Months of what seemed to be a slow slide down a slippery path ended up in uhh let's say a muddy well of hell. I know that listing out the details of any of the events would not edify myself or you reading, so I won't do that. I will however give topics in which I know now to only be just more obstacles that I'm proving to endure and complete in such a messy way. I exacerbate over problem behaviors my child can and cannot control sometimes, I fall flat on my face in arising financial delimmas, I lay unconscious, as if fallen from a plane without a parachute in the sadness of the uncertainities, my body meets a Mack truck head on when I can't find time for authentic rest, My heart fills ripped out when there is a decision that is tough regarding my kids, I have nightmares in the daytime that life will never be any better, and only to find out that it's just an endurance run. Ugh!
I had a vision for quite some time now to be up in front of an audience (which I've done before) but with always kicking my shoes off. I know, I thought hideous too! I hate shoes honestly; at home I'm pretty much barefoot and if I can get away with it other places I will. What did this vision mean? I've had it for such a long time...and bam! I get an email asking to come speak in Kansas City on Mother's Day at New Life Family Church. All that went thru my head, wow brain overload...and it was if I was on fueled hysteria on the inside. Talk about my guts doing the nay nay, the two step, the waltz, Charleston, head banging maneuvers, and the moon slide all at once. I was a mess but got myself together since I was inside Sam's shopping with my husband at the time; and said "uhm, I need to pray about my response". Stupid thought!!! Didn't I just have visions forever about situations such as this...yes, I'm a fake blonde going platinum fast & furious (for real...naturally). Trying to find reasons I could have possibly thought I needed to do that; then I was quickly prompted with Philippians 4:6; (ESV) "do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God"
Immediately I was lead with the topic a mother's madness (like I know anything about that) and to find the imperfections society labels on women due to bad choices, incontrollable situations, relational confrontations, etc because none of that happens to anyone else, right? Immediately following I had a personal issue that arose that made me question what the heck I thought I was doing. The battles, obstacles, and thoughts almost drowned me even up unto the minute of delivery. My SIL quickly reminded me that is exactly what it looks like to carry my cross. (Matthew 16:24 “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.) I'm so thankful for the people that were praying for me because I wanted nothing more but to glorify God, let Him speak, and women, families, and relationships to be touched in a positive way.
Well my madness drove me into Luke and more so into Chapter 2 (even though I've read it many times before) led me to find ohhhh Mary wasn't a perfect mother either. This just proved to me that society can deem us by certain labels of invalid, unfit, etc. The mother whom the Creator chose to bear the Lord in her womb was named a blessed and godly wife and mother. Previously in Luke 1:30 she had found favor with God. So, I got all my studying and notes together for this day...only to leave one sheet in my bag as I went up front to speak.
(side note; it's late...I need a snack! While I do that...feel free to listen to the message I delivered that day: Mother's Day 2016-A mother's madness). If you are on a mobile device you will have to download the soundcloud app if you are on a desktop it will take you right to it.
If you listened...you missed the beginning where I actually did kick off my shoes (that part wasn't recorded) because I felt so at home. Nervous and so passionately involved with my personal story that I wanted to deliver a message the best way I could but nonetheless I was comfortable as if I was home. Also if you listened, you are the ones to get to know the secret of the missing page of notes while I'm up there. So, I still believe I'm supposed to deliver as Paul Harvey would say..."the rest of the story".
I totally left out why Mary wasn't a good parent because I didn't have that actual Scripture in front of me, and because of this loss I started adding in other things as I felt led so I didn't stall even more. Each stall I'm concerned with where in the heck is that piece of paper. Can you imagine? I couldn't think straight to remember my main topic was in Luke 2; I could've said in Luke 2 but I didn't and couldn't think like that while trying to keep a congragation engaged.
Luke 2:41-52 Mary and Joseph neglect their son. Neglect happened in my life along with many other attachments issues and wounds. They assume (we know what that does) he's with them when leaving and they travel for an entire day, then search an entire day before returning days later to find him in the temple with the leaders. He was fine, but this just proves even the mother of Jesus can make incomplete thoughts, bad choices, neglect, whatever you want to label it. Dad too for that matter...so can we give ourselves a break? Can we realize that perfection in every area is a lie masked as successful parent?
We have enough to deal with in this life such as; work, cleaning toilets, wiping butts, feeding in wee hours of the night, trying to work in that exercise, dealing with medications, deciding nutritional on nutrition choices, long insurance phone calls, doctor's appts, tax crisis', divorces, papers to fill out, meetings to attend, continuing education, bullying at school, death of family member, when are we gonna find time to soak in the bathtub without disruptions (forget that), when can I just get a shower?, managing our finances, transitioning for our kids whether home, school, or into adult life, and legal battles.Who's got time for listening to the lies that are whispered into our ears...we're failures! I don't...and you don't either. Dust it off and straighten your crown...you are beautiful and relationships can be redeemed.
The list in which I was going to call out all circumstances was also cut short...so I'm going to list them here. If you find yourself on the list; please know I'm saying that prayer in the end over you too. Here they are:
1. You are having infertility issues2. You have a special needs or medically fragile child/ren
3. You have had an abortion
4. You have given a child up for adoption
5. You have lived thru the death of a child
6. You lost a parent before becoming an adult
7. You are a single parent
8. You have been abused (mentally, emotionally, physically, and sexually)
9. You have a disconnected relationship due to hurts w/ your child or parents
10. You have neglected or have grief in regards to choices you've made in raising your child
Mother's day is not a joyous time of celebration for many. After that service, I had several people men and women alike confront, email, text, FB, and pm me the power of the message that hit home for them...I couldn't believe how being so authentic in my walk would ever be a help to another. You just never know. Find your voice & share...someone needs to hear it.
Through this message and blog I hope that you can find healing for your wounds as you forgive, give to God what you cannot control, and find someone especially if you don't have your mother to celebrate. I look forward to continuing to pray for you. Leave a comment on what circumstances you need prayer...I'll gladly lift that up. Feel free to share and know you are a masterpiece! Let's encourage one another and lift each other up instead of judgmental tear downs. We're all going through something. I'm here for you. Message me on Facebook, follow on twitter...
Hugs & Blessings!
~Yvonne
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