Might as well laugh about it...

...yep, we just moved here within the last 6 months, and now we're facing moving again. You can read about that crazy rollercoaster 30 day journey here titled "Day 1: If you don't move...God will move you." So the story this time goes like this; when we found this house for rent, it actually was listed for sale/or rent. The rent was cheap $600 a month compared to what we had been paying along with being a bigger house (5 bed/2 bath), and it had a big shop/garage (enough for 4 cars). It really ended up having all these minor things as well that we loved. We told the landlord we'd be willing to look at purchasing it in the future, but for now we needed to rent. We signed a 6 month lease with the thoughts of a contract for deed to be signed afterwards. Also, the neighborhood was full of kids always outside; which was something our Koda had never experienced and needed.

Well it even got better than that, the landlords came to us with the contract info I had requested, so we could know ahead of time the amount down and details within. We were in tears after that meeting, they had removed the realtor from the property/contract. They decided we wouldn't put anything down, and they would carry the mortgage in its' entirety. They had already picked the percentage of interest and attached an amortization that included only increasing our rent by $2 a month, and paying it off in 9.5 years. They are not expecting us to find a lender within a certain amount of time like most contract for deeds can include. Our mouths dropped to the floor...did yours? This is exactly how God works in our life over and over! But not only that, they are fixing everything that "needs" to be fixed like a roof issue (no leaks, just shingles), the sidewalk needs to be completely pulled out and redone, the porch roof needs replaced, and replace all the old water piping to pvc. This is all written out in the contract. We just knew this was our confirmation it was now time to settle, make our home, and find the security in that we had long been awaiting.

Since then, we've had to file bankruptcy. We have incurred the debt, so we will be paying $1000 a month for the next 5 years for that, but in all truth; I don't feel guilty about that anymore just sad we had to. I use to feel like "bankruptcy" was such a "bad" word. It still doesn't feel good to write it down either. Bankruptcy doesn't declare who we are or change the significance of our lives like some may judge or think. On top of that we've had the newest journey of our son's tumor eating through his skull (read here)..., and we're thanking God that it has not went malignant. Again, like I posted in the results of the PET scan; our journey is really just beginning with all that...we've got a road ahead of us that looks very crooked and honestly many parts of it we don't see. We really do trust God with all of it. So this next week...we start making the trips to surgeons, specialists, etc.

So when we filed bankruptcy we were upfront about wanting to buy this house. The attorney himself didn't see a problem but told us to make sure to submit the documentation/contract for court trustee approval. Again when we went to the meeting of creditors, we met up with another attorney from the office to face the trustee; at this time, we brought up again the contract and desire to buy this house. She (attorney) said, don't worry about it now...submit it after the final hearing in Nov...so I held on to it. I submitted it as requested via email about a week and a half ago.

Late yesterday afternoon, I got the most disheartening email from a paralegal. The email stated our paralegal was no longer with the company. If we had any questions or concerns we could email the general email address. She also included that if we wanted to ask for approval we would have to submit a motion to borrow. The fee for this is $450.00 and must be paid upfront to file. Then continues to say that if we would like to discuss any of this with our attorney, at the time of scheduling an appt. there would be a $125 fee to do so. Grrrrr!! Never in any of the previous convo's was there fees mentioned.

The landlord is expecting us to sign the contract on Jan 1st. 6 weeks away...and I get this email. We're very concerned at this point and questioning a lot of things at the moment. Are we not where we're suppose to be? Is there something going to happen with Koda that will make us need to be elsewhere? Why did this work out so nicely up until now? We just moved, really? I unpacked everything! ????? I also asked God, what instead of why? The landlord has already been so generous and actually way over what I could have imagined happening for us; so they want an approval from the trustee as well for us to sign. Makes sense...they've got to protect they're investment.

So my question is do we pack up now before (we've moved in much quicker time than 6 weeks before) all this gets going with Koda or do we wait it out? I've put in a call to the landlord so they'll know what's up. We don't expect them to do anymore than they've already done, and they need to sell their house. So with great concern I wonder tonight...what the next 6 weeks is going to entail. Let me be very honest here...I fully trust God to take care of us and know He will. I am concerned of the overwhelming journey we might have to face. Packing, surgery, looking for another house, deposits, moving, chemo, Koda's well being after being told we can't stay if that happens...yes all IF's...but I'm human and I think a lot.

I have to say that after posting a blurb of this on FB, I'm frustrated with comments. People really don't know what they're saying...good thing I know they mean well; but it definitely is a thorn in my side. Just like when someone loses a loved one...please, stop saying heaven needed another angel, God has a plan, a purpose, etc. For me personally, I know He does...but saying that is very discounting to someone's true raw emotions in the moment; it is NOT helpful. In those moments, I'm thinking I know this...my head knows this, my heart knows it as well. I'm sitting here with a kid that has part of his skull missing, a tumor that has not been able to be touched/removed because it's so risky; he might die if it was attempted. We live on scarcity in the natural realm of things because my husband (bless his hard working ever so dedicated heart) is the only consistent provider for our family...so I can be available for this ever changing condition of our child. Don't question my faith or ask me to remember...I KNOW! I don't like this journey at all though I know we'll see the blessing of it; we already have: our son's character, personality, life, and faith.

So, $450 isn't much really but it's a whole lot to us; more than we have right now in this moment or could even think of getting (our son's appts, traveling, lodging, boarding of dogs, eating etc at this time are where our finances are going along with paying the bills)...this isn't a call for help; this is a blog of real raw emotions. This isn't a manipulation to get help either; see...God does over and beyond what I can imagine every single time...so I'm waiting on Him to direct us. He will! I'm just concerned that His way for us isn't our way right now. This might not be were we thought was home, and with everything going on...I might as well laugh! He probably has heavenly laughing fits just watching me have my fits.

Sidenote: For me (because my husband can't get OT pay or work OT...he works enough) to make enough $$ to help pay this $450 fee...I need to sell some more products. If you haven't already been a part of my Facebook page then like/follow @rentschlerswildtree or shop my website. Ask me about workshop bundles to fill your freezer! This is a win win...you get simple, healthy, natural groceries you'd already be buying and be helping us out too. 

Thank you for reading, thank you for allowing me to live in my raw, disgusted, frustrated, sad, mad, and sick sense of humor about it all...embrace joy in your life because if you can't do anything about it; then might as well...laugh. "Proverbs 31:25...She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come."