I never thought of it as arrogance...

...I've always known it as pure faith.

I had a conversation this last week that put me on my knees. I was sharing how I knew God was on our side, and how He WILL take care of all this. After those words came out, a reply came out in this phrase that baffled me..."you're pretty arrogant, aren't you". Whoa!! I'm confident in my words and belief of what I said, but arrogant was like a bat swung to the face, it knocked me down. I went into prayer asking for God to show me anything that wasn't of him, and if I was speaking wrong. I did question this among some friends because I sure don't want to come across as an arrogant person.

See, I don't have anything to be arrogant about. My history shows life wasn't handed to me on a silver platter or a silver spoon in the mouth. I'll admit I lived a childhood better than some, and I'm thankful for that. We had what we needed and many times I got what I wanted from K-Mart...if that clears up the picture a bit. I'm actually pretty embarrassed and humbled most of the time because we fight as a family for every single thing we have...and most comes on a payment plan. We don't live on credit or beyond our means. This is hard to write, but it's the story that we sometimes don't like to talk about because it's just flat hard. We've made irresponsible choices in the past, and I'm sure the future will see some too. But God has ALWAYS provided...ALWAYS! Absolutely I've thought about how we will eat when the bank account is in the negative, or the gas tank is empty and there's a required Dr. appt. Have you ever been in that place? I have more times than I can count. It sucks!! The list goes on and on about how God has allowed us to stay in a humbled place; maybe just maybe because I'll give Him ALL the glory when each and every miracle happens.

Good grief, to me; getting up each morning with lungs that can breathe, and not being on my death bed is a miracle in itself. If you just knew me and the bumps in my journey...how am I really not on mental health medication or in an insane asylum? No making fun intended there...it's the flat truth. Call me a Jesus Freak, Bible thumper, whatever...but after one has read through this entire post; how can there be any other explanation? Here's a bit of just what has been provided for us...

One of our daughters has cerebral palsy and has left sided hemiplegia. We were told she never be able to play a musical instrument (because that part of the brain was destroyed by the stroke), walk correctly without leg braces, or be able to drive because of the lack of peripheral vision in the left eye. Don't ever say, NEVER to this momma! That child now has conquered the world of proving God has different plans than the medical team did. Out of leg braces by age of 8, played the trumpet and was in the marching band, drives a car, graduated as valedictorian with a 4.0 and 40 college credits, then graduated college in 3 years with a dual degree in Criminal Justice and Computer Forensics with honors in both. She went to work in her field before graduating college, and now is about to get married in May. God gets that glory! Proving one is more than the diagnosis!

Our baby boy, whom now is 11 is diagnosed with more syndromes, disorders, etc than most can keep up with. He's diagnosis include: Autism spectrum, ADHD, Neurofibromatosis (a incurable tumor disorder that is a spontaneous mutation not genetic), Sensory Processing Disorder, Restless Leg Syndrome, Central Auditory Processing Disorder (causing him to have to wear receivers in his ears like hearing aids and the speaker must wear a microphone called a Roger Pen), and Mild Conductive Hearing Loss in the right ear. He lives in a very limited interest world and is immature to our society's typical standards. God has so graciously allowed 2 tumors to disappear without medications, but yes we still deal with one large mass which can be read about here. So we on to now for our next adventure that has caused the mass to make a hole in his skull by deteriorating the base behind the left ear.

We've learned to ask "what" we're to do with each step in our lives instead of "why" is this happening to us. Wouldn't you agree we've been handed a tricky and questionable deck of cards to play? We have a countless list of provisions of favor that I feel are gracefully and mercifully allowed because it builds our faith to the point of arrogance I guess some feel...but we feel is because we share the story that He is still faithful, still good, He loves us, He is our help in trouble, He provides when there's no other possible way, and people want to be known & not feel alone.

So just a couple of provisions currently happening:

1. We're about to buy a home 5 bed/1.5 bath (after just literally filing bankruptcy chapter 13...yes, we're paying back our responsibilities for the next 5 years ) for under the market value with no cash in the bank, no mortgage company involved, a payment amount the same as our rent, no down payment, and it'll be paid off in 10 years. We didn't ask for any of this...we just wanted a house to rent. And the hubby ends up with a shop that he has only dreamed about. And Koda ends up with a neighborhood full of kids to play with that he has never experienced. How does that work?

2. Just recently moved into this home (July 1st) when we were at a loss of where we were going...you can read about the 30 day journey God provided by starting here.

3. A lady from our past shows up recently on FB as a friend request. She buys us today a set of 4 tires so we can make the journey safely to all Koda's upcoming medical appointments and testing. No we didn't ask...who does that? I'll tell you the grace of God moves with favor on you through people.

4. People are giving on the GoFundMe set up for Koda...they don't have to do that. Yes I realize this is something many would just shake off as well that happens all the time when a kid is sick. Yes, it does but it's still favor. It's God providing when we are in need. We didn't ask for that page, tho it had been discussed with some because people were asking me if we would be setting one up. I said, no...God will provide as He wants. The fundraising page showed up 24 hours later on FB put together by someone who was not in any of these conversations. Thank you to you who have gave, you have NO IDEA how blessed and thankful we are. We hate being in this place much less needing to accept these gracious gifts of your hard work and time.

5. The countless provisions for Koda have been astronomical through how we moved south from Kansas City, and he ends up with services that we never dreamed possible. He has graduated from all therapies...we expected these into high school at least.

6. I was provided a gift of organic seasonings when we started our organic clean eating back in January, and now have just launched a business with them so that I can help contribute to our family income since it's clear the doors keep getting shut for me to work outside the home.

7. Not even a year ago, $1000 cash showed up in our mailbox anonymously.

8. If we write down our budget on paper...down to $0 but we end up with extra money coming seemingly from the sky, how does that work? I'll tell you right now that is only because of giving faithfully with a compassionate heart expecting nothing in return. We give because we want to, and we are cared for every need every single time. I've felt lead to give our only grocery money before; some would say that's ignorant...well, when I did we were given just after that by another source a freezer and refrigerator full of food; more than what we had saved in grocery money. No we didn't ask, beg or anything else.

Sure we've had to utilize pawn shops when we step off our faith walk, got anxious, and forget how awesome God loves to bless us, or we've turned to doing it our way in the past...and every single time; it doesn't work, it's not enough, it just amazes my heart How MUCH He really cares and loves us. This all is very humiliating, I'll have you know; but someone else needs to hear this.  I am driven to share His providing heart even financially, but can I tell you about His listening ear?

(Ohhh yeah, in the past)We've had a group that came to us and asked to take over our utility payments for 6 months while getting a $200 grocery card in the mail monthly by another...no we didn't ask. How does that happen? There's countless stories like this in our lives. We are so humbled, deserving of none of it, but with tucked heads down, we accept so the person giving can receive their blessing.

So let me get to more of the important parts like our daughter's story...it's sure not the financial; We trust Him to do yet more through Koda over the next few weeks. Koda's faith stands right now like this...He feels he doesn't need surgery on the skull because God is going to heal it. No, I didn't tell him that. (Now that takes a lot of faith for me to write that even down...the negative comments are loudly right now in my ear...."God isn't going to do that, God doesn't work that way, God may use the doctors but not just a flat out miracle, blah, blah, blah, You're gonna look like a fool". We'll see. I believe and have been proven every single time that once I step into the uncomfortable; He shows up and shows off. I love Him so for that.  So this isn't my faith here...this is a child's faith in his loving Heavenly Father.

I've been judged for allowing my son to think this way. I've been told to have him stop praying in school before because it doesn't help his social connections. This isn't me or him on the line if none of this works out that way...it's God. His word is delivered just as this...

Matthew 18:2-4(NIV)

2 He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. 3 And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

2 Corinthians 8:2(NIV)

2 In the midst of a very severe trial, their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity.

2 Corinthians 9:6-15 (NIV)

6 Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. 7 Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. 8 And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.9 As it is written:

“They have freely scattered their gifts to the poor;
    their righteousness endures forever.”[a]

10 Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness.11 You will be enriched in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God.

12 This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of the Lord’s people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God. 13 Because of the service by which you have proved yourselves, others will praise God for the obedience that accompanies your confession of the gospel of Christ, and for your generosity in sharing with them and with everyone else. 14 And in their prayers for you their hearts will go out to you, because of the surpassing grace God has given you. 15 Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!

Proverbs 3 (NIV)

My son, do not forget my teaching,
    but keep my commands in your heart,
2 for they will prolong your life many years
    and bring you peace and prosperity.

3 Let love and faithfulness never leave you;
    bind them around your neck,
    write them on the tablet of your heart.
4 Then you will win favor and a good name
    in the sight of God and man.

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,    and he will make your paths straight.[a]

7 Do not be wise in your own eyes;
    fear the Lord and shun evil.
8 This will bring health to your body
    and nourishment to your bones.

9 Honor the Lord with your wealth,
    with the firstfruits of all your crops;
10 then your barns will be filled to overflowing,    and your vats will brim over with new wine.

11 My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline,
    and do not resent his rebuke,
12 because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
    as a father the son he delights in.[b]

13 Blessed are those who find wisdom,
    those who gain understanding,
14 for she is more profitable than silver
    and yields better returns than gold.
15 She is more precious than rubies;
    nothing you desire can compare with her.
16 Long life is in her right hand;
    in her left hand are riches and honor.
17 Her ways are pleasant ways,
    and all her paths are peace.
18 She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her;
    those who hold her fast will be blessed.

19 By wisdom the Lord laid the earth’s foundations,
    by understanding he set the heavens in place;
20 by his knowledge the watery depths were divided,
    and the clouds let drop the dew.

21 My son, do not let wisdom and understanding out of your sight,
    preserve sound judgment and discretion;
22 they will be life for you,
    an ornament to grace your neck.
23 Then you will go on your way in safety,
    and your foot will not stumble.
24 When you lie down, you will not be afraid;
    when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.
25 Have no fear of sudden disaster
    or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked,
26 for the Lord will be at your side    and will keep your foot from being snared.

27 Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due,
    when it is in your power to act.
28 Do not say to your neighbor,
    “Come back tomorrow and I’ll give it to you”—
    when you already have it with you.
29 Do not plot harm against your neighbor,
    who lives trustfully near you.
30 Do not accuse anyone for no reason—
    when they have done you no harm.

31 Do not envy the violent
    or choose any of their ways.

³² For the Lord detests the perverse
    but takes the upright into his confidence.
³³ The Lord’s curse is on the house of the wicked,
    but he blesses the home of the righteous.
³⁴ He mocks proud mockers
    but shows favor to the humble and oppressed.
³⁵ The wise inherit honor,
    but fools get only shame.

Hebrews 11:1(NIV)

11 Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. 

If you have finances where you have no worry, please Thank God today. If you have healthy children, please hold them tight, love them as it can change on a dime, and thank God. We stand on God's word to get us through because every time we do...He delivers over and beyond what we can only imagine. I'm not arrogant, I just have confidence in the One whom I have faith. Blessings abound to each and every reader. Thank you for blessing me by reading.