Hell on Earth = boy + autism + hormones + life

Always a dirty face...but gosh how can we not love it!
He says he needs eye cream for the bags 😂😂😂
Who taught him such?

A major shift has happened in the stink, the growth, the new hair, the dirt, the attitude of a growing almost 13 year old boy. Our guts are telling us that just because labs say we're normal something else is going on, and in the days ahead with Easter coming there's a stirring in the Spiritual realm for people; hell on earth is real for some. So let's talk about something positive...

Pull up a chair, grab a drink, and hang on with me here. I'm beyond estastic that I have been able to conquer the winter blues like never before. I have not officially been diagnosed with SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), but I can tell you that the winter months for years pretty much put me out of commission. I found my daily routine to include some major napping time and so lethargic I never got anything truly accomplished. I lost interest in most things, even my family. I had tried all the therapies, and even some medications at one point. I'm just not meant for meds. January 2017 was my worst month ever, and to the point that I actually was strategically planning out my end days. Am I proud of that, no...I just want to give someone hope today. That isn't what I truly wanted, but in the moment it was because there just wasn't another way out. I was done. I was tired. I cried daily for Jesus to come back. Some say this is selfish...ok, maybe it is, but I couldn't help it in the moment. Don't say I didn't really trust God/Jesus/Holy Spirit either, you can just click off this blog now if that's your response...this isn't for you, nor can you understand it. The darkness overtakes without my control. I didn't know what to do with it, much less having the energy to take it on.

So, what happened this year that has been different from all the years prior? I found tools, and I've now got a toolbox that stays close. Those tools are people who give a damn, aromas that change my mood instantly, a written out journal, notes to myself from God, supplements I was deficient in, and the love of God that I now believe what He said is true for me. I just don't believe in Him like He's some thing in a far away galaxy bossing me around, but a true friend who accompanies me every single moment I allow & He's there when I don't. Thank you God for showing up through a friend, and that bottle of sweet bergamot that saved me that final day of making plans. Mental Health has gone frantic in the world these days, and I'll be the first to tell you that most of it falls in the diet we eat. No I have no products to save, treat, cure, or even suggest to help...I do have my journey of hope though that through it there is light at the end of the tunnel. There's somebody who understands, and you are not alone...I'm here if you have no one else. Feel free to send me a friend request, follow me on FB & IG @releaseandbelieve. I hope every single day through me surviving that I can make a smile appear on just one face. That's all I care about...releasing the need to be significant to many to be only approved by the One who matters & holds my life in His hands. My value comes no more from the number of followers or comments on a social media platform. My career no longer is valued by how many people I see, but that one is changed forever; the rest I trust in my God to provide. He's done so much more than that.

I never once thought what all is coming into fruition was even a possibility, and to be honest; I'm still wondering if I want it. Doing it scared, doing it because it keeps falling before me, doing it because until the door closes I'm going to examine all the opportunities placed before me. If it's not meant for me, the door will close; it always has. I'll be blogging as time goes on about this business adventure as well. If you've read my past posts...you know this is the year to be courageous & Mount UP! (as Eagles Wings I'll soar & in those wings I take refuge in my God).

Ok, back to the original reasoning of this post...I need help with this growing boy. I can handle all things girly and that hot mess of seasonal dramatic hormones, boys, make-up, and alike. Boys tho...I just don't have it. Stinky, puberty drama, and the necessity to hold the privates in public is about to put me over the edge. Maybe this is why I did make it through the winter because this...this stage would've been the straw that broke the camel's back. Ok, I get it...boys...but you all know we don't have a typical boy...let's throw some special needs and autism in the mix. Anybody...any momma out there that has already been through this, I'd appreciate a comment, reach out & suggest, let me hear your advice. I want to strangle him. Thank God again for His Word that is putting me through a study of how children are the Apple of God's eye, and how I should look upon them. Eyes roll and face palms happen more often than I care to admit. A major shift has happened, school started calling again with behaviors that just aren't like him to conduct...something is out of whack. When things go out like that for weeks, not just a disruption in schedule or overstimulation in a store...I start looking at his gut health. We observe poop. Yep, Call me Poop Master...because I'm telling you the truth of health shows in poop. The shape, the size, the consistency, the timing, how often, the color...are you grossed out yet? Well, without further descriptions of why I know a major shift has happened; we'll just say there's been a shift in poop.


We're changing our eating habits again. Welcome AIP (Auto-Immune Protocol)...I didn't know the impact of nightshades. I'm sad to some level that my garden will be way different this year, and I'm sure going to miss those tomatoes, less fruit, and thankful grass fed beef is included. We're 4 days in...and it's not making me cranky like I thought it might. The first 3 days usually are torture when you change a diet that significantly impacts immediately, and if one is emotionally attached to certain foods, etc. We'll see, and I'll keep you posted. Another reason we chose this avenue...is me. I'm having some major inflammation issues that are causing problems. We'll be doing a full digest & cleanse next month along with a parasite cleanse just for rule of thumb. My labs say that my inflammation markers are down, but my body is not agreeing. I've learned to trust my body over the conventional medicine protocol. I've become very aware of what is happening in my body since using AFT (Aroma Freedom Technique) in my practice. I can feel when emotions settle in places they don't belong (because they should be processed immediately and released)...it's weird to be so aware; aware of my digestion process, aware of my circulation, aware of muscle tension, and too much stress.

We're in full swing with Spring Break here, and daddy is taking off work for some vacation time. We have decided to stay within driving range (staycation), but far enough to try new waters for our fishing poles. Did you know the state of Kansas finally changed their licenses to be good 1 year from the date of purchase instead of the calendar year...YIPPEE!! We're all excited about that.

We also have been trying new therapies with the kiddo over spring break...self directed therapies; meaning we allow him to use his imagination & we go with it...it's amazing what we are learning through this. His sleep has never been better (so that's not a side affect to anything going on in the daytime), and we're excited to see where this newest journey takes us with him. I'm always looking for the best for him... without losing out time on who he is in the moment. It took a long time for me to take my eyes of all the researching to "fix" it, and instead enjoy learning him in the moment. God made this clear to me in Mark 10:14-16 recently, and I'll never look at my son the same again. That innocence that is in him is a place many of us, especially me, has never known or definitely has lost along the way. K teaches me so much about truth, trust and transformation. Until next time...thank you for reading & enduring our journey with us in spirit. He made some light spinning bubbles as one of the therapy sessions...see them here.

If you know a momma with special needs and the teenager life of boys please tag her, send her my way, share so I can find comfort in others, hope for our future, and just being known...you are greatly appreciated already for the help.

Hard Loves...Release & Believe there is more for you to come.

Seeing through the trees

Just a typical day, sitting on the back door steps, hot sweet Italian coffee warms my hands and the morning October cool breeze upon my face. I'm unloading the thoughts of the past several months since we were ever so blessed with this rental home. As the days get closer to the end of the year, some anxiety builds in regards to signing the closing docs on our new kottage (spelling on purpose) I call it. Am I just so desperate that I'll take anything to be a homeowner, is this a mistake, blah blah blah. It's not, the blessings and provisions of God have been all over this place since the first walk through to rent it.

We have trees that line up along the privacy fence that separate us from the field behind our house. The trees have been full all summer, and autumn has arrived causing one of the trees in the middle to lose most of its' leaves already. When this happens, it means we loose many hours of daylight. I'm personally impacted by SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), so my time with the sun has been depleting daily. I can already feel the suction of the gloom that seems to be alive and hungry; ready to suck me fully in. This year I cannot allow that to happen, so I've been blessed by God's provision, grace, and mercy to have had lots of friends/family visit me, a new hobby of painting/antiquing, a new organic business that lines up with our dietary lifestyle (I'd love it if you would "like" my FB page). I'm also being proactive by setting up a life group to start in my home for women to connect, encourage, support and pray for each other while studying the bible together.

Back to the trees! If you have followed my journey at all...this ties back to the "take my own path" in the Journey of significance blog. So Anyway, the other evening I was sitting in this same spot realizing I had never seen this particular view before from this location anyway. The leaves are falling off the one particular tree in the middle...and I was like, ohhh look at that beautiful sunset. I felt as if God himself had reached down from Heaven and embraced me with His arm around me pointing with the other hand, saying "see, even though there is a season in which things look dead and dreary...I've got something new and beautiful for you to see. Look thru the yuck and see my glory just for you!" I felt he also confirmed that I heard Him back in June to make my own path, proclaim it as mine, and live it fully.

I believe this moment right now He has confirmed my steps, I am exactly where I am supposed to be, and as more leaves fall off...I will see even more that he has for me. See the full trees give shelter, protection, oxygen, and beauty all in themselves, but there comes a time for them to rest so they can be fruitful in the season in which they were created to be fruitful. If they were always full, we'd miss out on all the other we are to see. I know these words are also speaking right directly to someone and this too is confirmation for you; you are going to be ok, there is more out there for you, and He's got you! I love Him so!! Some will read this and think...I don't get it, that's okay too. It may not be for you right now or ever. But if it is, please let me know as these days do bring a shadow of gloom that can talk negatively in a whisper that says...I don't have anything to say that anyone needs. Thank you for the ones whom keep on following my journey, encourage me, and most of all check in on me when I'm silent (we all know something is wrong if I am). :)

So another confirmation came across my FB newsfeed today and I want to share that with you. A door that has a tree with few leaves...I'm walking through!! I believe there really is something on the other side very much above what I can comprehend or believe; and it's going to be mesmerizing! So let me leave you with this...you've got your own beautiful journey...have faith He'll take you to the most beautiful places to see the most extravagant things, and it might mean going through a season of gloomy, dead looking, life all around...but your heart will be full.