Monsters taking lives but God turning it around for the Good!

It still doesn't make it fair. I have read stories after stories these past couple of weeks of precious lil' kids of hero adults that loose their battles with cancer, disorders, diseases, etc. I don't like it at all, but God has a purpose. So many of these funerals end up with people giving their lives over to the Lord, what a witness & miracle within itself. God gave his only son and I have 3 children and don't want to give any! All for me and you (my readers)! Yep, for us to find the true happiness and peace so that we can truly enjoy life with assurance of a better future.

I hate cancer, neurofibromatosis, and anything to do with kids dieing over something they have no control over. Tooo young, but so precious and pure......and we are to have the faith just as they do. It doesn't stop the pain though, it hurts and it hurts bad. Tears not of joy but pure deep sorrow. I never want to be in the position of any of these parents, but at the same time have realized that it is my reality. It really could happen, but I refuse to let it overtake my life; and that's why I write. It's my way of praying as well.

Koda's MRI scan came back clean with no tumors on the spine, but because we have no local NF educated specialist; they didn't realize it was a dermal tumor. We just got back from St. Louis, thanks to the NF clinic @ Cardinal Gleenon Children's Hospital, and they immediately knew just by looking and feeling. We got pretty good news and at least some things are starting to happen. I can't just sit and watch like our pediatrician recommended until something happens. I want to do something to help decrease or stop the growth of this tumor that could eventually really deform, constrict vital organs, or even take him. No, sorry can't just wait. No one referred us to St. Louis, I just knew from others that their was an awesome NF clinic, actually 2 clinics there; so I was bound and determined to find my son some additional options. What any mother would do, right?

I have such big hopes and dreams for my kids, but they are only here for me to take care of and are not really mine, but the Lord's. He made them, and I'm responsible to take care of them. I heard a bit of some exciting news from my youngest girl........she's home sick, uhmmmm and wants to come back home. Yea!!!!!!!! I won't get my hopes up just yet, she is a teenage girl; and definitely has the potential to change her mind. Makes for a happy momma though to know that I apparently wasn't so bad that she's willing to come back to live with me. No one knows, and please don't post anything about this on FB, MySpace, or anywhere else........she hasn't decided yet, her dad doesn't know and I don't want anything to happen to cause any problems for her.

Boy, it's been a long while, but I so needed to let my hands fly. After living most of my life using sign language due to my mom being deaf.......then losing her in a horrible traffic accident when pregnant w/ Koda.....my hands just fly when typing. I really write down way to much before I think. Venting.......better this way than a fight w/ someone or something. God has chosen me to have a child w/ cerebral palsy, one with neurofibromatosis, and one exact copy of me......purpose? Not sure, but I do know that the one that is an exact copy was a way to pay me back for all I had done. I so gave my granny an apology for all that she had to put up with. I have fabulous kids, and am very blessed to be their mom. Thank you Lord for such an opportunity to get to know these kids to the heart, and also allowing their issues to lead me to new friends, gained hope, and a driven purpose! I appreciate everyone who has stayed connected, concerned, and most of all faithful in prayers. Life could be so much worse, and I thank God it's not! Until next time, hope all is well with you and yours! May you be under the showers of blessings! Hugs!

It's been awhile.....

It's been awhile.....since I've blogged. Talk about busy, gosh between moving, Koda's MRI's and dr. appts., living w/ family till we moved, looking for a place, Rick's promotion to days and lead mechanic for the shop, the NF walk coming up on Sat., plans for my birthday, cleaning, doing the daily duties of life........I'm wore out! Heading to the hospital today for another MRI on Koda's new growth on his spine, and praying it's "nothing". Twitter, Facebook, Freecycle, Craigslist has kept me busy as well. So when things settle down a bit, I'll be back fulltime. It's a pouring rain storm here today, really would rather take a nap, lol. Happy Blogging! Have a blessed day!