The impossible...

has happened! The journey of 2016 has not been all I would wish for our lives, but good things definitely happened. I promise great news is at the end of this post, but let me reflect on what really went on; so that I may never forget what God has brought us through. The end of the year pushed me over the edge, and so I took a break from social media for the last week of the year to replenish. At first I thought that week went way too fast, but in another way I was wishing it to be over. We all lost a lot of people, pets, and things this last year. I realized in this time to myself that "Replenish" should be on the daily calendar, not to be utilized when someone has already been depleted to even enjoy such a time. What should be of a help today is taking weeks maybe months to recover.

So as I looked over the photos that have been uploaded this last year...I had a moment that touched my heart like no other; we really did have a good year. Let me share some of those great times in 2016.

1. Koda graduated all therapies
2. I got to meet and become friends with some fabulous people during my time working at Heartspring.
3. We traveled many states, had a great time finally meeting our "NF twin" family whom let us crash at their place while on the journey to our daughter and her husband's home in Ft. Bragg, North Carolina.
4. I got to see my first lighthouse while visiting my daughter. We got to swim in the Atlantic Ocean, and visit several military/veteran events/parks.
5. Koda got his FM receivers for the Auditory Processing Disorder...wow, what a difference.
6. Got to go to a bridal expo with our youngest daughter whom is getting married in May. Being involved in the wedding planning is so fun.
7. Went to Branson, MO for a vacation where we went to see Moses at the Light & Sound Theatre and have dinner with the going to be our youngest daughter's in-laws. Koda got to experience go-cart racing with dad against soon to be brother in law, Sam. That was fun!
8. Hubby surprised me with a birthday gift I'll never forget while in Branson...my first helicopter ride. That while so scary was so positively life changing for me in regards to facing fears.
9. We had to move...and while that was horrid while in the moments of it; God came thru. I've blogged that 30 day journey "when God moves you".
10. Koda has got to experience having neighborhood kids to play with.
11. We had several visits from the girls. Now that is when my heart is full.
12. My husband has had full time work plus overtime to support our family while it has been clear at least for now; I'll continue to work from home.
13. Koda has got to experience suiting up and being placed in an actual go-kart. Dang short legs kept him from experiencing driving the actual kart on the track.
14. Koda also has developed and enjoyed his first experience of bowling in a league.
15. We had a roller coaster of a year with learning a new eating lifestyle of all organic, no-gmo's, grassfed, cage free, free range, clean, juicing, fresh, straight from the farm buying and garden growing food. So thankful for a job that I can work from home, that supplies us with seasonal blends, receipes, oils to have easy meals at home every single day. I love Wildtree!!

I'm sure I've left many more out, but the greatest of these are the love and support of friends, family, acquaintances, and even strangers through our most difficult of times. Thank you to each and every single one of you who make life easier to endure when seasons can be so trying, unbearable, and down right mean. May 2017 bring health, love, happiness, provisions, favor, peace and daily moments to replenish. Love you!!

So....God has done yet again what seemed impossible! We got the approval from the bankruptcy court trustee to purchase the house! We got the house!!!! Happy New Year!

I want off this ride...

...as much as I love rollercoaster rides especially the twists, turns, flip upside downs, and speed; this ride I want completely off. I don't like any of it, as it is literally making me sick to my stomach to the point of needing the trash can. I'm ready for the ride to stop but apparently it has no breaks, no leveling command, where the heck is the end where we slow down and are on a more level equilibrium? This has been running only for the month of November, and we're not done with the month nor are we done with doctor appointments which means there's even more information to process. I'm trying very hard to be the little train that could...I'll not lie, it's hard as hell right now.

If it wasn't for the enduring friends/family in which have embraced us during this time in prayer, text, cards, calls, and just loving on us; I couldn't do it. One sweet friend said something very true to me right before we got so many tests/results, "for you 6 weeks has proven to be an eternity". So much happens in 6 weeks for us...so I'm believing in a "rest period of confidence in a plan" to be coming real soon.

If it were just one thing...it would be more than enough. We've got the stuff going on with the house (which I'll update that at the end of this), we did the CT scan, we did the PET, and last week we had the MRI and Neuro/Plastic surgeon appointments. Here's my update on FB regarding the Neuro/Plastic appt:

"Here's just a summary, this is not a definite plan because we have not taken all the information to the NF specialist's in St. Louis. If it was up to the neuro and plastic surgeon's: we will be having surgery to fix the skull (the material in which they want to use we are not happy with...thankfully there's other options). Here's the negative...they cannot fix the skull without removing some of the tumor (up until now; it has been highly suggested not to touch it surgically and many have refused to because they grow back and the risk of location). They promise they will be no where near the carotid (in which this tumor engulfs and deviates). This type of tumor also will most likely have a lot of bleeding...so 2 hour minimum, but depending on the amount of blood could be up to 4 hours. They suspect he will have to have a blood transfusion if not a massive transfusion. I'm sick to my stomach writing this. This tumor has entwined itself into the skin, so this means there will be a removal of skin/hair and a skin graft done...so no more hair, etc on that part of the head. :( We had the good news that only a minute tumor tendon has actually grown into the brain. The brain is significantly protruding out of the hole, as we even have seen more fullness in the last 24 hours. There's other details on the written reports I picked up today and read as we drove home that has us very concerned; but because we have not yet talked to the oncologist about the MRI results from yesterday, I will not go into detail regarding that. I've not heard from her today, tho having left a message and email....I'm assuming I'll not hear until Friday. So until I can explain more; please have the best Thanksgiving day you can. Thank you all so much for following, praying, supporting, and loving us. I'm going to enjoy my family and be ever so thankful that I have a family present & to enjoy. Thanksgiving has a little different but deeper meaning this year outside turkey, parades, games, drinks, and pies. #nfsucks #iknowafighter #endnf"

So...the MRI results; stable, lol. there are many inconclusive things that have been told to me today by our oncologist that must be cleared up through the radiologist. She promises to call tomorrow with that info as she's on vacation until then. She emailed me on Thanksgiving with some of the "stable news" which I find to be awesome to have that kind of bedside manners and care for her patients.

Here we go...He now has a total of 9 lesions on the brain, 2 of which are new (located at the left and right midbrain), and 2 that have grown significantly bigger (these are located at the left superior quadrigeminal plate and left posterior globus pallidus), there is a "disappearance of flow" in one of the draining vessels (on the actual report it says: roughly no flow signal in the adjacent distal transverse sinus at the junction with the sigmoid sinus and there is miniscule flow in the sigmoid sinus). She believes this is to be blood clotting. (What!!??, I have to wait until tomorrow about this?) The PN (Plexiform Neurofibroma) which is the large tumor that runs from C2 around left of neck engulfing & deviates the carotid and deviates the pharynx...now engulfs the jugular. It thinks it's the boss and can own and violate everything, I guess. We also found out that the putitary gland is flattened. (what the heck does that mean?) No...searching the internet is very very dangerous for emotions, the brain, etc! Medical terminology...I'm gonna have a doctorate degree before this is said and done! Just keep swimming, swimming swimming!

Along with this stuff...Koda is being referred to the NIH (National Institute of Health) in Maryland for a clinical trial in hopes to shrink this mass that is being so destructive; that the oncologist has now stated it is in a dangerous state. :( Thank God we're not dealing with cancer too on top of this. So we head out tomorrow with all the reports and scans to face the NF team in St. Louis; this new stuff and to plan surgery for the skull reconstruction that the dang tumor eroded.

So on a other note, I have fabulous news...someone has paid the attorney the $450 so we can file the motion to borrow for the house. I have no idea who did this, but we have a signing appt with the attorney on December 5th to file it. Now it's in the hands of God and the trustee if we'll be moving or staying. Isn't that fabulous?! God works wonders and in mysterious ways...again just part of the rollercoaster ride.

So until tomorrow...you've been updated!

Seeing through the trees

Just a typical day, sitting on the back door steps, hot sweet Italian coffee warms my hands and the morning October cool breeze upon my face. I'm unloading the thoughts of the past several months since we were ever so blessed with this rental home. As the days get closer to the end of the year, some anxiety builds in regards to signing the closing docs on our new kottage (spelling on purpose) I call it. Am I just so desperate that I'll take anything to be a homeowner, is this a mistake, blah blah blah. It's not, the blessings and provisions of God have been all over this place since the first walk through to rent it.

We have trees that line up along the privacy fence that separate us from the field behind our house. The trees have been full all summer, and autumn has arrived causing one of the trees in the middle to lose most of its' leaves already. When this happens, it means we loose many hours of daylight. I'm personally impacted by SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), so my time with the sun has been depleting daily. I can already feel the suction of the gloom that seems to be alive and hungry; ready to suck me fully in. This year I cannot allow that to happen, so I've been blessed by God's provision, grace, and mercy to have had lots of friends/family visit me, a new hobby of painting/antiquing, a new organic business that lines up with our dietary lifestyle (I'd love it if you would "like" my FB page). I'm also being proactive by setting up a life group to start in my home for women to connect, encourage, support and pray for each other while studying the bible together.

Back to the trees! If you have followed my journey at all...this ties back to the "take my own path" in the Journey of significance blog. So Anyway, the other evening I was sitting in this same spot realizing I had never seen this particular view before from this location anyway. The leaves are falling off the one particular tree in the middle...and I was like, ohhh look at that beautiful sunset. I felt as if God himself had reached down from Heaven and embraced me with His arm around me pointing with the other hand, saying "see, even though there is a season in which things look dead and dreary...I've got something new and beautiful for you to see. Look thru the yuck and see my glory just for you!" I felt he also confirmed that I heard Him back in June to make my own path, proclaim it as mine, and live it fully.

I believe this moment right now He has confirmed my steps, I am exactly where I am supposed to be, and as more leaves fall off...I will see even more that he has for me. See the full trees give shelter, protection, oxygen, and beauty all in themselves, but there comes a time for them to rest so they can be fruitful in the season in which they were created to be fruitful. If they were always full, we'd miss out on all the other we are to see. I know these words are also speaking right directly to someone and this too is confirmation for you; you are going to be ok, there is more out there for you, and He's got you! I love Him so!! Some will read this and think...I don't get it, that's okay too. It may not be for you right now or ever. But if it is, please let me know as these days do bring a shadow of gloom that can talk negatively in a whisper that says...I don't have anything to say that anyone needs. Thank you for the ones whom keep on following my journey, encourage me, and most of all check in on me when I'm silent (we all know something is wrong if I am). :)

So another confirmation came across my FB newsfeed today and I want to share that with you. A door that has a tree with few leaves...I'm walking through!! I believe there really is something on the other side very much above what I can comprehend or believe; and it's going to be mesmerizing! So let me leave you with this...you've got your own beautiful journey...have faith He'll take you to the most beautiful places to see the most extravagant things, and it might mean going through a season of gloomy, dead looking, life all around...but your heart will be full.

Day 14- God will move you (unexpected provision)

Day 14 was a productive one. As soon as the hubby got home from work first thing (he works third shift) we got the kiddo off to camp then headed to get the utilities turned on in our name. The quickest route comes will a toll, so we decided to sign up for a KTag which will be beneficial to go into Oklahoma and also to Kansas City. After we got done with that we headed over to the new house because first we needed to confirm the keys worked but also I needed to refresh my memory of what it looked like. To be honest, when we viewed it the first time, I didn't see everything I wanted to nor took it in like I should have. I'm so excited now because its (house and yard) bigger than I thought.

My heart got a tad filled just because I saw kid's bikes at our neighbor's houses on both sides. Koda might actually have kids to play with and who knows; establish his first "best" friend. Wouldn't that be amazing? I have high hopes and am praying already that the parents along with the children are accepting and friendly. Here I am at 3am blogging on the morning of the 15th day only because I got into a packing mood when hubby left for work. I don't want to be cramming to get stuff done at the last minute so I focused on the kitchen. It's all packed up, refrigerator cleaned, etc. Got the kiddo's room all done right before bed, so all that is really left is the bathroom, last minute stuff and living room which has the big stuff in it.

Can't wait until morning though...we find out if we get our Ozzy (dog) back. It's been such an emotional week just in that topic alone. Emotions are a rollercoaster ride so many times and today wasn't left out. We were blessed by a dear friends today whom wired us money just because they felt led to. They had no idea the financial place we were in or at least not the extent of it. I so cried! I cried because it melts me when God shows off through His creation like that; not just with money but provision and unexpected at that.

If we are allowed to have Ozzy back, it will cost $200 to get him out. With all the moving expenses, this fee was just more than we had to pay...we were looking poorly for groceries and gas until the next payday as is, so by the tender grace and mercy of God, we are assuming we will get him back because the finances became available to do so. Yes, I'm claiming that as the final word...we'll see yet again. Stay tuned...

~Blessings
Simply LOLA

Facebook: @embracingjoy
Google +Yvonne Rentschler
Twitter: @embracingjoy
Instagram: @embracerofjoy