Might as well laugh about it...

...yep, we just moved here within the last 6 months, and now we're facing moving again. You can read about that crazy rollercoaster 30 day journey here titled "Day 1: If you don't move...God will move you." So the story this time goes like this; when we found this house for rent, it actually was listed for sale/or rent. The rent was cheap $600 a month compared to what we had been paying along with being a bigger house (5 bed/2 bath), and it had a big shop/garage (enough for 4 cars). It really ended up having all these minor things as well that we loved. We told the landlord we'd be willing to look at purchasing it in the future, but for now we needed to rent. We signed a 6 month lease with the thoughts of a contract for deed to be signed afterwards. Also, the neighborhood was full of kids always outside; which was something our Koda had never experienced and needed.

Well it even got better than that, the landlords came to us with the contract info I had requested, so we could know ahead of time the amount down and details within. We were in tears after that meeting, they had removed the realtor from the property/contract. They decided we wouldn't put anything down, and they would carry the mortgage in its' entirety. They had already picked the percentage of interest and attached an amortization that included only increasing our rent by $2 a month, and paying it off in 9.5 years. They are not expecting us to find a lender within a certain amount of time like most contract for deeds can include. Our mouths dropped to the floor...did yours? This is exactly how God works in our life over and over! But not only that, they are fixing everything that "needs" to be fixed like a roof issue (no leaks, just shingles), the sidewalk needs to be completely pulled out and redone, the porch roof needs replaced, and replace all the old water piping to pvc. This is all written out in the contract. We just knew this was our confirmation it was now time to settle, make our home, and find the security in that we had long been awaiting.

Since then, we've had to file bankruptcy. We have incurred the debt, so we will be paying $1000 a month for the next 5 years for that, but in all truth; I don't feel guilty about that anymore just sad we had to. I use to feel like "bankruptcy" was such a "bad" word. It still doesn't feel good to write it down either. Bankruptcy doesn't declare who we are or change the significance of our lives like some may judge or think. On top of that we've had the newest journey of our son's tumor eating through his skull (read here)..., and we're thanking God that it has not went malignant. Again, like I posted in the results of the PET scan; our journey is really just beginning with all that...we've got a road ahead of us that looks very crooked and honestly many parts of it we don't see. We really do trust God with all of it. So this next week...we start making the trips to surgeons, specialists, etc.

So when we filed bankruptcy we were upfront about wanting to buy this house. The attorney himself didn't see a problem but told us to make sure to submit the documentation/contract for court trustee approval. Again when we went to the meeting of creditors, we met up with another attorney from the office to face the trustee; at this time, we brought up again the contract and desire to buy this house. She (attorney) said, don't worry about it now...submit it after the final hearing in Nov...so I held on to it. I submitted it as requested via email about a week and a half ago.

Late yesterday afternoon, I got the most disheartening email from a paralegal. The email stated our paralegal was no longer with the company. If we had any questions or concerns we could email the general email address. She also included that if we wanted to ask for approval we would have to submit a motion to borrow. The fee for this is $450.00 and must be paid upfront to file. Then continues to say that if we would like to discuss any of this with our attorney, at the time of scheduling an appt. there would be a $125 fee to do so. Grrrrr!! Never in any of the previous convo's was there fees mentioned.

The landlord is expecting us to sign the contract on Jan 1st. 6 weeks away...and I get this email. We're very concerned at this point and questioning a lot of things at the moment. Are we not where we're suppose to be? Is there something going to happen with Koda that will make us need to be elsewhere? Why did this work out so nicely up until now? We just moved, really? I unpacked everything! ????? I also asked God, what instead of why? The landlord has already been so generous and actually way over what I could have imagined happening for us; so they want an approval from the trustee as well for us to sign. Makes sense...they've got to protect they're investment.

So my question is do we pack up now before (we've moved in much quicker time than 6 weeks before) all this gets going with Koda or do we wait it out? I've put in a call to the landlord so they'll know what's up. We don't expect them to do anymore than they've already done, and they need to sell their house. So with great concern I wonder tonight...what the next 6 weeks is going to entail. Let me be very honest here...I fully trust God to take care of us and know He will. I am concerned of the overwhelming journey we might have to face. Packing, surgery, looking for another house, deposits, moving, chemo, Koda's well being after being told we can't stay if that happens...yes all IF's...but I'm human and I think a lot.

I have to say that after posting a blurb of this on FB, I'm frustrated with comments. People really don't know what they're saying...good thing I know they mean well; but it definitely is a thorn in my side. Just like when someone loses a loved one...please, stop saying heaven needed another angel, God has a plan, a purpose, etc. For me personally, I know He does...but saying that is very discounting to someone's true raw emotions in the moment; it is NOT helpful. In those moments, I'm thinking I know this...my head knows this, my heart knows it as well. I'm sitting here with a kid that has part of his skull missing, a tumor that has not been able to be touched/removed because it's so risky; he might die if it was attempted. We live on scarcity in the natural realm of things because my husband (bless his hard working ever so dedicated heart) is the only consistent provider for our family...so I can be available for this ever changing condition of our child. Don't question my faith or ask me to remember...I KNOW! I don't like this journey at all though I know we'll see the blessing of it; we already have: our son's character, personality, life, and faith.

So, $450 isn't much really but it's a whole lot to us; more than we have right now in this moment or could even think of getting (our son's appts, traveling, lodging, boarding of dogs, eating etc at this time are where our finances are going along with paying the bills)...this isn't a call for help; this is a blog of real raw emotions. This isn't a manipulation to get help either; see...God does over and beyond what I can imagine every single time...so I'm waiting on Him to direct us. He will! I'm just concerned that His way for us isn't our way right now. This might not be were we thought was home, and with everything going on...I might as well laugh! He probably has heavenly laughing fits just watching me have my fits.

Sidenote: For me (because my husband can't get OT pay or work OT...he works enough) to make enough $$ to help pay this $450 fee...I need to sell some more products. If you haven't already been a part of my Facebook page then like/follow @rentschlerswildtree or shop my website. Ask me about workshop bundles to fill your freezer! This is a win win...you get simple, healthy, natural groceries you'd already be buying and be helping us out too. 

Thank you for reading, thank you for allowing me to live in my raw, disgusted, frustrated, sad, mad, and sick sense of humor about it all...embrace joy in your life because if you can't do anything about it; then might as well...laugh. "Proverbs 31:25...She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come."

Day 13...God will move you! (The best chaotic story yet)

Here we are at day 13...and we have a home! We signed the lease with the option to buy in 6 months today and will be moving to Wellington, KS this Friday.  God provided and let me tell you all about it.

First off let me tell you this house that we're leaving has meant a lot with symbols that only relate to our personal story, but one thing was our house # here was 555 which is our son's birthday #'s. The new house is 1306 which is my birthday numbers...and here we are on the 13th day. Just some cool stuff that means nothing else but are little coincidences that make us smile. We definitely know we were supposed to be here at least up until now if for nothing more than all that our son received in services, etc.

We got the official notice to vacate in the mail today stating that July's rent was still expected though on the phone last week, the landlord called to tell me if we moved out early they would gladly prorate/refund the rent that we didn't use. HA! I'm sorry, but we've planned to be out of here on July 1st from the beginning because we didn't have the funds to pay rent here, pay deposit for the new plus rent. In reality we didn't have the first month's rent even when we signed the lease today, but they are letting us move in anyway and waiting until the next pay period for that. How awesome is that!! Also please know that this new house is up for sale, so they are putting it on a pending status with the realtor for the 6 months until we confirm whether we want it or not. How nice!! God's mercy is fabulous! No showings while we rent, and no possibility of us being kicked out again. To be honest she had a cash buyer offer to buy it yesterday, but since she already told us we could sign the lease today; she refused to sell it due to our circumstances. Amazing...I don't know that I would've done that in her situation.

Taken from Facebook and want to give credit but can't find the page again, sorry!

One hour after signing the new lease...seriously I get a call from the current landlord asking if we'd like to go ahead and stay! What the hell?! Seriously?!? Yes, they're willing to move into the other property they offered us because they got a special transportation allowance to keep their kids in the district while they build their new house. I'm sorry but I've never felt boiling in my body like I did at that minute. See they offered us to move into their other rental property for $150 more a month (see that story here, its a whopper too) when they told us we had to move 13 days ago. No! We declined because we can't afford to pay that much for rent, and it would move us out of the school district so we decided to look elsewhere. God, what are you doing? Did we jump ahead too soon not trusting you? Did we do exactly what we were supposed to? I asked all these questions, and honestly I'm still asking.

The hubby had to remind me why we're not staying...they wouldn't fix what needed to be done. For example the bathroom linoleum started cracking from the 2 leaks that happened. They fixed the leak but never fixed the floor. When we needed a new toilet, they put in a new toilet right over the cracked floor. I tried to hide and protect it as much as possible with a rug, but really; why would someone allow that? It's not going to repair itself and it's sure not going to keep from getting worse. I wouldn't doubt it now that there is mold in the walls of the bathroom as they never pulled the walls back to fix the leaks, but did something from the outside where the faucet hooks in. There were leaks in the hallway from the drainage and they just wanted us to dry the carpet, never pulling it up to replace or clean it. Ugh! Ok, I remember now. Now I'll give them credit otherwise as they never bothered us.

Here's the other provisions:
1. New house comes with 5 bedrooms/2 bath (no more sharing w/ the kid), huge shop/garage (hubby gets his man cave), we backed up to a small lake (ohh heck yeah, FISHING), it has a basement (the kid no longer scared of dangerous weather), it has a reverse osmosis system (yay for everyone!), and it's $250 cheaper a month...HALLELUJAH!! Now mind you I'm not trying to make this house glamorous because it's not; it's a fixer upper but nothing we can't live in while deciding if we'll buy. We would no where close to be being homeowners if we stayed at the current location. It's a beautiful thought.

 I'm just going to laugh now at my future...it's all in His hands as it's always been!! So day 13 God has provided and it's not over yet...I'm going out the entire 30 because I believe there is more to reveal. We're embracing joy as we take these steps into our unknown future/path.

~ Blessings!

Simply LOLA

Day 5 & 6: God will move you...(Warning: bipolar post)

Can this all really happen in a few hours? Two days fly by as one. Drama that I'm so not, but that seems to have overtaken my home lately; as if it has become our last name. Be gone with ya! The circus is now closed for maintenance and caring for those who live, preform, and manage such!!

Here we are in the evening of the 6th day...and I have literally lost all concept of what happened before the horrific event last night that landed my husband in the ER and our dogs to be taken from our home. While embracing myself with the ability to grieve giant tears of sorrow, I am thankful for the provision that no one was hurt any worse than they were. I thought I would be able to write this morning, but the encompassing darkness overwhelmed me.

We had to say goodbye to our rescue dog, Zoey for good today. She had been through so much already.

By the time she was 6 months old she had her ears removed inhumanely down to the skull, she had been chemically burned on her back, and she was a bait dog for fights. She was an attention hound and obeyed ever so humbly. But last night; she exploded/snapped...she went after her best friend our other rescue dog Ozzy. Her profound pit-bull jaws locked and aggressively wouldn't seize. The fight was on in our living room with blood slung, teeth puncturing, and became profoundly deaf to our voices. I won't go into the horrific details that followed, but we can't have such destruction and incontrollable outrages within the walls of safety we call home.

I'm sick, I've been curled up most of the day in tangled thoughts of anything and everything else that could've been done to keep this precious creature at peace. Recounting every single visual and audible thing that happened makes for a worn out soul. My eyes are dried out from all the emotion that flowed through them today. I can't explain with words the torment within my stomach and the knots within my heart that will forever be because of this event. It was truly dramatic and traumatic enough that it triggered my personal past abuse.

I'm praying they don't put her down and their assessments she'll pass with flying colors so that she may yet again show the love to another without any additional pets or children. I want to say...I'm done with pets! I don't want my heart to ever break like this again. She drove me absolutely crazy with her loud anxiety driven licking...I'm trying to remind myself why it's okay for her to be gone. That doesn't work, when she so obediently and joyfully got into that patrol car with tail wagging with excitement to go for a ride. Ugh! Baby girl, I'm so sorry! My face swells and puckers that ugly cry face so pitiful to think that she was so miserable and angry in the moment to do such a thing. What kind of flashback did she have?

We are all seeing actions such as this daily on the local news, social media feeds, and magazine cover. Humans doing this more and more to ourselves in America for sure. There's all the hate, last minute blow ups that are driving people over the edge and killing another. God help us! I do know that dogs are a creative beast of the wild but ever so loyal with diligence to their owners unless they've been warped by abuse. So it be with us humans...hurt people hurt people. PTSD and depression can see these types of outcomes as well; so my heart goes out tonight to those suffering in the darkness, scared of losing control, and feeling as if they are alone; even though many times there's lots of people around that care ever so much for them. You are loved. 

Now for some good news and a total twist on emotion; this is a bipolar blog post. Happy Anniversary today to the man that never gave up on wanting to be with me as a child. Today we celebrate marriage and a fun one at that. He is my safe place and serenity to dwell in an ever changing fast paced world. Our best laughs in life so far have been at each other. He can make me pee my pants quicker than anyone I know, and after childbirth that isn't so hard anymore. My stomach cramps, my jaws lock and then I snort in laughter. 

Guess what? He grosses me out too with his green gas that explodes a room, hanging on like the morning fog, and damaging the senses like agent orange...which makes my face fire red when done on purpose in my presence. Does he care? Heck no, he laughs uncontrollably himself waiting for my grossed out facial expressions. He lives for them I think. There is no queen treated any better tho than he treats me. I am loved without a shadow of doubt. I'm so sorry he got hurt during the dog fight above, but he was doing what he does best; protecting his family. This man cherishes us and loves us hard. God's provision yet again; we are safe in the hands of His creation; my husband. Now lets get our circus back in order...the monkeys need to get back to doing what they do best; entertain the world with raw love. 

~Simply LOLA