It's really funny............

...........how I continue to entertain myself by not knowing anything at all to write about when I come here to let my heart out. I sincerely go thru a thought process while typing and laughing at myself; "you don't have a subject even in mind, what the heck are you doing." "ohhh just shut it off and come back when you think of something worth wild to even talk about."

Well by the time I get to this area of writing I have usually figured out or my fingers just go on with whatever is going to come out, but not today I am at a duh??? moment; did going blonde really set me back this much. Did it really pull out any sense that was rolling around up there? Blonde, funny isn't it? I'm stuck!

I guess I'm still overloaded from the last posting........too many prayers that need to be said, too much research that needs to be done, the laundry isn't finished, the dishes still need to be done, dinner still needs to be partially prepared, but this is my only quite time when no one is here, the clothes still need to be put away from off the couch, I need to raise more money for a cure, we need to find a doctor that knows what the heck is going on, I need answers, I need to feel better, the bathroom needs cleaned, I need to go visit Grandma Lola, I need to get our business tax stuff done for Missouri, I need to work on the next NF event stuff, I still need to email stuff, I need to go get my drivers license changed, I need to take Holly to get her license, I need to go make my bed, I need to clean out the van and wash it, I need to deep clean Koda's room, I need to talk to the bill collectors that keep calling and work out a plan, I need to do some Christmas shopping, I need to get a job so I can buy Christmas, I need to just do everything right now cuz I have put it all off long enough.....

.....wow where did all that come from? Busy? Apparently I need to be doing stuff instead of thinking about what I need to do. Been there?..............lets not forget to stop, breathe, read, and have a moment in all the busi-ness of our lives and thank and reflect on God! Don't forget your family and yourself. You can't do all the above if you don't take 3 very important parts of life to heart: God, Family, and yourself (and I don't mean selfishness/pride). So today I'm going to just enjoy the day doing what I can get accomplished. It's really funny......................... being Blonde!

Overloaded...........

...........with ideas to write about today, but haven't decided on anything yet. I thought I would just start typing and see where the heart leads. Ok, subjects could include an obediant wife, a step-parents views, a hotel stay, a public family secret, disorders and diseases, uhhhmmmm there is so many but what is prevelant for today? I must say my eyes have been opened a little more today by one little phone call. See, God puts people in your path just for the very moment that you need it. I didn't realize I needed anything but a job; and then I get the phone call. This very phone call could enhance, destroy, save, enlighten, give strength or just improve a wonderful marriage and unity of the souls.

Step-parenting; I can't say I know anything about it as I have never been one. So why would I write about such a topic.....because I'm married to one, and have relations that are one, etc. Where do they actually fit into the picture, and when do they actually get the recognition that they deserve. Are they just a piece of the puzzle to always get played or the piece left put up and never seen. They are not in the deciding factor in the final decisions of things nomatter if they are the caregiver, insurance payor, the house supplier, the meal maker, the taxi driver, and the money giver.

Are my eyes really open to the possibility that "the" step-parent can see right thru the games that might be played; manipulation, lying, butterup, deception, sneakiness? I am not just talking about my personal family but even the ones that might very well be reading this. Does it really matter for the sp to say anything at all about a subject, when the actual parent always is blinded, gives in, and thinks its all ok? Why even ask them if we're only going to make the final choice in the matter and it be our opinion that is the solution.

I am forever not agreeing with my husband on the rules, discipline, etc for my daughter that lives with us....because I've already lost one daughter back to her dad. That's my thought; I didn't lose her nor did my husband have anything to do with that move. I have to blame somebody though, right? It can't be my fault.......of course, it could be that there was a teenager that thought grass was greener on the other side as well. It's possible it was just all part of the game........and then it could be that well; I can't go into the depths of someone else's choices. Ok no blaming anyone here, just a realization moment for me............this about me realizing that my husband really is pushed back. If some life or death situation was to happen to the kids; the sp wouldn't be calling any final shots in the norm. As an wife that is very much in love with my  husband; I really could've pushed him away by not sitting down and finding out the very reason each of us feel the way we do about such decisions that need to be made. Can we agree to take the time to listen to the logic then proclaim the answer with love?

He doesn't know I have even been enlightened today, about his position in our family. I don't want him left out, and I don't want to push him out eventually either. I also don't want him to punish incorrectly; uhhmmm let's see I guess I'm the judge and I know exactly the perfect punishment is for every situation. NOPE! I really need to listen; I guess sometimes his anger overrides my thinking that he can make a "loving, impactful action/decision". He can't do it right cuz he's mad, He can't do it right cuz he's not been a parent as long, He can't .........do anything if I don't let him share in all these experiences that parents/a marriage should share. Part of that is making mistakes, and standing by each other thru it all. My gosh, what have I done? I understand why he says "what's the point" now...........I know duh, right? Light-bulb should have went off then; but it didn't. Is it possible this is why so many marriages that include step kids don't work?

I know usually when there is step kids there is sometimes a missing biological parent missing from the whole picture do to drugs, alcohol, absenteeism, etc...........but I'm talking about where all parents are involved including step-parents on each side. Kids know right from wrong, and how to get their way; am I missing it by wearing rose colored glasses? I don't want to be too hard, and I don't want them to be unhappy cuz they might just leave............well EYES OPENED along with HEART! I am not playing anymore, my marriage has to last a lifetime; I am partners with my man by God's Grace. I will have this very talk with him this evening; and apologize to him and the world! I have been controlling, unsupportive, and most of all not the spouse anybody would want to step-parent with. It falls down to fear..........I feared something, so I tried to control it myself. I no longer fear.............if they happen to want to leave; grass may be greener, but if its not then that was their decision. Old enough to make choices then old enough to enjoy the consequences. Let's Enjoy Life .............Overloaded!

The Son Painting

A wealthy man and his son loved to collect rare works of art. They had everything in their collection, from Picasso to Raphael. They would often sit together and admire the great works of art.

When the Vietnam conflict broke out, the son went to war. He was very courageous and died in battle while rescuing another soldier. The father was notified and grieved deeply for his only son.

About a month later, just before Christmas, There was a knock at the door. A young man stood at the door with a large package in his hands.

He said, 'Sir, you don't know me, but I am the soldier for whom your son gave his life. He saved many lives that day, and he was carrying me to safety when a bullet struck him in the heart and he died instantly. He often talked about you, and your love for art.' The young man held out this package. 'I know this isn't much. I'm not really a great artist, but I think your son would have wanted you to have this.'

The father Opened the package. It was a portrait of his son, painted by the young man. He stared in awe at the way the soldier had captured the personality of his son in the painting. The father was so drawn to the eyes that his own eyes welled up with tears. He thanked the young man and offered to pay him for the picture.. 'Oh, no sir, I could never repay what your son did for me. It's a gift.'

The father hung the portrait over his mantle. Every time visitors came to his home he took them to see the portrait of his son before he showed them any of the other great works he had collected.

The man died a few months later... There was to be a great auction of his paintings. Many influential people gathered, excited over seeing the great paintings and having an opportunity to purchase one for their collection.

On the platform sat the painting of the son. The auctioneer pounded his gavel. 'We will start the bidding with this picture of the son. Who will bid for this picture?'

There was silence..

Then a voice in the back of the room shouted, 'We want to see the famous paintings. Skip this one.'

But the auctioneer persisted. 'Will somebody bid for this painting? Who will start the bidding? $100, $200?'

Another voice angrily.. 'We didn't come to see this painting. We came to see the Van Gogh's, the Rembrandts.. Get on with the

Real bids!'

But still the auctioneer continued. 'The son! The son! Who'll take the son?'

Finally, a voice came from the very back of the room. It was the longtime gardener of the man and his son. 'I'll give $10 for the painting...' Being a poor man, it was all he could afford.

'We have $10, who will bid $20?'

'Give it to him for $10. Let's see the masters.'

The crowd was becoming angry. They didn't want the picture of the son.

They wanted the more worthy investments for their collections.

The auctioneer pounded the gavel. 'Going once, twice, SOLD for $10!'

A man sitting on the second row shouted, 'Now let's get on with the collection!'

The auctioneer laid down his gavel. 'I'm sorry, the auction is over.'

'What about the paintings?'

'I am sorry. When I was called to conduct this auction, I was told of a secret stipulation in the will. I was not allowed to reveal that stipulation until this time. Only the painting of the son would be auctioned. Whoever bought that painting would inherit the entire estate, including the paintings.

The man who took the son gets everything!'

God gave His son 2,000 years ago to die on the cross. Much like the auctioneer, His message today is: 'The son, the son, who'll take the son?'

Because, you see, whoever takes the Son gets everything.

FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD HE GAVE HIS ONLY BEGOTTEN SON, WHO SO EVER BELIEVED, SHALL HAVE ETERNAL LIFE......THAT'S LOVE

Laughing............

my butt off! Ok, if you have ever had anything wrong with you to the point of testing by doctors then you have got to read the link to Marilyn's blog; ohhhhh my gosh, HILARIOUS! This woman of God can take the saddest, most frightening, suspicious, angry, and unknowing steps/diagnosis' thru life and just use plain ol' criticism, back talkin, sarcasm, etc to get everyone else thru and maybe even herself. I dare you to read her journey; she just started it so it's easy to catch up. I know you will love it and her by the time you are done! By the way this is my Aunt!...........the best medicine ever!
www.marilynssunflowers.blogspot.com

Difference........

Who is relying on you, counting on you and needs you to be there to show them, help them, support them and pull them up? Today, it's you that has the chance to impact, to encourage, to meet a need that you don't even know exists. Be the difference.

That's exactly what Dr. Tim is doing from Liberty, MO. He doesn't know us or Koda or even anyone with NF apparently, but is willing to endure the Antarctica Marathon to raise money for a cure for NF. The proceeds going to The Children's Tumor Foundation. Uhmmm time for self reflection I would think; what difference will we make today? You might just find your purpose in life..............

 

Unsure...........

back but still to busy it seems to keep up on a daily basis; but who knows.......for now though I'm just unsure. Its ok to be unsure knowing that where my final place is. I must say that I deal with the natural human feelings of unsureness though. Mainly why and what purpose will this serve? NF, cancer, etc all these things are an unknown for the people that have to live between the lines of it's diagnosis. It becomes easy to blame, find an excuse, or even a scapegoat than to just face the facts that we have an enemy that really is among us to destroy us. When these things happen though, if you step back and watch; you will see a healing that could've never taken place before had it not happened. A family brought back together after years of discord. A way for some to look at themselves and not judge anymore.
A new friend to make, just when you need a real one the most. Would I want my son to pay the price to bring a family back together; my selfishness says no.......but we all know he was only given to me for me to do my job; raise him to know the Lord on a personal level. But see, God did give up his only son to save all of us. See He was selfish in the fact He wanted us all. For those with no family, any sacrifice would be willing to enjoy just a moment in a family spirited atmosphere. There is a purpose behind the pain; though it was not caused it is still allowed so that the pain will give purpose to the much needed growth in each of us. I have to step back and wonder myself why I have become so close to this family member lately........why have our paths crossed; why do we need each other, and what is about to happen? I know I shouldn't but I still want an answer to why. She is not my blood, but she is becoming one of the closest people to my heart. She has had experiences, guilt, shame, victories, losses, thoughts, fights, anger, love, and most of determination. Where she gets it; who knows............she probably is in awe of herself. She wouldn't tell you that though. May we all step back and look a little deeper at the people God allows us to have in our lives. All have a purpose; to a beautiful tapestry that will be finished but it includes our pain. It's all part of it. I must say that I hope to find many years of connected heart strings, and get to share the present of life and victory with her. I know when we look each other in the eyes from now on; there is a deeper sense of strength, passion, serenity, love, wisdom, life, sunshine, memories, mountains of endurance, and most of all true friendship..........to the end. Why I'm writing the words I am, again I do not know. I type what my heart is delivering at the time. Sometimes it makes me cry.......how my feeling turn into clicks. My heart is my writing, and my writing is your gift from me for the day. Another day is always a gift to be thankful for; so I'm glad I can share it with you. I'm still unsure..............