.......the fresh breeze coming thru the open windows of such a beautiful morning. 93hrs since my last cigarette, and I have a new sense of smell........it's luxury! Everytime I breathe in it's like a new present, a gift from God that I don't ever remember having. I'm not saying that I couldn't smell before but it was impaired, foggy, and overcasted with the nicotine, smoke, and altered taste as well. It's like being in a down town city w/ smog to the point of not seeing then slowly walking to the country where everything is free, spaced, and vibrant. The sense of smell has as well changed my sense of taste. Everything tastes different.
I was really scared that I might turn to food to fulfill the place that the cigs did; but it's weird, I did ask God for Him to fill it so that I wouldn't fill the void with an unhealthy substance. He has sustained me and filled me with His glory, love, and spirit. I continue to pray for my husband, Rick, that God will be the temptation blocker for him in such trying times at work. Almost everyone smokes there, and being the lead man he is; there is frustrations with people, job, trucks, and just life @ work........as with anyone. He hasn't totally quit yet......I think one cig a day......which is remarkable; but I and He needs to quit; my gosh it was his idea! LOL
I must say there is a greiving process to give up such a love, and it was a love. I was connected, and cigs were always faithful, always there and dependable, gave me a drive like no other.......but when I look back; my priorities were really messed up! Cigs before food, drink, bills, gas, before anything. I couldn't function........really couldn't the first 24-36 hrs of this was terrible. I wanted to scream, pull my hair out, die, kill someone, and I'm sure my family was about to put me out on the streets or admit me. I didn't like who I had become; but in reality that was the real me and cigs only suppressed that like some sick disease. Where was God? He was there I just didn't depend on him to fulfill the void......or did I, I've made it this far; and definitely not on my own. I couldn't have done it, I am too weak; really weak when it comes to..........just go get a pack. I mean the kids have gone to school, no one is here.......go outside so the smell isn't in the house; one won't hurt........ohhhh but devil you are such a liar; and always right there on the other shoulder to whisper sweet lies into my ear! God is stronger and thankfully I hear His voice much stronger.......and then I breathe in..............God's breath!
I can only hope you find Truth for yourself through my pilgrimage. This site consists of the transformational stories, adventures, and stepping stones in my life. A true diary of love, heartache, accomplishments, failures, faith, hope, patience, marriage, parenting, concerns, and just life in general.
Wow, congratulations.
ReplyDeleteHow, if I may ask did you go about quitting?
I want to quit for my wedding, Sept 6th.
First of all, Jim, Thank you for posting a comment. I appreciate knowing that I do have readers and what I have to say touches someone someway. Congrats on the upcoming wedding!
ReplyDeleteThe biggest thing about quitting is knowing you don't have control of it, it really does have you, but you do have to make up your mind! It's a every sec fight, then every min, then every hour, then everyday, and now I am to every week.
It does get easier, but I must say that the craving is always there ready to sneak up when you are at your most vunerable time. I really shouldn't have been around anybody the first 36 hrs....and then I really shouldn't have been around my family the first week, LOL. I was definitely angry and depressed; giving up a love of 21 years. It's hard, but it's such a beautiful life that you didn't realize was out there.......your breathing, your smelling, your tasting, and most of all you won't stink anymore :o) You'll be adding days to your life and with your new spouse. Keep me posted, and I will be praying for you! Enjoy reading!