A mother's madness...the rest of the story

Pre-warning pity party not allowed though I want to go there sometimes. I want to throw a plate and let it break, and maybe someday I will. Not sure it will help, but I may just have to check and see.

Months of what seemed to be a slow slide down a slippery path ended up in uhh let's say a muddy well of hell. I know that listing out the details of any of the events would not edify myself or you reading, so I won't do that. I will however give topics in which I know now to only be just more obstacles that I'm proving to endure and complete in such a messy way. I exacerbate over problem behaviors my child can and cannot control sometimes, I fall flat on my face in arising financial delimmas, I lay unconscious, as if fallen from a plane without a parachute in the sadness of the uncertainities, my body meets a Mack truck head on when I can't find time for authentic rest, My heart fills ripped out when there is a decision that is tough regarding my kids, I have nightmares in the daytime that life will never be any better, and only to find out that it's just an endurance run. Ugh!

I had a vision for quite some time now to be up in front of an audience (which I've done before) but with always kicking my shoes off. I know, I thought hideous too! I hate shoes honestly; at home I'm pretty much barefoot and if I can get away with it other places I will. What did this vision mean? I've had it for such a long time...and bam! I get an email asking to come speak in Kansas City on Mother's Day at New Life Family Church. All that went thru my head, wow brain overload...and it was if I was on fueled hysteria on the inside. Talk about my guts doing the nay nay, the two step, the waltz, Charleston, head banging maneuvers, and the moon slide all at once. I was a mess but got myself together since I was inside Sam's shopping with my husband at the time; and said "uhm, I need to pray about my response". Stupid thought!!! Didn't I just have visions forever about situations such as this...yes, I'm a fake blonde going platinum fast & furious (for real...naturally). Trying to find reasons I could have possibly thought I needed to do that; then I was quickly prompted with Philippians 4:6; (ESV) "do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God"

Immediately I was lead with the topic a mother's madness (like I know anything about that) and to find the imperfections society labels on women due to bad choices, incontrollable situations, relational confrontations, etc because none of that happens to anyone else, right? Immediately following I had a personal issue that arose that made me question what the heck I thought I was doing. The battles, obstacles, and thoughts almost drowned me even up unto the minute of delivery. My SIL quickly reminded me that is exactly what it looks like to carry my cross. (Matthew 16:24 “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.) I'm so thankful for the people that were praying for me because I wanted nothing more but to glorify God, let Him speak, and women, families, and relationships to be touched in a positive way.

Well my madness drove me into Luke and more so into Chapter 2 (even though I've read it many times before) led me to find ohhhh Mary wasn't a perfect mother either. This just proved to me that society can deem us by certain labels of invalid, unfit, etc. The mother whom the Creator chose to bear the Lord in her womb was named a blessed and godly wife and mother. Previously in Luke 1:30 she had found favor with God. So, I got all my studying and notes together for this day...only to leave one sheet in my bag as I went up front to speak.

(side note; it's late...I need a snack! While I do that...feel free to listen to the message I delivered that day: Mother's Day 2016-A mother's madness). If you are on a mobile device you will have to download the soundcloud app if you are on a desktop it will take you right to it.

If you listened...you missed the beginning where I actually did kick off my shoes (that part wasn't recorded) because I felt so at home. Nervous and so passionately involved with my personal story that I wanted to deliver a message the best way I could but nonetheless I was comfortable as if I was home. Also if you listened, you are the ones to get to know the secret of the missing page of notes while I'm up there. So, I still believe I'm supposed to deliver as Paul Harvey would say..."the rest of the story".

I totally left out why Mary wasn't a good parent because I didn't have that actual Scripture in front of me, and because of this loss I started adding in other things as I felt led so I didn't stall even more. Each stall I'm concerned with where in the heck is that piece of paper. Can you imagine? I couldn't think straight to remember my main topic was in Luke 2; I could've said in Luke 2 but I didn't and couldn't think like that while trying to keep a congragation engaged.

Luke 2:41-52 Mary and Joseph neglect their son. Neglect happened in my life along with many other attachments issues and wounds. They assume (we know what that does) he's with them when leaving and they travel for an entire day, then search an entire day before returning days later to find him in the temple with the leaders. He was fine, but this just proves even the mother of Jesus can make incomplete thoughts, bad choices, neglect, whatever you want to label it. Dad too for that matter...so can we give ourselves a break? Can we realize that perfection in every area is a lie masked as successful parent?

We have enough to deal with in this life such as; work, cleaning toilets, wiping butts, feeding in wee hours of the night, trying to work in that exercise, dealing with medications, deciding nutritional on nutrition choices, long insurance phone calls, doctor's appts, tax crisis', divorces, papers to fill out, meetings to attend, continuing education, bullying at school, death of family member, when are we gonna find time to soak in the bathtub without disruptions (forget that), when can I just get a shower?, managing our finances, transitioning for our kids whether home, school, or into adult life, and legal battles.Who's got time for listening to the lies that are whispered into our ears...we're failures! I don't...and you don't either. Dust it off and straighten your crown...you are beautiful and relationships can be redeemed.

The list in which I was going to call out all circumstances was also cut short...so I'm going to list them here. If you find yourself on the list; please know I'm saying that prayer in the end over you too. Here they are:

1. You are having infertility issues
2. You have a special needs or medically fragile child/ren
3. You have had an abortion
4. You have given a child up for adoption
5. You have lived thru the death of a child
6. You lost a parent before becoming an adult
7. You are a single parent
8. You have been abused (mentally, emotionally, physically, and sexually)
9. You have a disconnected relationship due to hurts w/ your child or parents
10. You have neglected or have grief in regards to choices you've made in raising your child

Mother's day is not a joyous time of celebration for many. After that service, I had several people men and women alike confront, email, text, FB, and pm me the power of the message that hit home for them...I couldn't believe how being so authentic in my walk would ever be a help to another. You just never know. Find your voice & share...someone needs to hear it.

Through this message and blog I hope that you can find healing for your wounds as you forgive, give to God what you cannot control, and find someone especially if you don't have your mother to celebrate. I look forward to continuing to pray for you. Leave a comment on what circumstances you need prayer...I'll gladly lift that up. Feel free to share and know you are a masterpiece! Let's encourage one another and lift each other up instead of judgmental tear downs. We're all going through something. I'm here for you. Message me on Facebook, follow on twitter...

Hugs & Blessings!
~Yvonne

4 steps to NO MORE FOOD/SWEET Cravings (Step 4)

I'll apologize right now for being so late in posting step 4. I had to be sure that this was the step I could stand on and had experienced in changing our new way of life. I'm assured now! After experiencing two full weekends away from home and one was on us at the last minute with no time to prepare; I can officially say step 4 is Give Yourself a Break!

Good grief son, where is your other shoe while dad is yelling from the garage do you have everything ready to load? Uhh do you think I thought about grabbing food? No! So while last minute things happen in our lives it is imperative to have planned organic snacks such as mixed nuts, fruit, frozen cold pressed juice, protein/fiber balls, salads on hand at all times. Grab it and throw it in a cooler, lunch bag whatever. There is going to be a curve ball thrown at some point. I have never been so sure of this change now that I didn't have a plan. What an amazing learning experience and confirmation that #foodmatters and I was #hungryforchange. (click on links for awesome documentaries, recipes, and so much more; no I'm not being paid to advertise for them!)

Out the door we went, and we all ate horrible...back to the original processed foods, restaurants, etc to meet the demands of our stomach. Sure we could've stopped and got the better choices from a store, but we were so limited on time & funds that made it not possible. We had to eat CHEAP...but we didn't fall for McDonalds whoot whoot!! See I'm using an excuse...what I thought was cheap; now we're dealing with abdominal cramping, digestive issues, gained weight, and the lil' guy's behaviors are off the chart gain. Those side effects don't come cheap either...I''m a failure was the first thought! No I'm not...we fell off the track and now we have to get back on. It is very clear to me and this experience is a confirmation that nutrition, food types and choices make all the difference in the world.

So if you have fallen off track or maybe even derailed and felt like you've been left there to rust away; I've got good news...tomorrow is another day. Dust yourself off, pick yourself back up, and change your choices. Thankfully we've made it back home (very very broke by the way) and managed to have just $30 to go to the store. If you buy organic food...you know $30 isn't going to get much and we've got a week to live before payday. (Do I want to admit this, no...hell no! But I found that in my transparency other's gain. For that, I in my embarrassment will be humbled enough to say it can still be done)

So the scoop, we had either in freezer or pantry; 4 lbs of grass fed hamburger, a 2lb bag of organic pinto beans, a few apples, a tomato, left over gluten free birthday cake, 3 jars of half used and different kinds of salsa, a onion, rib bones, a pkg of quinoa and Kale, head of lettuce, cornbread mix,
and a grass fed beef heart.

We went to Aldi's this morning with our $30 and bought:Yes all organic, etc...

a. peanut butter
b. 2 pkg sliced ham
c. loaf of bread (Did you know that sourdough bread doesn't have added sugar...just a note)
d. 2 boxes of spaghetti
e. 2 jars of spaghetti sauce
f. Shredded grass fed cheese
g. 2 cans of refried beans
h. 2 pkg Basil and Tomato chicken sausage
i. 1 bag of blue tortilla chips


Mind you that's all we have...meals will be

Tonight:Taco Salad (put the rib bones in and roasted this morning and then on into the crockpot to make bone broth...cooks for 48 hours. Then took out the beef heart to thaw and marinate for 24 hours)

Tuesday: Beef heart with side of quinoa and kale

Wednesday: Spaghetti with basil and tomato chicken sausage

Thursday:Beans cooked in bone broth and cornbread

Friday: Pay day baby!! With two pounds of hamburger left over!

Sweet! Now I'll admit even with organic this is not the best of our meals nutritionally, but it's sure better than that restaurant and gas station food. I only shared this last info to prove that you can eat better even on a tight budget. Can't wait for whole fruit and veggies back in the fridge this weekend
....and more so for the garden to start producing. I hope and pray this helps somebody!

Give yourself a break...tomorrow is another day to dust off and do the best you can! Hugs!!

Why can't this child just get it?...It's JUST elementary writing, math, attention and organization

but it's more than just that. It's executive function or working memory...my heart yearns to understand the depth of my son, so I can find the accommodations, modifications, and adaptive tools to help him to be the best he can be. Sure I can accept him just as he is but society has proven to be a not such a friendly place for those whom are different especially in school. I'm hoping to not only teach acceptance and give awareness but to also give strategies so the gap within society and him isn't so large. I can't be at school all the time so I'm always looking for explanations and tutorials of what it might be like for any child that struggles with any area of executive functioning. To be honest until recent years, I didn't even know what that word meant. I had to educate myself because until I understand, there is no way to "know" him. Until a teacher understands there's no way to fully explain and grasp the need to look outside the box of norm to help these children.

I'd personally get so aggervated when he wouldn't calm down and listen to me during homework...I was making it so clear and simple; but now I see it wasn't anything about me or how I was giving the information. IT was either the distraction of "not enough equal spaces to write" on a paper that he was hyper focused on, or it was the dryer going, the dogs growling, and the lighting that I could easily ignore. Even if it was completely quite...he'd hear a fly in another room. Imagine that? He has hearing loss yes but he hears things in "loud" tone that most don't. I'm running on a Windows system and he is running on a Mac so to speak; two different operating systems. All things can be mastered but done in very different ways when one's brain is wired differently. I'm loving his brains right now. Being a mom who loves to write, type, and tell stories, it's been a hard journey for me to connect; but I've now got the connection through verbalization. I like to talk...and well, if you know me at all; you're smiling/ok, laughing! :D

I've been a part-time scribe for him for about 2 years now due to his overwhelming reactions when asked to write. I can get him to write but it's frustrating to say the least, so I do some and he does some; turn taking. I have learned what battles to fight and this isn't one of them.I've seen such growth in maturity, understanding, disciplines, and a full grasp on what it looks like to try for him. He works so hard but I didn't realize how hard until now. I owe this kid a pat on the back tonight.

Today, I've was brought to my knees at the rock bottom of humility when it comes to understanding. I'll have more patience, acceptance, and drive to share what I've learned today. I'm sorry I didn't realize how bad it really was son! I was introduced to a simulator; Through Your Child's Eyes, and I encourage you to look at it too. The demographics that I put in may be very different from yours but can I tell you the organization, writing, math and attention stimulators was frustrating enough for me that I will have to see about changing our homework atmosphere and approach. Hearing the information from the children themselves...wow! You must use a computer and not your phone as it doesn't work the same; believe me I tried. I was in tears by the time I was done because I now, I "get it". I'm thankful the journey has brought me to this time and place but ohhh how I wish I would've known sooner.

He struggles so much with writing especially, but now math and I wondered why? Common core math is taking this type of already enhanced anxiety to a whole other level. I'm thankful for the moment he's enjoying fractions; we use lego's at home for a visual and draw pictures for the word stories. I hope teachers will see that with some of these kids just a simple 2+2 is enough without adding more steps pushing the executive function into overload. He already had attention and organization difficulties so this added stress has caused not only homework to be an issue, but his self esteem. He's finally realizing how different he is and it makes me so sad. I've seen countless videos where other kids have jumped in for support, been a defense against bullying, and becoming a friend. This also breaks my heart because my guy hasn't found that friend. Sure he has kids he might play with on the playground, but it doesn't go outside school. Every friend he has made has left him by moving or whatever which only counts for 2.  To be almost 11 years old and not having a friend breaks my heart. The kids in his class are more "mature" than he is and their interests are very different, so I don't blame the other kids; they don't have a connection.

His medical diagnosis' include Neurofibromatosis, ADHD, ASD, RLS, PLMD, Receptive & Expressive Language Disorder (though this has become quite minimal after a great 2 years of speech therapy), mild hearing loss, and SPD. He really struggles with memory. He's in the 4th grade and repeated 2nd grade. I've found it so fascinating that he really doesn't have very many math facts memorized when you just ask him outright, but let him be on a game where he has to control something and he can spout off math facts like nobody's business. The concentration it takes to play the game frees up his memory...amazing isn't it? I found this out by accident and was floored. He struggles to write a sentence much less a paragraph, but ask him to tell you a story verbally? You got all day? The creativeness that is in this child and so many more is outstandingly beautiful.

Once I get outside myself and my needs/wants...he's a wealth of information. My frustration usually comes from being interrupted with my own time. Selfish...and we all are some of the time. As I've been going through my parent ABA training, I've also been smacked in the face of reality that I cause most of his frustrations and meltdowns. Those fits are not just coming from no where...there's a reason, always a reason and antecedent. Now I can plan ahead accordingly most of the time; not all the time...and Wallah! We are having very few episodes of meltdowns...it's a beautiful place. :)

Now to take this news that I have learned and make his life even better! What a day! I'm a better parent for this and hope to be the catalyst for others to understand. For this picture is the very reason...I keep searching...

Blessings!
~Yvonne

Tuesday's tornado and tumor thoughts...

Warning! As you continue to choose to read this post...you might endure the whipping, bouncing, and thrashing whips of the storm in my head; proceed with caution.

We're blooming into spring way early this year. I had the windows open in February and in shorts by the end of the first week of March. Crazy! What's summer going to look like here in Kansas? We're in need of a good soaking rain, and as I look out my kitchen window at the gloomy weather that can cause much despair on the emotional well being of some...I for a moment am caught up in a tornado of thoughts. Why can't I be one of those that have it all together?

The trigger to this thought comes from physically facing the overwhelming stacks of papers, reports, bills, insurance EOB's, stuff to file, stuff to throw away, envelopes that haven't been opened in weeks (if I don't open it...I don't owe it, right?). The mail comes and I push it aside awaiting the day to get organized and get it together. I already know what is in the envelopes and I know I can't pay the bill, or get focused, or seem to find enough time to meet the demands of the ever increasing papers to fill out for someone, some service, some requirement that is in urgent need. I filled the trashcan as I know I need to shred those documents, and I look outside just for a moment to catch the glimpse of what we need...Kansas is in need of rain...and so it will come. The squirrels are running along the fence line playing as if they have no cause of any worry. The trees are blooming without a care in the world, just doing what it does. The birds are singing as they swoop down to find food in my yard...and I'm wondering where the food may come from for the next week until payday. Does anyone else struggle? Is it really that I'm so dysfunctional and oblivious to what else I should be doing to make things balanced in life?

On top of all that, my heart is torn from what Neurofibromatosis can do. If you've never heard of such a word, that's understandable even with much awareness; it's still pretty unknown within communities. When it's a child though it just doesn't seem fair and that part I thought I couldn't control. Maybe I still can't control the outcome, but you bet your sweet tarts I'm going to do everything in my power to drive this monster another direction to the best of my ability. In the past always looking for the next pill or medical advice to help; we're now driving away. We've done 8 years of meds...we are heading for nutrition and supplement city. We are alkalizing our bodies, filling them with oxygen and decreasing the chances of feeding the tumors more of what they want. We've removed all sugar as stated in other blogs and found where the deficiencies are. What if, just what if...the body heals itself with the balance of good organic whole foods, water, exercise, and necessary supplements? Just what if? What if we are feeding the monster with the processed food, gmo's, medications, etc? I can't take that chance anymore.

I've only lived a few years of my life at a place of serenity, joyful balance and without need. I don't work right now so why don't I have time, make time, prioritize such issues better than I do? There's something more to this chaos and I'm wondering if I'm alone? Some would immediately say...well, get a job. Yeah, okay that would bring in some income but it would also take most of it to buy another vehicle to drive (as we only have one), the gas, insurance, maintenance for such a vehicle. I'd lose the time at home with doing laundry, dishes and not stressing over the days off to do these things; which take time away from what matters to me most...my family time. I don't get joy from the mudane thought of repetitive work with no real purpose to my being. So, by re-reading that last sentence I sense I've not found my "place" in the world. But that's just an excuse too tho very true, I don't stay on top of the stuff at home as I should. It's in these moments of thoughts where I can drown in self misery. It becomes a worldwind of self pity, shame, guilt, and well I'm just not who I want to be.

I am constantly thinking about getting back to work; that's what every one thinks and most do. If I thought it would reduce my debt, give me some soul satisfaction, and I could complete work and home...I'd do it in a minute. I can't though, not right now at least...I don't know how to make that happen. It's quite embarrassing to write such vulnerability and transparencies down for the world to access, but I somehow don't think everybody really does have it together. I don't think everyone does have the financial freedom without stress of robbing Peter to pay Paul or have credit cards debt out the whazoo. Have you ever had your utilities shut off? Have you ever had to file bankruptcy? Have you ever been evicted from a home or went through foreclosure? Have you ever had a medical diagnosis that took more than you're capable of earning even after insurance? Are you actually doing everything you know to do and it still isn't working out?

How I make it though is only because of a husband that works his ass off! He cares for his family and is a provider for sure. He wants me to do whatever makes me happy, and with that he assures me staying home is just fine with him. Now, granted we all have wants but we personally have found out that there is serenity and security in having just our needs met. I keep going back to what am I doing wrong? Well, first off...not going to the city to ask for an extension before the due date gets your water turned off. So, who's to blame there...no one but me. Now with that said, I had a reminder on my phone to do such but because I was out and about busy I dismissed it and then forgot. Ugh! How long can a husband continue to deal with a wife who does such things? Does he get frustrated because if he does; he never says anything to me about it. He always says, it'll be ok. Is he in denial too? Maybe he thinks (here I go again putting thoughts in his head he never once thought) he busts his butt at work and he doesn't want to deal with any additional issues until they arise? I have no idea where I'm going with all this because again as it's titled a tornado of thoughts. Procrastination is a personal description I'd give myself as well when it comes to personal life. I'm not that way when I work, so why is it that I'm that way at home?

I can't fix it at the moment so don't face it maybe is my underlying issue. You know if I think back on it, if I left my room messy...Grandma would come in and clean it. So if I leave it long enough will someone else take care of it? It's not working like that in adulthood at all...though I will say the hubby always gets us out of stuff that I personally think in the moment is going to destroy us.

Am I alone? Do I need to get off FB, Twitter, Instagram again because it's taking too much of my time? Will I really do more, if I did...or would I fall back in bed with the darkness of depression. I can almost hear it...Girl, go get you some meds! Ha...no thanks. I wonder how many would fess up to thinking that is what I need? This storm shall too pass but it does seem this is one area that I just keep going round and round the dance floor with. I need to find a new dance or leave. I'm also thinking I really should not publish this; then I think, but what if I did? For the readers within my circle of friends, would you still think positive of me? Now, does it really matter? Tornados can be beautiful and intriguing from a distance, but to be in it; uhm, scary, overwhelming fear, and the thought of life is about to come to an end. So please don't judge from a distance unless you've been in your own tornado. As I finish this last sentence...a release of huge rain drops begin to pound the outside furniture and a freedom comes to my soul. The storm never stays; yes, it may do some damage but from it I learn for the next time it hits.

I have it more together than I am thinking. Bills have been paid for the most part most of the time.

I've gotten my priorities in order when it comes to needs vs. wants. May I accept my knowledge through experience as a way to connect with others. It's not I that need to know if I'm alone...it is the reader that is needing affirmation and confirmation that they are going to be okay and are not alone in the darkness of the storm either. So here's to you...it'll get better, but you must walk right on into the storm so it can change you. Don't run because eventually it catches up somewhere in time. Actually in the fear of it all; you usually are only thrown around but never destroyed. You're going to make it.

Here's to risk, chances, and authentic vulnerability. Aren't you glad you're not stuck in my head? :)

Blessings!
~Yvonne

4 steps to NO MORE FOOD/SWEET Cravings (Step 3)

The pictures/quotes are women driven but this blog is for males as well. I come to find this is one of the most important but a difficult step within the 4 because it supports emotional health. If you've missed out on Step 1 and/or Step 2 make sure and click on those links as they are highlighted.

Step 3 is Support.

We have these little voices that say ohhh one piece will be ok, and I won't have anymore. Yeah right...it never works like that. You know, 1 Pringles chip is impossible or even the serving size of 16 chips were impossible for me. Once you give into the temptation of the first piece, first anything there is an army of excuses for the 2nd and 3rd until it's uncontrollable again. It's a lie. We must have supports in place prior to the event. This support holds us accountable and hopefully one has such in place that will lay the truth out in love; and one is able to receive it when emotionally one may be in denial. Trust the supports.

I was once in several accountability groups and we tried and tested each other. The most beneficial thing I learned from such a group was that you must have multiple layers of steps away from caving. Let me explain this detail. This goes for anything in life that is addicting, toxic, or just something you choose to stay away from. For instance, you have an unhealthy relationship with someone you know you shouldn't, it's not enough just to say you're not going to talk to that person again. If one is emotionally attached, there's a grieving process as one will have felt as though they died. This is a normal process in clearing one's circle of unhealthy relationships. One must have several barriers up to help protect yourself from caving into just calling them up. So first, make a commitment to yourself. Some people have great will power and compete within themselves; this is great, but it's not bullet proof. Next, make a plan of barriers to run into before actually calling, then get some accountability partners to call upon in need. Three or more team members are the best because there will be times those people will not be immediately available when you need them.

Here's example building the plan & barriers to such success. Every time I use this strategy, it works.

1. Commitment to self (make reminders on mirrors, in the car, on your phone, on your fridge even)

2. Ideally get a 3+ accountability/support team with daily interaction even if it's just a smiley face that you have met the goal for the day. I've got a support group for different topics that still happen on a daily basis everyday. These people help keep me on track, love me unconditionally, and are not quiet when I've stepped off track.

3. Find your weaknesses and REMOVE all items from home, car, phone that may tempt. Food, pictures, Facebook; other social media, delete music that reminds, block people, delete contacts from phone, if needed take a social media "fast", break, or vacation especially if the temptation to look them up is your weakness. Drive a different way if you know you'll see them or that restaurant, turn off the TV commercials, etc.

This is exactly what an accountability partner would say.

4. Pray, meditation, yoga, exercise, listen to music, find a therapist whatever it is that helps you connect with self and the best journey forward.

I understand this struggle in a very real way...probably more than you can imagine. Without details, of course, here's the exact subjects that I have had to build and use this plan with; Marriage, emotionally unhealthy relationships, addictions, finances, and well food. I didn't place food in the addictions category because some don't view their struggles as an addiction; so didn't want to leave that as a possibility of denial. I hope this makes sense. This is not easy, it takes full thought into planning the fences, barriers, support, etc.

I'm seriously here to help in anyway I can. If you want more understanding, help in this area, or lacking supports regardless of the topic in which you want to discontinue; I can do that...contact me. There's no charge here for support. Life is a struggle and it's real. This is my passion in life is to help others become the best that they can be. I know sharing your vulnerability and struggles can be embarrassing and hard to admit; I know, I get that, but no judgments here. I've done and seen it all in this journey. Guess what, I fail, fall, and thankfully can say I get back up. It's ok to be human. It's ok to have a bad day that's why we place the barriers so you can trip several times and still not hit rock bottom. These supports give you a ledges
to fall upon without falling into the pit.

It's my hope you find Hope & Support in this blog to push you through to a healthy you!

Blessings
`Yvonne

4 steps to NO MORE FOOD/SWEET Cravings (Step 2)

For those of you still needing or wanting to read Part 1 of this journey, please click here.

My lettuce is growing beautifully in the window! :)

Well update on Mr. K; he's officially off the RLS meds as of tonight. That means since Jan. 1st he has been taken off 4 different meds. We have one more nighttime med to go but that won't come until we go back for his 3 month lab. This leaves only 4 medications (4 dosing times and 7 pills) to go...I'm so hopeful. We have used a therapeutic essential oil from Young Living called Grounding for the last 3 nights (including tonight). He has had no issues going to sleep, he has not gotten up complaining, he has slept all night. Now with that said, here's a note on sleep disorders if you haven't read my past blogs. Even though he's in bed, appears to be asleep, and doesn't get up doesn't mean his body is deficient of sleep; good sleep called REM sleep. 

Restless Leg Syndrome, Periodic Limb Movement Disorder, Sleep Apnea,etc are real issues that cause daytime behaviors especially in kids. If we don't sleep well then ADHD, emotional, defiant, etc type symptoms might occur during the day because they are actually tired and that's how they respond. So we also know that; we're probably going to have to have another sleep study to see how bad/good it really is. With his deficiencies that we found;  he has now a full regime of supplements because unfortunately we can no longer get all we need from the food sources like once upon a time even though we've went fully to organic whole foods. 

Koda and I both are feeling on the downside tonight so I'm hoping it's not what has been going around. I know we're still deficient in our nutrients, etc...and can't wait until we do a whole family detox during Spring break. We're waiting until then because we know it's going to be hard the first few days, and trying to go to school under such circumstances so we want to support Koda as a family doing this.

So now that's been updated; let's get right to the 2nd step:

#2 Netflix & Chill ;) 

(for the uninformed reader...Netflix and Chill is the new "have sex" slang: Netflix and chill is an English language slang term using an invitation to watch Netflix together as a euphemism for sex, either between partners or casually as a booty call.) (Source: Wikipedia)

or do exercises like I do watching the educational documentaries. Wow! I'm glad I don't have any teenagers right now & have to listen to see if they're Netflix and chillin'. 

Tip: Eat before watching such suggestions. 

Be Educated with the food you eat; where does it come from? What's in it? What does those ingredients mean? So to help you out and to give you a jump start to what took me quite some time to find and get (no need in all of us waiting 42+ years to pay attention and get the right information. 

Here's the list:

Food, Inc. (Warning: some graphic slaughterhouse video's)

Food Matters

Hungry for Change

Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead

Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead 2

Forks over Knifes

Fed Up

Cooked

Spinning Plates

Jiro Dreams of Sushi

Inside: Chipotle

Super Size Me

More than Honey

Somm

I Like Killing Flies

That'll keep you busy for awhile. I'm personally so thankful that Netflix has these as part of their selections. I realize this is one of my short ones but there's a lot of information here about the 2nd step....You wouldn't read it all; so I just gave you the videos and excuse to watch. 

I've got to take of myself so I'm going to bed. Say a prayer if you will. TIA!!

Blessings,

~Yvonne

4 steps to NO MORE FOOD/SWEET Cravings (Step 1)

Yes, I don't have any food cravings and my desires for portions have uhm...let's just say, I have to make myself eat more than once a day. That's seriously about all the hunger that I have. How is that, you might ask?

Before I share with you what I actually did to get to this point, let me first say this. I have been down quite the road with weight issues most of my life. As a tween, 12 years old, I got sick one summer, really really sick and lost a bunch of weight for me at the time. I was down to a size 12 from probably a 16...and I'll never forget how my grandpa told me how much better I looked. Well, that stuck with me...12 must be the perfect size, I thought. Now there's some of you that want under that...that's ok, that's your choice because it's not about size to me anymore; I just want complete health. Like I've said on my Facebook posts, I don't own a scale. 

I wasn't looking for this journey when I found it! `Yvonne

Anyway, I've learned such things stick in our conscience when things like that are said especially to a naive young child. I'm not blaming him by any means. So I struggled with self worth, depression, shame, guilt, and on and on. Jumping into 2010, I decided to go have weight loss surgery (gastric sleeve bariatric surgery). That went well, I lost a little over 100 lb. down from 306 lbs and then my world got rocked. That rocking was very personal and there's no benefit for me to share that in this post. I can't ever say I found comfort in eating, I don't remember ever feeling good while eating...actually I always felt worse but never stopped. This body has consumed a lot of food in 42 plus years and in January I was almost back up to the before surgery weight of 286 lb.

January 24th, 2016 was the marking day of the click that went off in my head. I had received some information on yeah, I know boring insulin resistance and blood sugar. This was given to me in a way I've never heard before or was it...that "I had made up my mind" for real to do something different. My quote has always been "Be the change you wish to see in the world" -Mahatma Gandhi  

I don't believe I was just all of sudden interested in insulin/sugar because I wasn't even there to get such information. I didn't even know at the time I was going to hear such a lecture. A God appointment some will say and I won't argue that. I will say I knew in my heart for the first time in life that I was really done with my life as I had known it. I didn't set a New Year's resolution or anything about losing weight, changing life, etc. My life has changed though...the entire thing; A new lifestyle.

I'm compassionate about health. 

Getting back to emotional health, I have to talk about this because it is where many of us get stuck. It's where if I was mad, sad, scared, it didn't matter I seemed to place food in my mouth. I'd go hide in parking lots all alone to gorge myself on food. I remember one time eating 2 cheeseburgers, a chicken salad, large french fries, 20 piece chicken nuggets, and a XL pop. Ewww! Right? Well when one is in that mindset...you just hide so no one knows the ewww, or at least that's what I did.

Also, I was paid to clean my plate especially when going out to eat and every time I'd do it; then I'd have to go to the bathroom to get rid of it sometimes. Uhm, that didn't last long though before I was just used to cleaning my plate and so was my stomach. I will have to say we cannot fall into victimization status about ourselves over this because we are grown adults and have a choice. After you have been supplied any information don't discard it as not important or an interest to you. I wasn't interested in insulin or sugar information because well, I don't have diabetes staring me down, I don't have cancer eating my body up, I don't have anything/no diagnosis except migraines and obesity; being irresponsible with my body. I get it though, this thought process can't click for anyone else either until they want it to click. 

I've always had a choice, but when I found out the lies that are even deeper than one can imagine; that was my final click/light bulb moment.

It sucks because I always thought all these years it was my fault. Obesity is not anyone's fault...it's everybody's fault, unless one is actively contributing to the health of others along with themselves. I refuse not to inform my readers, my friends, acquaintances of what I know or find out. I cannot live with the guilt of not caring and not saying anything. I refuse. So, if you find yourself my friend on FB, Instagram, Twitter chances are you might get tired of my posts. I don't just post about this stuff only because I'm more into encouraging life and embracing joy than anything else. 

We have been lied to from the food corporations, medical profession and governing officials that we expected to oversee our health. It's all a lie (see my post on I feel like Maury...and that was a lie (Pt 1). The lies have been around a very long time, I'm just now figuring all that out. Now I'm a sponge and I hope at some point you will be one too for yourself, your family, for the Creator (my belief system). We can no longer play victim; we have a choice.

I'm out to prove to not only the rulers of lies but to myself; I can be healthy. I will do what needs to be done to remain that way. It's going to be a journey, and I'm taking it slow. Join me if you want; I'd love it.

So back to what you started reading this blog for in the first place...Step 1 

1) I took out all sugar (I know I know, you can't do that...but, but, but EXCUSES your choice :)) Sugar meaning anything processed, all the aka sugar names like high fructose corn syrup, and on and on the list goes. So I don't shop the middle isles of the store anymore because practically EVERYTHING is lurking sugar. I sure don't buy low  

fat, etc because it's been replaced with aka sugars. If you haven't already please watch Fed Up on Netflix. This is exactly where I started. I was livid after that; really livid. 

With this we have decreased choosing foods with labels. We cleared out all our pantry, refrigerator, etc and found pounds and pounds of processed items with high contents of sugar. Another truth about  sugar...you might want to see. (here)

TIA for sharing, commenting, and I'd love to hear your journey. I'm here to support you.

Blessings! I care about you! 

~Yvonne

Eye rolling, should've known better, lightbulb moments...

What happens when you feel you have failed? You get back up and learn from it or you should. Warning, this is one of those blogs where I lay my emotion out on the table. I know who I am, I know I haven't failed, but I share these spontaneous moments so that another might be able to connect; not feel alone.

I honestly feel like I've failed myself and everyone around me these past couple days; well, because my appearance isn't going the way I think it should.

So it all started Saturday; ecstatic over feeling lighter, my stomach had what I call fallen. It's loose and not bulging & tight anymore...I'm on my way; I thought. I had consistently gotten in at least my dedicated 4 miles a day. Then, my husband smokes some melt in your mouth watering goodness ribs and roasted vegetables. If you follow me or are a friend on Facebook then you seen such the sight. I felt great even after eating that. Remember I eat on a divided kids plate so my portions are appropriate and it keeps me accountable.

Well Sunday came...I have this horrible time on Sundays and have for quite some time. I use to think it was because I had to go to work on Mondays, well that can't be the case now...I work at home now. We decided to have left over ribs for lunch. My stomach just didn't feel well, I even felt as if I had gained a whole clothing size back. You know what, I've already forgotten how or when the next step came into play but I know I made myself a spinach wrap with this flat bread that was low in carbs, high in protein blah blah blah. I ate it. That was it, I had within 20 mins gained every back that I worked hard at this last week. Going from 2 miles a day to 4 miles then for that to happen, I was devastated. I cried, no lie.

I got my positive pants on and decided, it's ok because everyone has those bad days and tomorrow is another day. Wrong...Monday I woke up still so full of yuck, bloated, and lethargic. Those two items, the ribs and that flat bread is what I blamed. So I got ready for my 4 miles and decided no, I'm going to change it up a bit. I'm going to decrease back down to 2 miles, but increase my incline and pace. I thought this abrupt change would kick up the metabolism, etc. Well if it did, I didn't see it. So much into the evening last night; I'll just say I was flat depressed about it all.

I went outside to see the snow moon as I had read about it being the time of release; and I was amazed. Amazed by the radiance it put off, then my mind went wandering into thoughts like; God put that there for us because in Him there is no darkness. So as cheesy as it sounds; I lifted my arms to the heavens...I had a conversation with God last night. I didn't ask for him to help me be skinny or anything of such nature but only of gratitude for all that He has created for us. I know I have several followers that don't believe as I do; it's ok. This blog isn't about religion; its' about my journey...and you care about things I say and many have been inspired. So let this part slip through your filter if it must to hear me out. After the conversation...I just said, here I give it; I give it all in regards to our new lifestyle. Be what it is...it'll still all be alright.

Didn't think much more about it until crawling into bed (where my thoughts pour as the waterfall over  Niagara Falls as it always does) (and where I am right this minute) and BAM! How the heck did I know what caused this bloating/experience for sure; I tried to rehash my day...memory sucks! Ohh I'm a writer but I have forgotten one thing...I haven't journaled or done any type of food tracking, emotion tracking, whatever....I needed to start my day with paper in hand because I still love to write with a pen over typing.

So today I sulked in my pity of failing all of this; failing overtook me. So guess what; I didn't walk anywhere on purpose today, only what I had to do. Stewing over not having had the journal going from the get go; and guess what else...pictures of my journey overall. Not that I will be sharing all that nonsense, but for me to have access to see the journey happening even on bad days.

I just think I figured it out; and lets' just see if I'm wrong. I had gotten a little uptight over the Saturday night experience which again was a little gain, bloating, uncomfortable. STRESS! The stress caused probably more of it than anything and each day I dwelt it was worse though my actions were no different. Yay, maybe ribs will be able to make my mouth it's home again. Just maybe...but I can't blame them until I can track that info. So...tomorrow is another day; not one of failure but of experience and lesson learned. I'll be noting my emotions, the foods I eat, the exercise, and the activities that might give me stress.

Lightbulb moment: Can't blame something if you really can't track it to that. Journal it is.

Thank you so much for following, commenting, and sharing...yes, I know eyes' rolled, I should've known better but it is what it is and I appreciate all of you. My blog is reaching out farther than ever before and I've wrote for many years. I have tons unpublished because I get stuck in a rut of who cares, no one wants to read this, and honestly who am I to have something to share of interest. So thank you, I need you too as it keeps me accountable.

Good night!

Blessings Abound!
~Yvonne

Pic/Quote is written/said by Joel Olsteen

I feel like Maury...and, that was a lie! (Part 1)

Sometimes I feel like I'm just one human and there's no way to research, obtain, memorize, and hold up to all that I need to for the sake of our son. He has so many diagnosis' (dx's); Neurofibromatosis (NF1), Autism, ADHD, Restless Leg Syndrome, Auditory Processing Disorder, Periodic Limb Movement Disorder, Mild Hearing Loss, Sensory Processing Disorder, Receptive and Expressive Language Disorder. He's on these medications as of right now (removed 3 RX's in the two months which was Zyrtec, Melatonin and Prilosec, but have been thru many more including chemo); Focalin (3 daily), Clonidine (4), Mirapex (1), Miralax (3), Gabapentin (1), Ambilify (1/2).

Are you tired yet? I am. But I got to tell you...I'm writing this so maybe just maybe one more family doesn't have to do this terrible journey we've been on. I'm hoping I'm able to shed some light or be the transmitter of a light bulb moment.

Without going thru each one of the dx's in this blog...uhm, ain't (I know it's not a word) nobody got time for that; I'm going to focus this part on our first new adventure in getting healthy. The diagnosis' we are starting with here is Restless Leg Syndrome and Periodic Limb Movement Disorder. The reason I'm starting here is because if a person cannot get good quality REM sleep; there is going to be problems with behaviors that can mimic ADHD, Autism, some call being a brat syndrome, whatever. None of it's pretty if one cannot sleep. Is the diagnosis correct?...you must question that. This is just one link/site of hundreds that are an awesome resource for information; I'm not promoting or discrediting the sites, fyi. I'm not on here to gain any money, approval, or anything of the sorts.

You must be the advocate for yourself and your family.

I'm not even going to go into the story from birth up until the diagnosis as that is another blog for another time. So at Koda's IEP in January this year, the teachers had noted the decrease in focus. I said, Ok...well, we've got to go to the sleep clinic in KC then. I had already learned that daytime behaviors can be a result of not getting proper sleep. (Now mind you I have read many comments about upset parents who say; my kid sleeps! Do they really, do you know for sure they are getting REM sleep, are they tossing allover the bed, are they complaining their legs hurt, are uncomfortable, snoring or something else? I just ask that you make sure...the only assured answer is through a sleep study) I also told them the medicine dr. would not increase or change any "adhd/autism" focus medications to help with focus until we do make sure that he's getting proper sleep. So because I already know this...I call to make the appointment.

In the mean time I found out some things about sugar, insulin, and the food industry which made me livid (see my previous post on my new finds here). Mama Bear kicked in and changed everything and Papa Bear proudly supports the new life. Also while waiting...I was finished at my temporary job the first of February; which gave me time to research even more. I may not have a paycheck physically coming in, but I'm saving $ with this new lifestyle and also our lives which is priceless.

Appointment time: I just plainly start off with school's concerns and the lack of sleep Koda had seemed to be getting (he was more restless again). I also shared my concern about how I also know now since Papa Bear was also diagnosed with RLS that the meds to treat it are the type you become addicted to and need more for them to work. Ughhh! I told the dr. I don't want to increase the dose, I want labs done to find deficiencies in vital nutrients. I knew Iron deficiency was one that could be the culprit of RLS. She was happy and agreed, as she didn't like the med but it was our only option at the time (uhm no! Now I know that labs are the first thing that should happen to find deficiencies)...now mind you Mirapex is not approved by the FDA for children (not that any of prescription shouldn't be questioned if it harms more than it helps) so she gladly was ready to help decrease Koda off that med then Gabapentin is next.

Her note was this...It's going to get worse before it gets better. :( The behaviors will increase. The leg pains, cramping, bugs running around will get worse. (So our 10 almost 11 year old gets to go through withdrawals like that of a drug/prescription addict). Momma Bear wants to clean him out, but must admit to the guilt that I feel for having allowed this to happen! He's been on medication since he was 3, it's time for us to get a baseline again.

So we go for labs...the results; Vitamin D deficient (most Americans are), Iron deficient, Calcium, Potassium, and.... I asked for a check on magnesium...guess what? She couldn't do that lab because there's not enough scientific evidence showing in the "medical files" that it has anything to do with sleep. Ok, here's where I grin because I know she only follows exact protocols within her practice. I shared with her that I had a link to "scientific notes" through the National Institute of Health. That got her attention and I got the labs for that too.

What I found on my own was amazing through this website about Magnesium that everyone needs to read. I love how in this journey one thing then leads to another discovery...so I found out that not only does Magnesium or the lack there of cause cramps, tremors, and constipation (each Koda has) it coincides with Calcium deficiency and that the muscles in our body releases that when squeezed. Well guess what? Koda begs for pressure especially at night...he wants squeezed. Hmmm, coincidence I think not; it's his body asking for calcium.

After researching these deficiencies of his...I found more information that just flat makes sense. It is clearly a lack of proper nutrition (and it's not because the boy doesn't eat or that he doesn't choose good foods; loves broccoli, greens, fruit, meat). His body can't absorb the nutrition properly when his gut and kidneys are damaged from the prescription drugs. So we are are on a journey to clean out the gut.  I so should've listened to our wholeness chiropractor back when he was 3; he diagnosed Koda with Leaky Gut. I believe him now. I started the healthy life back then but the lies of the world that we can trust our government, our food supply, our doctors, etc and in the moment was so much cheaper (lie...long term affects on health and lifestyle) to use prescriptions because wholeness chiropractors are not cheap and society said; this wholeness, holistic, organic, approach was "crazy extremists"...well if that's the case we're jumping on that band wagon. Call me CRAZY!

I feel like Maury...and, that was a lie! I just have repeatedly said that over and over since I decided to research and advocate for more than just IEP's, therapy, etc. We want to thrive not just survive. I know without a shadow of a doubt. With great sleep, a healthy gut, exercise, organic clean nutrition (be careful if you garden this year; make sure your seeds are organic as well), and supplements our bodies will heal themselves. We are fearfully and wonderfully made. :)

He will slowly go off the prescriptions as we add in all the vitamins, etc. Now I will say, I also have added in therapeutic essential oils into this because I've seen them work. My husband even has had great results. We are shopping for only the best of the brands of vitamins so we can get the best absorption rate; no preservatives, no gmo's, organic, clean vitamins. READ the ingredients and labels please!!! Iron must be given w/ Vitamin C (organic orange juice is what we decided) for it to absorb correctly. See it's not just as easy to go to Walmart and pick a vitamin. Dang I wouldn't buy a vitamin from Walmart...they are full of sugar (whole other issue) and other not very good things. You are lucky if you absorb 1% of those. Don't waste your money. Until next time...blessings to you.

Please comment here and let me know you're reading, share, and most of all I pray you take something beneficial away from our journey. Embrace some joy! Here's to your health! Hugs!!

~Yvonne

Wellness Wednesday...How baking soda saved me $$$

I know that's a crazy title but let me tell you...I'm a believer now. So with our family's new journey and lifestyle change, I got a little discouraged when I started to feel pain in my lower back a few days ago. I blamed the new exercise routine because what else could it be? I rubbed my pain sites down with oils and that seemed to help. So night before last, I started having some sharp pains in my lower stomach. With having been diagnosed with endometriosis since I was a teenager, I chalked the pain up to that. Then I noticed I was having the feeling of needing to use the restroom more but not much coming out, even with all the increased water I have been drinking. Now mind you, I hadn't put all these together. 

It was when the burn came that I went...ohhh no, I've got a UTI. I've had enough of these in my life to know the moment that uncomfortable feeling starts. How the heck can that be possible? My thoughts included but not limited to; I drink more water than ever now (about 16oz an hour at the least), I've removed sugar in my diet and so it can't be feeding on that, I know the whole regimen about sex and going to the bathroom after, what in the heck could it be that's causing this?

For the life of me, I didn't understand. I was so mad honestly because if you've ever experienced that pain...you know, it's a force that must be stopped. I made it up in my head; I'm going to have to go to the doctor and get prescription antibiotics...and well, that's exactly why I've changed our lifestyle. I don't want any more of those chemicals destroying more than they are helping. I don't have the money right this minute to go to the doctor or pay for meds; you know...because the flex account is dry 6 months into the year since they reduced the amount we are able to put in. I just knew I had to go because the pain is truly intolerable.

So I go on my little research hunt to see if there's anything I could do with what I had in the house to help me get by. I find all kinds of things, but nothing I have readily available in the house. Then I came across this article about baking soda, What? I thought to myself. No way...but wait, I do have some. It can't be that easy! Well, I did it.

I mixed 1 tsp w/ 8 oz of water and drank it. No, I don't like that I ingested that much sodium but...hey I know things that are worse, right? To be honest, I've never looked at the back of a baking soda box. I only used it for cooking and well now it's in my detoxification cleanser/soak. I was shocked, call me a dork; it's okay because I feel that way right now. Even if it didn't help my current symptoms like the article said, the box says "Uses relieves: heartburn, acid indigestion, sour stomach, and upset stomach due to these symptoms". I was flabbergasted with with excitement that I had come across something to help with Koda getting off his meds; a replacement for the prescriptions. See my last blog about how we're dramatically changing our lives. 

I was scared honestly that his issues would still bother him until we got his gut healed. I know it's going to take time. 8 years of medications no less than 4 and as much as 27 pills a day is going to take some time to repair. So...I don't care if it doesn't help me, I've been given something cheap, easy, and helpful for Koda. 

So laugh if you must at me; it's okay...laughter I think is the best medicine there is. :) 

That's not the end of it though. Within 2 hours of drinking this concoction...I was relieved of the back pain, the burn of urinating, all of it was gone. I'm also happy to say this morning everything is flowing freely and properly without any pain whatsoever!

If you already knew this then that's great, and I'm jealous I didn't know sooner. It is what it is, right? The struggle is real for a newbie.

Thank you for commenting, laughing, sharing and most of all wishing you the best on Wellness Wednesday!

#drinklotsofwater #utisucks #noprescriptions #nodoctors #savemoney #bakingsodacures

(UPDATE: ) I got quite a few responses asking if I knew what was causing the UTI. I apologize that I left that part out. Due to all the increased water that my body was now use to, it didn't like the acidity of the organic no sugar orange/carrot juice I had added in last week since starting my Vitamin D. Ones body cannot absorb Vitamin D without Vitamin C. The acidity was the cause of my UTI after talking to some medical field friends. I needed something alkaline to balance it out...and that's exactly what baking soda is/does.

Do you ever wonder...

...how you have ended up where you are today; good or bad? I have numerous times. I honestly live with a lot of regret. I've made some very bad decisions in my life and am not proud of those at all. I can't change what has already happened, but only apologize to those I've hurt in the process.

With that said, something pretty powerful has happened to me within the last few weeks. The reason I  say this is because for once; I'm doing something great! This decision not only changes and helps me but it truly is nothing but positive for everyone around me. It started like this; I decided Rick and I would do something once a month on our "monthly" dates (now that we finally got someone we can trust to take care of our son while we're out) that we've never done before. Trying something new and step out of our comfort zones, so the first date was a hypnosis clinic (don't judge as I'm being authentic in my sharing and don't want this word become a stumbling block in your walk with Christ if that's the case. Questions in regards to Christians and Hypnosis: please read). I won't go into detail about this because that has nothing to do with this post.

I came out of this date a changed person. My thinking of food...is forever changed. Sugar and flour are "Death Dust" to me and there's a big red flashing X internally when I see them. After this I think it was only a day or two later that we watched "Fed Up" on Netflix. I don't think this was a coincidence by any means but only another confirmation to the choice life we were about to take as a family. What we did next was...cleaned out the kitchen of most all labeled foods; yes, the 10 different bottles of salad dressing, canned foods, bags of whatever, boxes of prepared stuff, and all processed meats.

We headed to a local farmer whom has grass-fed beef, poultry, lamb, etc and interviewed their process. We agreed with their way of farming and raising their livestock. This is the only type of meat we will eat. So, going out to eat will be very limited if ever because it's so hard to find clean food out there. Along with the meat, we're buying only organic whole foods until we can get our own garden growing.

The next confirmation comes when our multiply diagnosed and complex son went through some new issues that threw up yet another flashing red "X" in my gut. The chemicals being pushed into his system by all the pharmaceuticals he has to take to function...what the heck am I doing to our son? I couldn't add to the long list of wrongs I have done in my life, so this has to stop. He doesn't have the choice to take them or not; he's been on medication since he was 3 years old and he's 10 now. He's been through one year of chemo as well as all the other drugs that go with that. These episodes put gasoline to the small fire within me that had been wondering how to get him off some of this stuff.

Many nights have been up researching, contemplating, praying, and bouts of crying when I found things I feel I should've already known. So, we first start in regards to him; with the med that isn't approved for kids...yeah, I know you're probably thinking why I would ever give my kid that. Here's why...If a child literally cannot sleep or get "REM" (good) sleep...there's going to be behaviors and a lower executive function. If there's a lower cognitive function & daytime behaviors..then he can't go to school and learn. Without going into that whole story; I'll leave it right there. If you'd like to know more about sleep and daytime behaviors please feel free to leave a comment, and I'll be in touch with you.

Here's another reason why...I trusted his doctors. She was upfront with us about him being on this medication and how she didn't like it one bit, but was the only thing that was going to help since his symptoms were so severe. She did forget to tell me though as time went on he'd need increased doses to keep having relief; well we're to that point now. He starting to tell us of the night time complications and school is reporting daytime focus decreasing. So, this is where we start. We go to see her; she's excited we want him off. We discuss something that I forgot about in the first meetings of this med or she thinks we discussed...vitamin deficiencies. Iron is a big player in this night time issue he has. Due to the chronic and severe cases of constipation we've dealt with over the years; Iron couldn't be given. So she orders some lab work; I ask for a full panel of deficiencies...she agrees. Guess what he not only is severely deficient in iron, he is in others as well.

Is your pain due to vitamin deficiencies?

Back to the research...I go looking into how the body can heal itself if it has the right "atmosphere" in which to do that. All the while; I have been using essential oils for diffusing mostly all these years. The reason I bring this up is that during these last few weeks we got pretty sick at our house; I made up a concoction; and within 24 hours we were better...normally we would've been down 3 days plus. We did not take any OTC meds or go to the doctor, but we did put some high dose probiotics into our system as well. Then my husband gets one of his terrible; put him out of order, gas knots as he calls it. Again I make a concoction, and within 30 mins he's feeling great. :)

Gut health...it all starts there. We're starting there, getting a nutritionist involved, and going to heal from the gut out. I found there are superfoods that will aid in the blood flow so our son doesn't have to take aspirin everyday, and we're adding in other foods/juices for his constipation (I'm assuming most of that is medicine induced constipation to begin with), supplements, and essential oils. We've cut down to using kids plates w/ dividers so we have portion control. We're trying new foods that we've never ate before; for me in particular would be kefir, butternut squash, and lentils. We've replaced pasta for spaghetti squash. All sugar has been removed from our diet except for those foods that are naturally and organically sweetened like fruit.

Guess what...we don't crave sweets! I really don't crave anything and we're hitting only about 4 weeks into this. I don't know if you ever wonder how you got to be where you're at today, but it's always by our choice and ignorance that we don't find ourselves with better outcomes. I was ignorant of all the sugar that is dumped into our foods. How sugar is killing us. There is such a long list of sugar that is named differently so they can list it in the ingredients without scaring everyone; and since more people are looking at the labels.

Names of Sugar :(

I dare you to educate yourself though and watch "Fed Up". It was the final call at our house to make a positive change for our future, our health, and ourselves. I'm only given this body for this lifetime and well I want to enjoy it. I thought food was an enjoyment...that was a lie that sugar gave; an addiction like cocaine. :( All approved by who we thought was there to help us, USDA, FDA, etc...NOT!

I may have made mistakes in the past but this one time...I'm doing something right, positive, and helpful. Oh yeah, and I got a treadmill. Put that sucker right in the living room; can't deny that guilt staring me in the face...so my first log of keeping track was yesterday. 1.6 miles in 33 min. Today was 2 miles in 33 min. 3 is my number so that's why I stop at 33. If you read this, and you would like to see more posts and details about such topics, or to follow our journey; please let me know. I can't read your mind. I also would rather encourage, engage, and entertain my readers; please comment and share.

Thanks for reading until next time. Happy Valentine's Day! Love somebody<3 p="">
Blessings,

Yvonne

Want a solution?

What is the biggest solution you are looking for? Are you needing a solution for your finances, relationships, weight, attitude or a career? Ohhh, do I understand...each one of those.

This little picture popped up one day...and I had to really process it because I knew it was just for me. Same problems that keeps occurring...what's yours? My current one is probably money; though I have went through a couple years of being what I considered "free" from the burden of money concerns. I'm back to begging for a solution. Well, I asked myself; what was it that I'm now doing again as years past that was different than when I was "free"? I first had to go through the grieving process of all this...I couldn't be to blame, it was the economy, our move, our son's diagnosis, the medical bills, the loss of my job, yada, yada, yada. Excuses! No one wants to be the blame.

The growl of my heart spoke to my head...giving. I'm not giving like I use to. I'm not feeding the homeless, I'm not giving of my time, I'm not involved in caring for my relationships, but instead slipping selfishly back into "self". Oh and that is such a dangerous place for me; self leads to more self until I don't care about anything or anyone...bam, Depression is set in.

I know relationships can be a big one in many people's lives. We can't go through the day without needing or facing all of these possibilities...so what is the solution? The ending of this picture says...the solution lies with you.

Ouch...was my first thought; blame was the first thought and self punishment...it's all my fault; playing victim almost. No, wait...if I'm in control of it then I can change it. What a power, a thought, a game plan now needs to be drawn up. Game plans cannot be successfully planned without the help of others. It takes a team, some accountability to stick to the plan, a friend to process the thoughts before acting on anything, a team approach makes it a healthy success. If you make up the plan all on your own; pride can step in stealth mode...and "i" is in the middle of pride. It's fun to bounce the thoughts of another because if you learn something from listening then what a great benefit.

So I confessed my problem...and realize I have a lot of solutions to change my circumstances; so I'm starting with volunteering at a wonderful place that services my son's diagnosis. By doing this, guess what...they offered me a paid temporary job. Now, that is some $$$ coming in that wasn't. I have more solutions to work on and will be bouncing thoughts with my accountability team along with processing a new game plan with them. Now, your turn; does any of this resonate with you? Share your solutions to problems that keep occurring so we all can learn and maybe find out another way; your gift to the world is your experience.

I want you to be known, understood and know that you are never alone; and you can do the same by commenting. Even if you can't think of anything right now...please let me know if you needed to see/hear this right now. Have a great day seeking the power within to change your circumstances into solutions for the future!

Embracing the joy of life though relationships good and bad.

~Yvonne

Confessions of Jealousy/Envy

Eww! Who wants to go there, though we all have at times? I’ve been yet again convicted to write because I am a writer, but (there’s that procrastination word and one that in my book reasons quietly under “failure”) I’ll never have what it takes or even have a listening ear that is impacted, a reader interested enough to read it, no one follows my kind of topics, I’ll never be paid to do it; so why do it? So, what brings up this discussion?

I downloaded an app recently that was suggested by the She Speaks Conference 2015 called First 5. This conference is something that I’ve longed to be a part of or at least go to; hoping to learn what it takes to be “successful” (that word is distorted in my perception of what it really looks like…different for each person I’m assured, but being paid to do it would be the ultimate favor of God). I could never go because I truly cannot afford to go in my current financial place. I have a special needs son that I couldn’t find care for him long enough to attend. All these excuses and the word never can really bring someone down. Can I ever be okay with never getting to attend? Jealousy sets in for those who get to go; and even more if it’s someone I know. :( Pitiful, I can’t celebrate with them due to my own selfishness and pride. 

By downloading this app; I decided I’d actually check out what it had to offer.

Honestly, the reason behind me seeking today’s devotion and what it had to offer was because I have felt a nudge yet again to write; and more confirmations have followed that nudge. I was seeking would God give me a yet another confirmation today through the app? Ohhh did He! Not only confirmation did I get, along came a greater conviction; I pray it brings healing.

Today’s 5 minutes with God is going to take way more than 5 minutes; it’s titled, Wanting What You Have. A lovely quote tops off the page, “Contentment is the key to experiencing success” by Wendy Pope. I almost didn’t read it because its first appearance had nothing to do with me writing. I was so wrong. It had everything to do with my not writing. It’s the very reason I get stuck and then quit. The little but loud phrases that enter my ear stating; I can’t, No one cares, No one will read it or be impacted, You can’t afford to self publish and no publisher is ever going to take you on, your grammar and language skills are not up to par, blah, blah, blah. Who wants that yelling in their ear; not me, so I quit.

After reading the devotion and digging deeper, I found myself processing the “My Moment” question…”Is there someone whose success you envy? How can you begin to celebrate them today?” Then it has a place for you to respond and keep your ideas, thoughts, answers, notes called “My Moments”. My response to that was this, I copied the verse 1 Timothy 6:6-8 (NIV); 6 But godliness with contentment is great gain. 7 For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. 8 But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that.

Envy/jealously has caused me to get stuck and quit especially if others’ success topic is in the same realm of mine (writing, speaking, and women’s ministry). Is there someone, you ask? There’s too many! I know the perception is off because there’s only one me and one of them. We’re all given separate gifts, talents, callings in life to build on and share the encouragement of Christ and all He has to offer. We are to share so we too can be known and to know each other, making a way so we can acknowledge we’re not alone.

I can begin celebrating by first confessing this sin to God, then to someone else so that I may be healed. God help me. I can’t move into what you have in store for me, and now I see clearly why I’ve been stuck. Who knows, my beginnings just might be writing about the celebrations of others? Ohhh that last sentence is deep and hard but came out on paper quicker than I can process it in my head. Yikes! God is good and he has a plan for each of us; including me.

So after typing all that in; a thought…I’ve gotta call one of my accountability partners, Amy Dmyterko, Founder and Speaker of Tell It Ministries and confess. Not only confessing my conviction of the day but also letting her know that she was also one of those that I envied. Yuck! I hated to say it but I knew I had too. So I celebrate her today; you’ll not find another that will make your belly hurt with laughter pains, impact you for a lifetime, and make you jealous. A beautiful woman inside and out; and guess what she makes mistakes too just like us. She’s a woman after Christ and willing to tell it like it is. Kudo’s to you Amy; I’m so happy for where you’ve come, been, gone, but more excited about where God is taking your ministry and you personally. Hugs girl!!

As my story unfolds…May you be encouraged, impacted, or if nothing else entertained by my transparency in the trips, falls, and pit dwellings (ohh wait, and my success’) on my journey of life. I am a writer  (for that very statement I have to give credit to someone who doesn't know me but has been a part of this initial recent convictions to get back to writing due to his email in regards to stating my identity. Thanks Jeff Goins for your encouragement). 

So, with that I will be content because I have food and clothing. :)

 

Disclosure: As always I do have my own dictionary; meaning I make up words, spell them however I like and that’s ok. Forgive my errors for I am just a human no less or better than you. Be Blessed and be thankful you don't have to be one of those whom have to listen to my dictionary of words. Pray for my husband and kids!