For was mindlessly throwing away precious time for hearing His voice to fulfill the next step of the assignment. I don't want to miss a thing He has for me. "I can't gain the world and lose my own soul, what would that profit?" Matthew 16:26 That's profit.

So I wanted to update since it's been over two months since I've last written here...I'm working on a few projects. The Best behind the word Bless, Snail Mail Ministry, Ignorance of Intentions, and learning how to make homemade paper. The kiddo goes back to school next Tuesday, so hoping I can dive into these projects a little more, and get them finished so this pilgrim can put a pen to paper. Until next time...

Blessings from a Pilgrim's Pen!



Tuesday, June 5, 2018

Confirmations of a CRAZY Girl & God!

Maybe you don't look into the Scriptures to find answers for everyday affairs like I do, and maybe you don't get woke in the middle of the night being led to shave your hair all off...maybe you don't, but if you know how crazy obedience to the still small voice seems. It seems to be happening more & more lately & I'm so much more aware. I can't say I like it...but I do know that I don't want to EVER find out what happens if I don't follow through no matter how crazy it seems to others. I have found confirmations of such craziness throughout the Scriptures.

Noah looked really ridiculous building that ark. Thankfully Jesus' could've got down off that cross, but didn't...He was so mocked. Peter stepped out of a boat & walked on water too. Ruth after loosing her husband & father-in-law followed her mother-in-law away from all she had known. Who follows their mother-in-law especially after the husband that connects you dies? That's just nuts! Ohh and let's not forget the widow that was told to go borrow empty vessels from her neighbors to pour her "hardly any left" oil into them & it kept filling until all the vessels were full. At least she was like I would be...send the kids after them. There's always Joshua too that marched around a city for 7 days then yelled to make a wall fall down. Ridiculous! Over and over there's stories of a small amount like 2 loves and 5 fish feeding thousands with leftovers. I wouldn't believe it unless I was there either, cuz that is just CRAZY! There is so many more crazy requests God asked of people to do in obedience to Him. It was never really for themselves, but for others whom might hear, see, or for nothing more that testing of faithfulness.

Here's how it kinda happens for me...2 Kings 9. Verse 3 "Take this flask of oil, and pour it on his head..." Yep, just go show up at someone's place & dump some oil on their head while declaring what God has told you to do/say. Who would do it? I did. Maybe I'm crazy, but I have some heros, ancestors, and written confirmations that I'm part of such a family. Even in this...I'm not alone. But first...let me give you some back story.

April 10, 2018 was the day I posted I was going off social media for the last 50 of 150 day silent project I felt called to do from the beginning of the year. I just knew when I felt lead to do this, that something must be coming that would need my full attention. Sure, like in my last blog post I had a book to write, I had another project to work on in regards to the 100 women & their answers/stories they had submitted to me, but there was something else. I was almost assured I'd be touching on the "#mountup" word/phrase for the year that I've been discussing since the end of last year. Why would God ask me to get off social media, I had a business to run & I ran it through social media, internet, etc. Here's a small dialog of my conversation with God.

I said, "God you know I have a money story (that's a whole series/book in itself) & this request takes away from me working. If I don't work, I don't eat...Your Word says so in 2 Thessalonians 3:10." A quick response of a voice deep within me, said...TRUST. "God, I'm tired of always trusting in this area, I'm pretty stinking sick of it actually. This area causes me more grief and depressed days than any other. I have had no other choice but to trust You. You have allowed my supports to be taken away so that I have no care whatsoever for K, so I can work outside the home to help supply for our family. Rick shouldn't have to carry all the load, and for a matters of fact Your Word says I can ask, and shall receive too...what about that?"

Oh yes, I have these very conversations to the point & sassy just as I am with any of you reading now that know me. He knows every fine detail about me, why would I try and fake who I am, who He made me when I talk with Him. If anyone can handle my "some say disrespectful attitude & approach to God" He can. He loves me despite all that...and if He wants me to change, let me promise you this...He will allow me to go through some stuff so I do. He is Sovereign to me & I won't try to fake or cover up my "real" with Him.

So, the following Friday after going offline I went to bed, only to be awaken with an intense sense of an acquaintance flooding my mind that I had met a couple times at a church we went to in the past. I didn't know any of the stuff she was enduring at that moment, but when I get awaken like that...I always pray. While in prayer for this lady...I had a strong clear direction "shave your hair off for her & go anoint her". "What? My hair...NO! Are you crazy, why would shaving my hair off need to be done?" I was quite disturbed, but had fell back to sleep after praying. I couldn't get this off my mind the entire weekend. Saturday came & went with the thoughts popping up several times throughout the day, but I hadn't said a word to anyone about this. Why shave my head? Sunday came...and mid-morning I couldn't stand the pressure & stirring in my spirit; heavy, it was heavy. I went to the garage where my husband was...and I looked at him...he said, "What?"

I said, I got woke up Friday night to pray for Mary Roberts' & that I need to go anoint her. Hubby with a quick response said, "You know, you better do what you're lead to do. Ohh and by the way, Gene (her husband) had just posted on FB that he shaved his head because she had lost her hair & started chemo." I cried...NO!!! Hubby so confused, "what?????" I said, I was told to do it too (shave my head for her). I said, "Why did you have to just confirm that?" He just looked at me, LOL. I said, "I don't even know her, I don't have a phone #, and I'm not on social media to get ahold of her to see if she'll even allow me to come." I asked Rick if he had contact info still, and he did (of course he did)...if nothing more message thru FB.  He sent the message. Hours went by, and Galatians 6:2 just kept overwhelming me as I walked up to Rick later that afternoon & said...I can't stand it anymore...shave it! Just as I said it, Rick's phone went off with a message from Gene that we could come.

OHHHH Lord what are you doing?!! I don't know her & she doesn't know me...God did NOT care.

I cried, I just couldn't fathom what difference it would make, and I don't know that I'll ever know the impact.

This couple is going to think I've lost my mind when I ask to pour (anoint) oil over her head & pray...boy, was I wrong. Cuz we're not talking about a dab of olive oil on the forehead. I'm talking pour frankincense until it runs like read about with it running down the beard of Aaron in Psalm 133:2. It was accepted with much love & that moment I will cherish forever. The Spirit was alive and moving beyond comprehension in their home. I loved that when I walked in...she saw me, and said "ohhh you got the same haircut I do." I wake daily now to look in the mirror and pray for her. Would you add Mary Roberts to your prayer list...thank you in advance.

What I do know now tho, is that you find out who you really are when you no longer have things that you used to make yourself up. I don't need hair to be me. I don't need hair to be beautiful, and for a matters of fact bald is beautiful. Bald is cheaper on the budget too. Boy, I can get ready in no time flat now. Showers are so much shorter, and the electricity is none for the blow dryer & curling irons. 
But also...people pay attention, and this had given hope to another long distance friend that had seen me when I had come to town for a class. That friend called me up to share some of her God directed stories, and said she felt confident that at least I would understand. Boy, do I. Sometimes we need someone else to understand where we are coming from. It's a weird place to be, and you definitely stand out from the crowd, "I have never fit in". I may never know the real reasons why...but knowing I didn't disobey, and by obeying another friend found me trustworthy to speak to is enough for me. 

I may be missing the mark altogether, and if I am it's ok...I'm human & I fail in the eyes of others all the time, but I'm not alone. I am reminded of the well known Bible teacher, Beth Moore has had her own crazy what she was called to do HERE. God uses the willing, and blesses the obedient. Check out my Facebook story images for today...they line right up. Be blessed!

Mary Roberts, you are no longer just an acquaintance! Our paths crossed for much more than my craziness. Much love & prayers of complete healing! Gene is pretty darn special too! Hugs!

Until next time, Release & Believe!



Sunday, June 3, 2018

What shoes you wear matter...

where you get them, and what you believe in matters too. My experience says, we can't pick great shoes without trying them on.

I posted that I would be doing some reveals from my 150 days of silence & what had come from that here's some of that. If you aren't a friend or follow me on FB/IG feel free to @releaseandbelieve, I've hyperlinked them so you can just click on either of those to do that. There's no way I can give the entire story in one post, nor will you be able to keep up with updates & understand without following along.

I posted this image on social media yesterday after being off the last 50 of the 150 days of silence. Warning, when I speak...I speak a lot from a spiritual aspect because I can't do life without that aspect; it's just who I am. If you are not a believer in Jesus', His death, resurrection, and our Creator & Heavenly Father Jehovah God then it's possible none of this makes sense to you. I will ask that if you are at all intrigued to find out where this is going, then hold on for the ride...because this may just be written just for you at just the perfect time. He loves you like that, I promise. Yep, you reading this!

When I started this 150 days of silence I really thought it was a time to get my business going in a different direction because of my word/phrase of the year "Mount Up" (read about Mount Up here), and I had asked 100 women to help me out by answering some questions. I thought it was going to be a time to work on those answers, but it ended up me praying for each and every one of those 100 women & their situations throughout that first 100 days (more to come about that). I started to get very intrigued with the number 150...and why that number. I go to the Bible every time I'm looking for answers. From that I found Noah & the Ark story with the earth flooded for 150 days, there is 150 Psalms, so I studied those while on this journey. I found it quite funny that while Noah was on the Ark, he only had his God, family & animals to speak to. He didn't have his friends, outside supports, Facebook, or Google etc. He was in silence to the rest of the world as well. Hmmm, God what are you up to in this...something tells me that I will not know until the end of this year, at least. I'm still in the process & going to journey on while taking you along. Mount up, get ready...

***REVEAL*** I wrote a book while I was away. For my friends who know me, can you believe it? I did it!! I don't know that it will ever be published for sale to the general public, but I did it! I have been led many times to write throughout my life but never completed anything that could go to an editor/printer.

So I want to give you an excerpt from my book & involves this image...

Ephesians 6:15 "and having your feet fitted with readiness that comes from the gospel of peace;"

"You've always had the power my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself" ~Wizard of Oz.

"I got to take a exhilarating journey down my own yellow brick road, and it went almost just as the story "The Wizard of Oz". I found through the storms in my life how I was missing an important part of successfully finding answers & having provisions for the endurance. I had wasted many moments of life being unprepared for what was to come. I'm sure you too have found yourself side swiped by situations that left you breathless, alone & without hope of what was to come.  Characters or new friends would come into my life at times of needed direction, but seemingly didn't have the qualities I thought would be helpful at the time. Boy, was I wrong. They didn't seem to have the courage, heart, or sometimes brains to what I would chose for a friend typically. Confession, I have judged that some who seem to be insignificant to my life have been the most significant of all. I was on a journey for answers and they were my support to getting where I needed to get (at least where I thought I needed to get) the wizard."

Wait till you find out about the wizard, he is not as he, would you want to read such a book if it was published?

The book is called So happens...
covering topics in regards to the the stories and answers of the 100 women gave me earlier. Example topics include men, money, marriage, mothers, munchkins, and medical diagnosis'.

Crazy, huh? I have told God how CRAZY He is so much over the last 5 months with doing this. I'm glad He laughs right back at me, yep He's everything a daddy would be as I imagine because I didn't have my earthly one. Wait until you hear more of the stories, like why I shaved my hair all off. No, not to be my husbands twin. It and all of this has to do with obedience to Him, see I so lovingly fear Him. He is all powerful & always faithful...I don't want to miss all that is in store for me. So, you must get fitted with the right shoes for your journey & that only comes from one place...the gospel of peace. It's the only way to stand firm against all that could come your way. Storms are inevitable, and without being could find yourself not able to stand for a very long time. Why red? Dorothy had ruby red slippers, and mine come from the blood of Jesus whom died for you & I. See we're covered by the blood! Your sins are forgiven if you only release your fear, and ask with believing. So what would it hurt to try? Try on new shoes fit just for you so you can stand in & thru the storms that come. Peace is so comfortable!

Until next time Release it all & Believe in Him!

Until every knee bows,



Friday, April 6, 2018

Don't settle for a diagnosis...dig hard, be rooted!

Do you have a chronic illness, are you dealing with multiple diagnosis', are you tired of not being heard by your medical team, do you feel there's just something missing? I see you, I feel you, and I hear you...let me give you something to think about because this post isn't about us as much as it is hope for somebody else. May our experience be a boat of recovery, rescue, light and overall healing for somebody. Read to the bottom to see the list. Please share or tag someone who needs to see that list & is suffering.

We are tired, but we know there's something not right. Many will accept their diagnosis' as the final answer, and many are relieved after getting a diagnosis' so they know what they're working with. Let me encourage you not to settle. Roots...get grounded in God & His Word...and He will bring you understanding. By me being rooted daily in Him, He hasn't allowed me to settle with any of this medical stuff with our kiddo just yet. Through the journey I keep thinking ohhhh we've found it, only to go even deeper...roots can run deep. 

Bandaids cover symptoms they do not get to the root of the problem to bring recovery, cures, or healing as a whole. Let me give you a few examples of why you should not quit on your quest to the best you medically.

1. K was given melatonin as a toddler because he wouldn't go to sleep, wouldn't stay asleep, tossed & turned all night long. Melatonin did help, but it didn't stop it. I felt so uneasy about giving even this safe medication because it stops the body from making the hormone naturally. He's only 3 (almost 13 now), why would I want to set him up for a future like that? My advice...all sleep issues need a sleep study, period! We found out he actually has restless leg syndrome. He was put on a NOT approved for children restless leg syndrome medication instead. We use to trust the doctors too...only to make him worse, needing higher doses of medication. It had to STOP! Back to digging deeper...found deficiencies were the root...but that wasn't ever discussed until we brought it up to the dr.

2. Meds at 4 for ADHD symptoms, that turned into an Autism diagnosis as well...only to find out at 11 that he had Central Auditory Processing Disorder which he needed receivers...made so much difference. See how one thing has led to another.

We're not done. This is now what we're bringing up to the doctors after the latest DNA testing...they did 3 of the 4 available & the 4th one will tell us more about what we're actually dealing with. Look at this list...each and every single one of those are labels/boxes to put you under for a medication to be prescribed. Are we at the root, I don't know yet, but it is about to get interesting around here...just look at the list & see if you fall into any of these categories. Question it, ask, keep digging for yourself. That 3 of 4 DNA tests they just done on him, I question why was the 4th left out? It is the MTHFR DNA test....see here

MTHFR Mutation Symptoms and Signs
Although researchers still aren’t entirely sure which diseases and disorders an MTHRF mutation might contribute to most, evidence exists that the following health problems are tied to one of two primary forms of genetic MTHFR mutation:

Autism and other childhood learning developmental problems
Down syndrome
Depression and anxiety
Spina bifida
Bipolar disorder
Autoimmune disorders and thyroid disorders
Addictions (alcohol and drug dependence for example)
Chronic pain disorders
Heart problems, including low HDL “good” cholesterol levels and high homocysteine levels
Hormonal problems and fertility problems, including miscarriages and PCOS
Pulmonary embolisms
Chronic fatigue syndrome
Parkinson’s disease, other tremor disorders and Alzheimer’s disease
Digestive problems, including irritable bowel syndrome
Problems during pregnancy, including preeclampsia and postpartum depression

The severity and type of symptoms that someone experiences depends on the variant of the mutation the person has, along with much how the ability to carry out methylation and make MTHFR enzymes is impacted. Some people produce up to 70 percent to 90 percent fewer enzymes than those without MTHFR mutations. Other experience much less drastic drops in enzyme levels, around 10 percent to 30 percent.

Don't give are worth it...find the root!

Wednesday, April 4, 2018

When I can't get the chatterbox to shut up!

No, this time I'm not talking about the kiddo. This time it's my internal chatterbox blasting lies, shame, and ideas of hopelessness about my current situation. I was given a critical review today over a project I've been working on that is due to release at the end of May. I have no one to talk to about it except God, hubby, and the dogs because I've been instructed by the Lord to keep several things going on in my life quiet for 150 days (started Jan 1, 2018). Yes, I know it's a weird number...and what's 150 days got to do with it? I had to ask for myself, "Lord, if I don't find it in your Word (Bible) then I'm going to dismiss it." Sure enough Noah's Ark was afloat & the earth was completely flooded for that 150 days. You can read that for yourself here. Genesis 7:24 "And the waters prevailed on earth one hundred and fifty days." There you have it...Noah, didn't have anyone to talk to either except the animals, his family & God. I am.

That critical review was complete truth, but that didn't make it any more emotionally distraught to hear it. Truth is hard! It listed all the things I had done wrong. It had pointed out things that could be changed that I thought was good. It came with a written voice like a teacher with the red pen checking every point, and there was NO smiley faces. took me back to elementary education. It's clear I had some red marks back then, huh? Which all of that says "Yvonne, you did bad, you are bad, and it's pointless!" Anybody else? I wanted to quit tonight for a half a second...then I remembered. I have tools in my toolbox for this. These are lies from the pits of hell. I can do this, I will show them, and even if I don't complete it...guess what?  I learned some things, I am better for it, and it'll help someone later. I have found that most of the experiences I've been through is so I can better relate & help someone else later. I will continue to try at least thru the 150 days. What are my tools??

Thankfully I had recently finished a book called Crash The Chatterbox: Hearing God's voice above all others. In the book there's a part where the author asks "What great deeds are in danger of remaining undone in your life because of lies that were planted in your past or fears that are looming in your future?" This is almost the exact sentence I use in my practice.

My other way of shutting up the chatter is to process it thru aromas. What?! Yes, it's called aroma freedom technique. You know how you smell pie & it reminds you of grandma's house...that's how this works. It's a simple 12 step process that I fell in love with because I was able to process stuff I didn't even know I was holding on to. I was able to process in 30 mins what I couldn't touch in typical counseling for 3 years. I loved the simplicity of it so much that I went and got my certification in the technique. From my pains, my business was born. The relationships I've built from this practice are so humbling, the beautiful testimonies on the website, and reviews on my Facebook & Instagram business pages called Release & Believe. Why did I call my business name that? It's biblical personal to me in regards to releasing my all to God, believing in Him, but it also names the last two oils needed for the aroma session. My pain was turned into a passion & it gave me purpose. What more could I ask for? God has turned ashes to beauty...and I get to watch and partake others in healing.

So if you're overwhelmed, stressed out, and can't begin to shut off the chatter...let me give you a 60 second technique that you can do for yourself. You will need 3 oils; Stress Away, Frankincense, and Lavender. 1 drop each in the less dominant hand, rub counterclockwise with dominant hand...then inhale. That's it. Watch what happens. It's amazing! No it won't do a complete clearing & transformation like an entire session, but it will get you over the hump. It's a simple self-care.

You can get those needed 3 oils under products here, but if you'd like to how to save more money on those products...comment below, email me, come talk to me on social media on the links above, or contact me here.

Update: as soon as I posted this I got a message from my red check mark critical review: I'll be sure to go to bed smiling now! Don't give up!

**Notice: This blog contains some affiliate links

Tuesday, March 20, 2018

Hell on Earth = boy + autism + hormones + life

Always a dirty face...but gosh how can we not love it!
He says he needs eye cream for the bags 😂😂😂
Who taught him such?
A major shift has happened in the stink, the growth, the new hair, the dirt, the attitude of a growing almost 13 year old boy. Our guts are telling us that just because labs say we're normal something else is going on, and in the days ahead with Easter coming there's a stirring in the Spiritual realm for people; hell on earth is real for some. So let's talk about something positive...

Pull up a chair, grab a drink, and hang on with me here. I'm beyond estastic that I have been able to conquer the winter blues like never before. I have not officially been diagnosed with SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), but I can tell you that the winter months for years pretty much put me out of commission. I found my daily routine to include some major napping time and so lethargic I never got anything truly accomplished. I lost interest in most things, even my family. I had tried all the therapies, and even some medications at one point. I'm just not meant for meds. January 2017 was my worst month ever, and to the point that I actually was strategically planning out my end days. Am I proud of that, no...I just want to give someone hope today. That isn't what I truly wanted, but in the moment it was because there just wasn't another way out. I was done. I was tired. I cried daily for Jesus to come back. Some say this is selfish...ok, maybe it is, but I couldn't help it in the moment. Don't say I didn't really trust God/Jesus/Holy Spirit either, you can just click off this blog now if that's your response...this isn't for you, nor can you understand it. The darkness overtakes without my control. I didn't know what to do with it, much less having the energy to take it on.

So, what happened this year that has been different from all the years prior? I found tools, and I've now got a toolbox that stays close. Those tools are people who give a damn, aromas that change my mood instantly, a written out journal, notes to myself from God, supplements I was deficient in, and the love of God that I now believe what He said is true for me. I just don't believe in Him like He's some thing in a far away galaxy bossing me around, but a true friend who accompanies me every single moment I allow & He's there when I don't. Thank you God for showing up through a friend, and that bottle of sweet bergamot that saved me that final day of making plans. Mental Health has gone frantic in the world these days, and I'll be the first to tell you that most of it falls in the diet we eat. No I have no products to save, treat, cure, or even suggest to help...I do have my journey of hope though that through it there is light at the end of the tunnel. There's somebody who understands, and you are not alone...I'm here if you have no one else. Feel free to send me a friend request, follow me on FB & IG @releaseandbelieve. I hope every single day through me surviving that I can make a smile appear on just one face. That's all I care about...releasing the need to be significant to many to be only approved by the One who matters & holds my life in His hands. My value comes no more from the number of followers or comments on a social media platform. My career no longer is valued by how many people I see, but that one is changed forever; the rest I trust in my God to provide. He's done so much more than that.

I never once thought what all is coming into fruition was even a possibility, and to be honest; I'm still wondering if I want it. Doing it scared, doing it because it keeps falling before me, doing it because until the door closes I'm going to examine all the opportunities placed before me. If it's not meant for me, the door will close; it always has. I'll be blogging as time goes on about this business adventure as well. If you've read my past know this is the year to be courageous & Mount UP! (as Eagles Wings I'll soar & in those wings I take refuge in my God).

Ok, back to the original reasoning of this post...I need help with this growing boy. I can handle all things girly and that hot mess of seasonal dramatic hormones, boys, make-up, and alike. Boys tho...I just don't have it. Stinky, puberty drama, and the necessity to hold the privates in public is about to put me over the edge. Maybe this is why I did make it through the winter because this...this stage would've been the straw that broke the camel's back. Ok, I get it...boys...but you all know we don't have a typical boy...let's throw some special needs and autism in the mix. Anybody...any momma out there that has already been through this, I'd appreciate a comment, reach out & suggest, let me hear your advice. I want to strangle him. Thank God again for His Word that is putting me through a study of how children are the Apple of God's eye, and how I should look upon them. Eyes roll and face palms happen more often than I care to admit. A major shift has happened, school started calling again with behaviors that just aren't like him to conduct...something is out of whack. When things go out like that for weeks, not just a disruption in schedule or overstimulation in a store...I start looking at his gut health. We observe poop. Yep, Call me Poop Master...because I'm telling you the truth of health shows in poop. The shape, the size, the consistency, the timing, how often, the color...are you grossed out yet? Well, without further descriptions of why I know a major shift has happened; we'll just say there's been a shift in poop.

We're changing our eating habits again. Welcome AIP (Auto-Immune Protocol)...I didn't know the impact of nightshades. I'm sad to some level that my garden will be way different this year, and I'm sure going to miss those tomatoes, less fruit, and thankful grass fed beef is included. We're 4 days in...and it's not making me cranky like I thought it might. The first 3 days usually are torture when you change a diet that significantly impacts immediately, and if one is emotionally attached to certain foods, etc. We'll see, and I'll keep you posted. Another reason we chose this me. I'm having some major inflammation issues that are causing problems. We'll be doing a full digest & cleanse next month along with a parasite cleanse just for rule of thumb. My labs say that my inflammation markers are down, but my body is not agreeing. I've learned to trust my body over the conventional medicine protocol. I've become very aware of what is happening in my body since using AFT (Aroma Freedom Technique) in my practice. I can feel when emotions settle in places they don't belong (because they should be processed immediately and released)'s weird to be so aware; aware of my digestion process, aware of my circulation, aware of muscle tension, and too much stress.

We're in full swing with Spring Break here, and daddy is taking off work for some vacation time. We have decided to stay within driving range (staycation), but far enough to try new waters for our fishing poles. Did you know the state of Kansas finally changed their licenses to be good 1 year from the date of purchase instead of the calendar year...YIPPEE!! We're all excited about that.

We also have been trying new therapies with the kiddo over spring break...self directed therapies; meaning we allow him to use his imagination & we go with's amazing what we are learning through this. His sleep has never been better (so that's not a side affect to anything going on in the daytime), and we're excited to see where this newest journey takes us with him. I'm always looking for the best for him... without losing out time on who he is in the moment. It took a long time for me to take my eyes of all the researching to "fix" it, and instead enjoy learning him in the moment. God made this clear to me in Mark 10:14-16 recently, and I'll never look at my son the same again. That innocence that is in him is a place many of us, especially me, has never known or definitely has lost along the way. K teaches me so much about truth, trust and transformation. Until next time...thank you for reading & enduring our journey with us in spirit. He made some light spinning bubbles as one of the therapy sessions...see them here.

If you know a momma with special needs and the teenager life of boys please tag her, send her my way, share so I can find comfort in others, hope for our future, and just being are greatly appreciated already for the help.

Hard Loves...Release & Believe there is more for you to come.

Tuesday, March 6, 2018

Inner Child Revelation

Our son one of the best teachers of life. I only wish I could have his disconnect of social requirements he has most days. He speaks truth to himself and others. As I've studied him along with love him...his diagnosis has been a wealth of information. It's him who God has used to heal me on so many levels.

So...there's days that the light bulb comes on & I wonder how in the world I didn't know this sooner. For example, this whole look on fitting in the world. It was passed down to me on social norms of communication, social dress, an overall social etiquette. What I didn't know was that I had the right to be different, and that I didn't have to meet these expectations of others. So while, I thought what I was taught was right...I passed that on to my own children. Now to re-train myself so I don't try to push onto the kiddo that still lives at home.

Have you ever discovered that something you were taught as a child at home wasn't the way you want to view it as an adult? You're a smart, well-rounded, and well-educated person, right? So why is it you keep making the same poor choices over and over again? I'm learning...maybe late, but never too late.

I was taught I had to fit in if I was ever going to "be" anything at all. If I didn't, I would be rejected, I would be a failure, I wouldn't be know what...all those things still happened though I did all the things I was told/taught to do. I'm not blaming my heritage at all, but I no longer agree with that concept. K belongs everywhere, but belongs no where...just as I as I hope to be brave enough to belong not fit in. Pic #2


You'd never guess what was going in the diffuser at the time of this welling up in my spirit...I'm telling's amazingly powerful stuff. Pic #3 Release Her/'s way more fun!


📸 credit: Pic #1: This image of the inner child is on the internet in multitudes, so wasn't sure who should get the original credit. Burning Man is a festival in Nevada. The ART itself credit goes to 'Love,' by Ukrainian sculptor Alexander Milov

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