Day 5 & 6: God will move you...(Warning: bipolar post)

Can this all really happen in a few hours? Two days fly by as one. Drama that I'm so not, but that seems to have overtaken my home lately; as if it has become our last name. Be gone with ya! The circus is now closed for maintenance and caring for those who live, preform, and manage such!!

Here we are in the evening of the 6th day...and I have literally lost all concept of what happened before the horrific event last night that landed my husband in the ER and our dogs to be taken from our home. While embracing myself with the ability to grieve giant tears of sorrow, I am thankful for the provision that no one was hurt any worse than they were. I thought I would be able to write this morning, but the encompassing darkness overwhelmed me.

We had to say goodbye to our rescue dog, Zoey for good today. She had been through so much already.

By the time she was 6 months old she had her ears removed inhumanely down to the skull, she had been chemically burned on her back, and she was a bait dog for fights. She was an attention hound and obeyed ever so humbly. But last night; she exploded/snapped...she went after her best friend our other rescue dog Ozzy. Her profound pit-bull jaws locked and aggressively wouldn't seize. The fight was on in our living room with blood slung, teeth puncturing, and became profoundly deaf to our voices. I won't go into the horrific details that followed, but we can't have such destruction and incontrollable outrages within the walls of safety we call home.

I'm sick, I've been curled up most of the day in tangled thoughts of anything and everything else that could've been done to keep this precious creature at peace. Recounting every single visual and audible thing that happened makes for a worn out soul. My eyes are dried out from all the emotion that flowed through them today. I can't explain with words the torment within my stomach and the knots within my heart that will forever be because of this event. It was truly dramatic and traumatic enough that it triggered my personal past abuse.

I'm praying they don't put her down and their assessments she'll pass with flying colors so that she may yet again show the love to another without any additional pets or children. I want to say...I'm done with pets! I don't want my heart to ever break like this again. She drove me absolutely crazy with her loud anxiety driven licking...I'm trying to remind myself why it's okay for her to be gone. That doesn't work, when she so obediently and joyfully got into that patrol car with tail wagging with excitement to go for a ride. Ugh! Baby girl, I'm so sorry! My face swells and puckers that ugly cry face so pitiful to think that she was so miserable and angry in the moment to do such a thing. What kind of flashback did she have?

We are all seeing actions such as this daily on the local news, social media feeds, and magazine cover. Humans doing this more and more to ourselves in America for sure. There's all the hate, last minute blow ups that are driving people over the edge and killing another. God help us! I do know that dogs are a creative beast of the wild but ever so loyal with diligence to their owners unless they've been warped by abuse. So it be with us humans...hurt people hurt people. PTSD and depression can see these types of outcomes as well; so my heart goes out tonight to those suffering in the darkness, scared of losing control, and feeling as if they are alone; even though many times there's lots of people around that care ever so much for them. You are loved. 

Now for some good news and a total twist on emotion; this is a bipolar blog post. Happy Anniversary today to the man that never gave up on wanting to be with me as a child. Today we celebrate marriage and a fun one at that. He is my safe place and serenity to dwell in an ever changing fast paced world. Our best laughs in life so far have been at each other. He can make me pee my pants quicker than anyone I know, and after childbirth that isn't so hard anymore. My stomach cramps, my jaws lock and then I snort in laughter. 

Guess what? He grosses me out too with his green gas that explodes a room, hanging on like the morning fog, and damaging the senses like agent orange...which makes my face fire red when done on purpose in my presence. Does he care? Heck no, he laughs uncontrollably himself waiting for my grossed out facial expressions. He lives for them I think. There is no queen treated any better tho than he treats me. I am loved without a shadow of doubt. I'm so sorry he got hurt during the dog fight above, but he was doing what he does best; protecting his family. This man cherishes us and loves us hard. God's provision yet again; we are safe in the hands of His creation; my husband. Now lets get our circus back in order...the monkeys need to get back to doing what they do best; entertain the world with raw love. 

~Simply LOLA