Why can't this child just get it?...It's JUST elementary writing, math, attention and organization

but it's more than just that. It's executive function or working memory...my heart yearns to understand the depth of my son, so I can find the accommodations, modifications, and adaptive tools to help him to be the best he can be. Sure I can accept him just as he is but society has proven to be a not such a friendly place for those whom are different especially in school. I'm hoping to not only teach acceptance and give awareness but to also give strategies so the gap within society and him isn't so large. I can't be at school all the time so I'm always looking for explanations and tutorials of what it might be like for any child that struggles with any area of executive functioning. To be honest until recent years, I didn't even know what that word meant. I had to educate myself because until I understand, there is no way to "know" him. Until a teacher understands there's no way to fully explain and grasp the need to look outside the box of norm to help these children.

I'd personally get so aggervated when he wouldn't calm down and listen to me during homework...I was making it so clear and simple; but now I see it wasn't anything about me or how I was giving the information. IT was either the distraction of "not enough equal spaces to write" on a paper that he was hyper focused on, or it was the dryer going, the dogs growling, and the lighting that I could easily ignore. Even if it was completely quite...he'd hear a fly in another room. Imagine that? He has hearing loss yes but he hears things in "loud" tone that most don't. I'm running on a Windows system and he is running on a Mac so to speak; two different operating systems. All things can be mastered but done in very different ways when one's brain is wired differently. I'm loving his brains right now. Being a mom who loves to write, type, and tell stories, it's been a hard journey for me to connect; but I've now got the connection through verbalization. I like to talk...and well, if you know me at all; you're smiling/ok, laughing! :D

I've been a part-time scribe for him for about 2 years now due to his overwhelming reactions when asked to write. I can get him to write but it's frustrating to say the least, so I do some and he does some; turn taking. I have learned what battles to fight and this isn't one of them.I've seen such growth in maturity, understanding, disciplines, and a full grasp on what it looks like to try for him. He works so hard but I didn't realize how hard until now. I owe this kid a pat on the back tonight.

Today, I've was brought to my knees at the rock bottom of humility when it comes to understanding. I'll have more patience, acceptance, and drive to share what I've learned today. I'm sorry I didn't realize how bad it really was son! I was introduced to a simulator; Through Your Child's Eyes, and I encourage you to look at it too. The demographics that I put in may be very different from yours but can I tell you the organization, writing, math and attention stimulators was frustrating enough for me that I will have to see about changing our homework atmosphere and approach. Hearing the information from the children themselves...wow! You must use a computer and not your phone as it doesn't work the same; believe me I tried. I was in tears by the time I was done because I now, I "get it". I'm thankful the journey has brought me to this time and place but ohhh how I wish I would've known sooner.

He struggles so much with writing especially, but now math and I wondered why? Common core math is taking this type of already enhanced anxiety to a whole other level. I'm thankful for the moment he's enjoying fractions; we use lego's at home for a visual and draw pictures for the word stories. I hope teachers will see that with some of these kids just a simple 2+2 is enough without adding more steps pushing the executive function into overload. He already had attention and organization difficulties so this added stress has caused not only homework to be an issue, but his self esteem. He's finally realizing how different he is and it makes me so sad. I've seen countless videos where other kids have jumped in for support, been a defense against bullying, and becoming a friend. This also breaks my heart because my guy hasn't found that friend. Sure he has kids he might play with on the playground, but it doesn't go outside school. Every friend he has made has left him by moving or whatever which only counts for 2.  To be almost 11 years old and not having a friend breaks my heart. The kids in his class are more "mature" than he is and their interests are very different, so I don't blame the other kids; they don't have a connection.

His medical diagnosis' include Neurofibromatosis, ADHD, ASD, RLS, PLMD, Receptive & Expressive Language Disorder (though this has become quite minimal after a great 2 years of speech therapy), mild hearing loss, and SPD. He really struggles with memory. He's in the 4th grade and repeated 2nd grade. I've found it so fascinating that he really doesn't have very many math facts memorized when you just ask him outright, but let him be on a game where he has to control something and he can spout off math facts like nobody's business. The concentration it takes to play the game frees up his memory...amazing isn't it? I found this out by accident and was floored. He struggles to write a sentence much less a paragraph, but ask him to tell you a story verbally? You got all day? The creativeness that is in this child and so many more is outstandingly beautiful.

Once I get outside myself and my needs/wants...he's a wealth of information. My frustration usually comes from being interrupted with my own time. Selfish...and we all are some of the time. As I've been going through my parent ABA training, I've also been smacked in the face of reality that I cause most of his frustrations and meltdowns. Those fits are not just coming from no where...there's a reason, always a reason and antecedent. Now I can plan ahead accordingly most of the time; not all the time...and Wallah! We are having very few episodes of meltdowns...it's a beautiful place. :)

Now to take this news that I have learned and make his life even better! What a day! I'm a better parent for this and hope to be the catalyst for others to understand. For this picture is the very reason...I keep searching...

Blessings!
~Yvonne

Tuesday's tornado and tumor thoughts...

Warning! As you continue to choose to read this post...you might endure the whipping, bouncing, and thrashing whips of the storm in my head; proceed with caution.

We're blooming into spring way early this year. I had the windows open in February and in shorts by the end of the first week of March. Crazy! What's summer going to look like here in Kansas? We're in need of a good soaking rain, and as I look out my kitchen window at the gloomy weather that can cause much despair on the emotional well being of some...I for a moment am caught up in a tornado of thoughts. Why can't I be one of those that have it all together?

The trigger to this thought comes from physically facing the overwhelming stacks of papers, reports, bills, insurance EOB's, stuff to file, stuff to throw away, envelopes that haven't been opened in weeks (if I don't open it...I don't owe it, right?). The mail comes and I push it aside awaiting the day to get organized and get it together. I already know what is in the envelopes and I know I can't pay the bill, or get focused, or seem to find enough time to meet the demands of the ever increasing papers to fill out for someone, some service, some requirement that is in urgent need. I filled the trashcan as I know I need to shred those documents, and I look outside just for a moment to catch the glimpse of what we need...Kansas is in need of rain...and so it will come. The squirrels are running along the fence line playing as if they have no cause of any worry. The trees are blooming without a care in the world, just doing what it does. The birds are singing as they swoop down to find food in my yard...and I'm wondering where the food may come from for the next week until payday. Does anyone else struggle? Is it really that I'm so dysfunctional and oblivious to what else I should be doing to make things balanced in life?

On top of all that, my heart is torn from what Neurofibromatosis can do. If you've never heard of such a word, that's understandable even with much awareness; it's still pretty unknown within communities. When it's a child though it just doesn't seem fair and that part I thought I couldn't control. Maybe I still can't control the outcome, but you bet your sweet tarts I'm going to do everything in my power to drive this monster another direction to the best of my ability. In the past always looking for the next pill or medical advice to help; we're now driving away. We've done 8 years of meds...we are heading for nutrition and supplement city. We are alkalizing our bodies, filling them with oxygen and decreasing the chances of feeding the tumors more of what they want. We've removed all sugar as stated in other blogs and found where the deficiencies are. What if, just what if...the body heals itself with the balance of good organic whole foods, water, exercise, and necessary supplements? Just what if? What if we are feeding the monster with the processed food, gmo's, medications, etc? I can't take that chance anymore.

I've only lived a few years of my life at a place of serenity, joyful balance and without need. I don't work right now so why don't I have time, make time, prioritize such issues better than I do? There's something more to this chaos and I'm wondering if I'm alone? Some would immediately say...well, get a job. Yeah, okay that would bring in some income but it would also take most of it to buy another vehicle to drive (as we only have one), the gas, insurance, maintenance for such a vehicle. I'd lose the time at home with doing laundry, dishes and not stressing over the days off to do these things; which take time away from what matters to me most...my family time. I don't get joy from the mudane thought of repetitive work with no real purpose to my being. So, by re-reading that last sentence I sense I've not found my "place" in the world. But that's just an excuse too tho very true, I don't stay on top of the stuff at home as I should. It's in these moments of thoughts where I can drown in self misery. It becomes a worldwind of self pity, shame, guilt, and well I'm just not who I want to be.

I am constantly thinking about getting back to work; that's what every one thinks and most do. If I thought it would reduce my debt, give me some soul satisfaction, and I could complete work and home...I'd do it in a minute. I can't though, not right now at least...I don't know how to make that happen. It's quite embarrassing to write such vulnerability and transparencies down for the world to access, but I somehow don't think everybody really does have it together. I don't think everyone does have the financial freedom without stress of robbing Peter to pay Paul or have credit cards debt out the whazoo. Have you ever had your utilities shut off? Have you ever had to file bankruptcy? Have you ever been evicted from a home or went through foreclosure? Have you ever had a medical diagnosis that took more than you're capable of earning even after insurance? Are you actually doing everything you know to do and it still isn't working out?

How I make it though is only because of a husband that works his ass off! He cares for his family and is a provider for sure. He wants me to do whatever makes me happy, and with that he assures me staying home is just fine with him. Now, granted we all have wants but we personally have found out that there is serenity and security in having just our needs met. I keep going back to what am I doing wrong? Well, first off...not going to the city to ask for an extension before the due date gets your water turned off. So, who's to blame there...no one but me. Now with that said, I had a reminder on my phone to do such but because I was out and about busy I dismissed it and then forgot. Ugh! How long can a husband continue to deal with a wife who does such things? Does he get frustrated because if he does; he never says anything to me about it. He always says, it'll be ok. Is he in denial too? Maybe he thinks (here I go again putting thoughts in his head he never once thought) he busts his butt at work and he doesn't want to deal with any additional issues until they arise? I have no idea where I'm going with all this because again as it's titled a tornado of thoughts. Procrastination is a personal description I'd give myself as well when it comes to personal life. I'm not that way when I work, so why is it that I'm that way at home?

I can't fix it at the moment so don't face it maybe is my underlying issue. You know if I think back on it, if I left my room messy...Grandma would come in and clean it. So if I leave it long enough will someone else take care of it? It's not working like that in adulthood at all...though I will say the hubby always gets us out of stuff that I personally think in the moment is going to destroy us.

Am I alone? Do I need to get off FB, Twitter, Instagram again because it's taking too much of my time? Will I really do more, if I did...or would I fall back in bed with the darkness of depression. I can almost hear it...Girl, go get you some meds! Ha...no thanks. I wonder how many would fess up to thinking that is what I need? This storm shall too pass but it does seem this is one area that I just keep going round and round the dance floor with. I need to find a new dance or leave. I'm also thinking I really should not publish this; then I think, but what if I did? For the readers within my circle of friends, would you still think positive of me? Now, does it really matter? Tornados can be beautiful and intriguing from a distance, but to be in it; uhm, scary, overwhelming fear, and the thought of life is about to come to an end. So please don't judge from a distance unless you've been in your own tornado. As I finish this last sentence...a release of huge rain drops begin to pound the outside furniture and a freedom comes to my soul. The storm never stays; yes, it may do some damage but from it I learn for the next time it hits.

I have it more together than I am thinking. Bills have been paid for the most part most of the time.

I've gotten my priorities in order when it comes to needs vs. wants. May I accept my knowledge through experience as a way to connect with others. It's not I that need to know if I'm alone...it is the reader that is needing affirmation and confirmation that they are going to be okay and are not alone in the darkness of the storm either. So here's to you...it'll get better, but you must walk right on into the storm so it can change you. Don't run because eventually it catches up somewhere in time. Actually in the fear of it all; you usually are only thrown around but never destroyed. You're going to make it.

Here's to risk, chances, and authentic vulnerability. Aren't you glad you're not stuck in my head? :)

Blessings!
~Yvonne

4 steps to NO MORE FOOD/SWEET Cravings (Step 3)

The pictures/quotes are women driven but this blog is for males as well. I come to find this is one of the most important but a difficult step within the 4 because it supports emotional health. If you've missed out on Step 1 and/or Step 2 make sure and click on those links as they are highlighted.

Step 3 is Support.

We have these little voices that say ohhh one piece will be ok, and I won't have anymore. Yeah right...it never works like that. You know, 1 Pringles chip is impossible or even the serving size of 16 chips were impossible for me. Once you give into the temptation of the first piece, first anything there is an army of excuses for the 2nd and 3rd until it's uncontrollable again. It's a lie. We must have supports in place prior to the event. This support holds us accountable and hopefully one has such in place that will lay the truth out in love; and one is able to receive it when emotionally one may be in denial. Trust the supports.

I was once in several accountability groups and we tried and tested each other. The most beneficial thing I learned from such a group was that you must have multiple layers of steps away from caving. Let me explain this detail. This goes for anything in life that is addicting, toxic, or just something you choose to stay away from. For instance, you have an unhealthy relationship with someone you know you shouldn't, it's not enough just to say you're not going to talk to that person again. If one is emotionally attached, there's a grieving process as one will have felt as though they died. This is a normal process in clearing one's circle of unhealthy relationships. One must have several barriers up to help protect yourself from caving into just calling them up. So first, make a commitment to yourself. Some people have great will power and compete within themselves; this is great, but it's not bullet proof. Next, make a plan of barriers to run into before actually calling, then get some accountability partners to call upon in need. Three or more team members are the best because there will be times those people will not be immediately available when you need them.

Here's example building the plan & barriers to such success. Every time I use this strategy, it works.

1. Commitment to self (make reminders on mirrors, in the car, on your phone, on your fridge even)

2. Ideally get a 3+ accountability/support team with daily interaction even if it's just a smiley face that you have met the goal for the day. I've got a support group for different topics that still happen on a daily basis everyday. These people help keep me on track, love me unconditionally, and are not quiet when I've stepped off track.

3. Find your weaknesses and REMOVE all items from home, car, phone that may tempt. Food, pictures, Facebook; other social media, delete music that reminds, block people, delete contacts from phone, if needed take a social media "fast", break, or vacation especially if the temptation to look them up is your weakness. Drive a different way if you know you'll see them or that restaurant, turn off the TV commercials, etc.

This is exactly what an accountability partner would say.

4. Pray, meditation, yoga, exercise, listen to music, find a therapist whatever it is that helps you connect with self and the best journey forward.

I understand this struggle in a very real way...probably more than you can imagine. Without details, of course, here's the exact subjects that I have had to build and use this plan with; Marriage, emotionally unhealthy relationships, addictions, finances, and well food. I didn't place food in the addictions category because some don't view their struggles as an addiction; so didn't want to leave that as a possibility of denial. I hope this makes sense. This is not easy, it takes full thought into planning the fences, barriers, support, etc.

I'm seriously here to help in anyway I can. If you want more understanding, help in this area, or lacking supports regardless of the topic in which you want to discontinue; I can do that...contact me. There's no charge here for support. Life is a struggle and it's real. This is my passion in life is to help others become the best that they can be. I know sharing your vulnerability and struggles can be embarrassing and hard to admit; I know, I get that, but no judgments here. I've done and seen it all in this journey. Guess what, I fail, fall, and thankfully can say I get back up. It's ok to be human. It's ok to have a bad day that's why we place the barriers so you can trip several times and still not hit rock bottom. These supports give you a ledges
to fall upon without falling into the pit.

It's my hope you find Hope & Support in this blog to push you through to a healthy you!

Blessings
`Yvonne

4 steps to NO MORE FOOD/SWEET Cravings (Step 2)

For those of you still needing or wanting to read Part 1 of this journey, please click here.

My lettuce is growing beautifully in the window! :)

Well update on Mr. K; he's officially off the RLS meds as of tonight. That means since Jan. 1st he has been taken off 4 different meds. We have one more nighttime med to go but that won't come until we go back for his 3 month lab. This leaves only 4 medications (4 dosing times and 7 pills) to go...I'm so hopeful. We have used a therapeutic essential oil from Young Living called Grounding for the last 3 nights (including tonight). He has had no issues going to sleep, he has not gotten up complaining, he has slept all night. Now with that said, here's a note on sleep disorders if you haven't read my past blogs. Even though he's in bed, appears to be asleep, and doesn't get up doesn't mean his body is deficient of sleep; good sleep called REM sleep. 

Restless Leg Syndrome, Periodic Limb Movement Disorder, Sleep Apnea,etc are real issues that cause daytime behaviors especially in kids. If we don't sleep well then ADHD, emotional, defiant, etc type symptoms might occur during the day because they are actually tired and that's how they respond. So we also know that; we're probably going to have to have another sleep study to see how bad/good it really is. With his deficiencies that we found;  he has now a full regime of supplements because unfortunately we can no longer get all we need from the food sources like once upon a time even though we've went fully to organic whole foods. 

Koda and I both are feeling on the downside tonight so I'm hoping it's not what has been going around. I know we're still deficient in our nutrients, etc...and can't wait until we do a whole family detox during Spring break. We're waiting until then because we know it's going to be hard the first few days, and trying to go to school under such circumstances so we want to support Koda as a family doing this.

So now that's been updated; let's get right to the 2nd step:

#2 Netflix & Chill ;) 

(for the uninformed reader...Netflix and Chill is the new "have sex" slang: Netflix and chill is an English language slang term using an invitation to watch Netflix together as a euphemism for sex, either between partners or casually as a booty call.) (Source: Wikipedia)

or do exercises like I do watching the educational documentaries. Wow! I'm glad I don't have any teenagers right now & have to listen to see if they're Netflix and chillin'. 

Tip: Eat before watching such suggestions. 

Be Educated with the food you eat; where does it come from? What's in it? What does those ingredients mean? So to help you out and to give you a jump start to what took me quite some time to find and get (no need in all of us waiting 42+ years to pay attention and get the right information. 

Here's the list:

Food, Inc. (Warning: some graphic slaughterhouse video's)

Food Matters

Hungry for Change

Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead

Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead 2

Forks over Knifes

Fed Up

Cooked

Spinning Plates

Jiro Dreams of Sushi

Inside: Chipotle

Super Size Me

More than Honey

Somm

I Like Killing Flies

That'll keep you busy for awhile. I'm personally so thankful that Netflix has these as part of their selections. I realize this is one of my short ones but there's a lot of information here about the 2nd step....You wouldn't read it all; so I just gave you the videos and excuse to watch. 

I've got to take of myself so I'm going to bed. Say a prayer if you will. TIA!!

Blessings,

~Yvonne