I'd personally get so aggervated when he wouldn't calm down and listen to me during homework...I was making it so clear and simple; but now I see it wasn't anything about me or how I was giving the information. IT was either the distraction of "not enough equal spaces to write" on a paper that he was hyper focused on, or it was the dryer going, the dogs growling, and the lighting that I could easily ignore. Even if it was completely quite...he'd hear a fly in another room. Imagine that? He has hearing loss yes but he hears things in "loud" tone that most don't. I'm running on a Windows system and he is running on a Mac so to speak; two different operating systems. All things can be mastered but done in very different ways when one's brain is wired differently. I'm loving his brains right now. Being a mom who loves to write, type, and tell stories, it's been a hard journey for me to connect; but I've now got the connection through verbalization. I like to talk...and well, if you know me at all; you're smiling/ok, laughing! :D
I've been a part-time scribe for him for about 2 years now due to his overwhelming reactions when asked to write. I can get him to write but it's frustrating to say the least, so I do some and he does some; turn taking. I have learned what battles to fight and this isn't one of them.I've seen such growth in maturity, understanding, disciplines, and a full grasp on what it looks like to try for him. He works so hard but I didn't realize how hard until now. I owe this kid a pat on the back tonight.
Today, I've was brought to my knees at the rock bottom of humility when it comes to understanding. I'll have more patience, acceptance, and drive to share what I've learned today. I'm sorry I didn't realize how bad it really was son! I was introduced to a simulator; Through Your Child's Eyes, and I encourage you to look at it too. The demographics that I put in may be very different from yours but can I tell you the organization, writing, math and attention stimulators was frustrating enough for me that I will have to see about changing our homework atmosphere and approach. Hearing the information from the children themselves...wow! You must use a computer and not your phone as it doesn't work the same; believe me I tried. I was in tears by the time I was done because I now, I "get it". I'm thankful the journey has brought me to this time and place but ohhh how I wish I would've known sooner.
He struggles so much with writing especially, but now math and I wondered why? Common core math is taking this type of already enhanced anxiety to a whole other level. I'm thankful for the moment he's enjoying fractions; we use lego's at home for a visual and draw pictures for the word stories. I hope teachers will see that with some of these kids just a simple 2+2 is enough without adding more steps pushing the executive function into overload. He already had attention and organization difficulties so this added stress has caused not only homework to be an issue, but his self esteem. He's finally realizing how different he is and it makes me so sad. I've seen countless videos where other kids have jumped in for support, been a defense against bullying, and becoming a friend. This also breaks my heart because my guy hasn't found that friend. Sure he has kids he might play with on the playground, but it doesn't go outside school. Every friend he has made has left him by moving or whatever which only counts for 2. To be almost 11 years old and not having a friend breaks my heart. The kids in his class are more "mature" than he is and their interests are very different, so I don't blame the other kids; they don't have a connection.
His medical diagnosis' include Neurofibromatosis, ADHD, ASD, RLS, PLMD, Receptive & Expressive Language Disorder (though this has become quite minimal after a great 2 years of speech therapy), mild hearing loss, and SPD. He really struggles with memory. He's in the 4th grade and repeated 2nd grade. I've found it so fascinating that he really doesn't have very many math facts memorized when you just ask him outright, but let him be on a game where he has to control something and he can spout off math facts like nobody's business. The concentration it takes to play the game frees up his memory...amazing isn't it? I found this out by accident and was floored. He struggles to write a sentence much less a paragraph, but ask him to tell you a story verbally? You got all day? The creativeness that is in this child and so many more is outstandingly beautiful.
Once I get outside myself and my needs/wants...he's a wealth of information. My frustration usually comes from being interrupted with my own time. Selfish...and we all are some of the time. As I've been going through my parent ABA training, I've also been smacked in the face of reality that I cause most of his frustrations and meltdowns. Those fits are not just coming from no where...there's a reason, always a reason and antecedent. Now I can plan ahead accordingly most of the time; not all the time...and Wallah! We are having very few episodes of meltdowns...it's a beautiful place. :)
Now to take this news that I have learned and make his life even better! What a day! I'm a better parent for this and hope to be the catalyst for others to understand. For this picture is the very reason...I keep searching...
Blessings!
~Yvonne
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