Why can't this child just get it?...It's JUST elementary writing, math, attention and organization

but it's more than just that. It's executive function or working memory...my heart yearns to understand the depth of my son, so I can find the accommodations, modifications, and adaptive tools to help him to be the best he can be. Sure I can accept him just as he is but society has proven to be a not such a friendly place for those whom are different especially in school. I'm hoping to not only teach acceptance and give awareness but to also give strategies so the gap within society and him isn't so large. I can't be at school all the time so I'm always looking for explanations and tutorials of what it might be like for any child that struggles with any area of executive functioning. To be honest until recent years, I didn't even know what that word meant. I had to educate myself because until I understand, there is no way to "know" him. Until a teacher understands there's no way to fully explain and grasp the need to look outside the box of norm to help these children.

I'd personally get so aggervated when he wouldn't calm down and listen to me during homework...I was making it so clear and simple; but now I see it wasn't anything about me or how I was giving the information. IT was either the distraction of "not enough equal spaces to write" on a paper that he was hyper focused on, or it was the dryer going, the dogs growling, and the lighting that I could easily ignore. Even if it was completely quite...he'd hear a fly in another room. Imagine that? He has hearing loss yes but he hears things in "loud" tone that most don't. I'm running on a Windows system and he is running on a Mac so to speak; two different operating systems. All things can be mastered but done in very different ways when one's brain is wired differently. I'm loving his brains right now. Being a mom who loves to write, type, and tell stories, it's been a hard journey for me to connect; but I've now got the connection through verbalization. I like to talk...and well, if you know me at all; you're smiling/ok, laughing! :D

I've been a part-time scribe for him for about 2 years now due to his overwhelming reactions when asked to write. I can get him to write but it's frustrating to say the least, so I do some and he does some; turn taking. I have learned what battles to fight and this isn't one of them.I've seen such growth in maturity, understanding, disciplines, and a full grasp on what it looks like to try for him. He works so hard but I didn't realize how hard until now. I owe this kid a pat on the back tonight.

Today, I've was brought to my knees at the rock bottom of humility when it comes to understanding. I'll have more patience, acceptance, and drive to share what I've learned today. I'm sorry I didn't realize how bad it really was son! I was introduced to a simulator; Through Your Child's Eyes, and I encourage you to look at it too. The demographics that I put in may be very different from yours but can I tell you the organization, writing, math and attention stimulators was frustrating enough for me that I will have to see about changing our homework atmosphere and approach. Hearing the information from the children themselves...wow! You must use a computer and not your phone as it doesn't work the same; believe me I tried. I was in tears by the time I was done because I now, I "get it". I'm thankful the journey has brought me to this time and place but ohhh how I wish I would've known sooner.

He struggles so much with writing especially, but now math and I wondered why? Common core math is taking this type of already enhanced anxiety to a whole other level. I'm thankful for the moment he's enjoying fractions; we use lego's at home for a visual and draw pictures for the word stories. I hope teachers will see that with some of these kids just a simple 2+2 is enough without adding more steps pushing the executive function into overload. He already had attention and organization difficulties so this added stress has caused not only homework to be an issue, but his self esteem. He's finally realizing how different he is and it makes me so sad. I've seen countless videos where other kids have jumped in for support, been a defense against bullying, and becoming a friend. This also breaks my heart because my guy hasn't found that friend. Sure he has kids he might play with on the playground, but it doesn't go outside school. Every friend he has made has left him by moving or whatever which only counts for 2.  To be almost 11 years old and not having a friend breaks my heart. The kids in his class are more "mature" than he is and their interests are very different, so I don't blame the other kids; they don't have a connection.

His medical diagnosis' include Neurofibromatosis, ADHD, ASD, RLS, PLMD, Receptive & Expressive Language Disorder (though this has become quite minimal after a great 2 years of speech therapy), mild hearing loss, and SPD. He really struggles with memory. He's in the 4th grade and repeated 2nd grade. I've found it so fascinating that he really doesn't have very many math facts memorized when you just ask him outright, but let him be on a game where he has to control something and he can spout off math facts like nobody's business. The concentration it takes to play the game frees up his memory...amazing isn't it? I found this out by accident and was floored. He struggles to write a sentence much less a paragraph, but ask him to tell you a story verbally? You got all day? The creativeness that is in this child and so many more is outstandingly beautiful.

Once I get outside myself and my needs/wants...he's a wealth of information. My frustration usually comes from being interrupted with my own time. Selfish...and we all are some of the time. As I've been going through my parent ABA training, I've also been smacked in the face of reality that I cause most of his frustrations and meltdowns. Those fits are not just coming from no where...there's a reason, always a reason and antecedent. Now I can plan ahead accordingly most of the time; not all the time...and Wallah! We are having very few episodes of meltdowns...it's a beautiful place. :)

Now to take this news that I have learned and make his life even better! What a day! I'm a better parent for this and hope to be the catalyst for others to understand. For this picture is the very reason...I keep searching...

Blessings!
~Yvonne

4 steps to NO MORE FOOD/SWEET Cravings (Step 2)

For those of you still needing or wanting to read Part 1 of this journey, please click here.

My lettuce is growing beautifully in the window! :)

Well update on Mr. K; he's officially off the RLS meds as of tonight. That means since Jan. 1st he has been taken off 4 different meds. We have one more nighttime med to go but that won't come until we go back for his 3 month lab. This leaves only 4 medications (4 dosing times and 7 pills) to go...I'm so hopeful. We have used a therapeutic essential oil from Young Living called Grounding for the last 3 nights (including tonight). He has had no issues going to sleep, he has not gotten up complaining, he has slept all night. Now with that said, here's a note on sleep disorders if you haven't read my past blogs. Even though he's in bed, appears to be asleep, and doesn't get up doesn't mean his body is deficient of sleep; good sleep called REM sleep. 

Restless Leg Syndrome, Periodic Limb Movement Disorder, Sleep Apnea,etc are real issues that cause daytime behaviors especially in kids. If we don't sleep well then ADHD, emotional, defiant, etc type symptoms might occur during the day because they are actually tired and that's how they respond. So we also know that; we're probably going to have to have another sleep study to see how bad/good it really is. With his deficiencies that we found;  he has now a full regime of supplements because unfortunately we can no longer get all we need from the food sources like once upon a time even though we've went fully to organic whole foods. 

Koda and I both are feeling on the downside tonight so I'm hoping it's not what has been going around. I know we're still deficient in our nutrients, etc...and can't wait until we do a whole family detox during Spring break. We're waiting until then because we know it's going to be hard the first few days, and trying to go to school under such circumstances so we want to support Koda as a family doing this.

So now that's been updated; let's get right to the 2nd step:

#2 Netflix & Chill ;) 

(for the uninformed reader...Netflix and Chill is the new "have sex" slang: Netflix and chill is an English language slang term using an invitation to watch Netflix together as a euphemism for sex, either between partners or casually as a booty call.) (Source: Wikipedia)

or do exercises like I do watching the educational documentaries. Wow! I'm glad I don't have any teenagers right now & have to listen to see if they're Netflix and chillin'. 

Tip: Eat before watching such suggestions. 

Be Educated with the food you eat; where does it come from? What's in it? What does those ingredients mean? So to help you out and to give you a jump start to what took me quite some time to find and get (no need in all of us waiting 42+ years to pay attention and get the right information. 

Here's the list:

Food, Inc. (Warning: some graphic slaughterhouse video's)

Food Matters

Hungry for Change

Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead

Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead 2

Forks over Knifes

Fed Up

Cooked

Spinning Plates

Jiro Dreams of Sushi

Inside: Chipotle

Super Size Me

More than Honey

Somm

I Like Killing Flies

That'll keep you busy for awhile. I'm personally so thankful that Netflix has these as part of their selections. I realize this is one of my short ones but there's a lot of information here about the 2nd step....You wouldn't read it all; so I just gave you the videos and excuse to watch. 

I've got to take of myself so I'm going to bed. Say a prayer if you will. TIA!!

Blessings,

~Yvonne